A sin to love someone else that is not my husband

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Hangtight3

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Ive been married to someone for 14 yrs. He told me on our honeymoon that he made a mistake n didn’t love me. My life was shattered. I know there was some signs of this but i went thru with the marriage. I was going to get an annullment after we got back but found out i was pregnant. So we decided to make it work for my son. It was living hell but i stuck with him because my family didnt believe in divorce and i was too weak to leave. He cheated on me all those times and ignored his responsibilities as a father. I suffered so much emotional abuse and believed i was ugly and unworthy of his love. Later i found out i was pregnant and felt even more stuck with the marriage…my parents were old school and did not accept my separation to him. He stopped vervally abusing me now but still does not love me. He gives me little affection nor cared for my well being. He stayed with me because he too dont want to go thru with a dicorce partly our kids are still in their teens. He has never said he love me. I feel the lack of love most when Im sick. It has been so lonely and i yearn for simple things such as a hug, a kiss. We are just like room mates with some benefits.my mom passed away few months ago and it has been so hard. He didnt care and went on his merry way. Hes not sorry for his infidelity to our marriage and felt he has the right to do it because hes a man and that because he doesnt love me.

I recently met a man on line. He gave me the attention and thoughtfulness i crave for. His wife died and he has a son. I know its unrealistic to carry a relationship because I have so many loose ends to tie. Part of me dont feel guilty for having feelings for this new man. Actually i prayed to have no feelings for my husband so that it won’t hurt so much.my husband is unwilling to change and unwilling to move out. Sometimes i feel sorry for him for not being man enough to do the right thing. Yet i know Im stuck here until my kids are old enough to do anything. I think its such a waste of life to live in a pretense. I tried to work it out but he refused. Apparently im not important enough.

What should I do? Am i committing a sin?
 
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Firstly, I’m sorry you’ve been treated so cruelly by your husband for so long. You deserve so much better.

I suggest if you haven’t already, you get legal advice and talk to your Priest about your options with regards to a separation/divorce/annulment. Living in this environment isn’t good for you or your children, and as I say, you deserve so much better.

My thoughts with regards to the man you’ve met online - please, please, be very careful. I see that you’re in a very vulnerable state, emotionally. You’ve been in an abusive relationship with an unsupportive family for fourteen years and your mother has just died. You’ve met this man online and it’s so easy to get invested into a fantasy of him and who he is, because you’ve not met him, you’re not in a relationship with him, there is nothing getting in the way of you viewing him as your escape from your husband.

So if you do leave your husband (and I truly hope you do), don’t do it with the mindset that you’re leaving him for someone else. Go with the mindset that you and your children deserve better. Make sure you can stand on your own two feet before you bring in a new relationship. Don’t lean on this online man for emotional support until you know he is who he says he is, until your children are ready for a new person in your life, until you know the real him and not the person you want him to be.
 
Hangtight3 said:
I recently met a man on line. He gave me the attention and thoughtfulness i crave for. His wife died and he has a son. I know its unrealistic to carry a relationship because I have so many loose ends to tie. Part of me dont feel guilty for having feelings for this new man. Actually i prayed to have no feelings for my husband so that it won’t hurt so much.my husband is unwilling to change and unwilling to move out. Sometimes i feel sorry for him for not being man enough to do the right thing. Yet i know Im stuck here until my kids are old enough to do anything. I think its such a waste of life to live in a pretense. I tried to work it out but he refused. Apparently im not important enough.

What should I do? Am i committing a sin?
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I think you know the answer. Unless you are willing to leave your husband and seek an anullment do not pursue this relationship.

Even if you are be cautious and wait until you have a degree of nullity.

From what you’ve written I don’t think your husband intended fidelity so you may have grounds but your priest can advise you better.
 
Finding a boyfriend online will not help you, it will only hurt you.

If your husband is abusive, seek counsel of your priest. It does not matter what your parents say, this is your safety and the safety of your kids.

Your pastor may advise you to separate, that does not mean you date. If you decide on a civil divorce, then have the Tribunal see if the marriage was valid. Dating only comes long after you are found by the Tribunal to be free to marry.
 
Honestly, what a mess! Have you consulted with your archdiocese about an annulment? Still, the children are more important than the adults here, so some patient suffering for their sake may be in order. Please speak to Father about this!

Online? Avoid like the plague! Lots of predators, liars, cheats and thieves prowling about. First of all, even if your spouse is not “married”, you are. Therefore, unavailable until something changes.

If this guy online knows that you are married, he’s a schmuck. A very glib talker and oh so convincing, but a schmuck.

I’m a guy, and I know guys - particularly manipulators - fairly well.
 
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po18guy said:
Honestly, what a mess! Have you consulted with your archdiocese about an annulment? Still, the children are more important than the adults here, so some patient suffering for their sake may be in order. Please speak to Father about this!
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I think getting out of an abusive relationship would benefit the children.
 
The Church does not teach that one must remain in an abusive relationship. We have half the story. Not judging here, but it is best to take things in order.
  1. Abuse? Take and the kids and go. Or get an order and kick him out.
  2. Deal with annulment etc.
  3. Maybe meet other men (in due time), but not in a rebound relationship! That is a recipe for disaster.
 
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