A sincere question - relationships

[Monica4316]

Hi… I have a question that’s sort of personal but I’m wondering if anyone has gone through this too. I’m discerning my vocation, but still in the really early stages and at this point I’m really unsure if I’m called to marriage or religious life. It could be one or the other… I’m trying to stay open to God’s will. I love the idea of being a nun but also I’d love to be a mother and Im drawn to both…

But one thing that I’m struggling with is relationships. Is it a bad idea to be in a relationship if you’re discerning? On the other hand, how would you ever discern a possible vocation to marriage if you turn down every opportunity for a relationship? I’m so confused

Just to clarify, I’m single. I think if I were to be in a relationship, I’d be honest with the guy and tell him that I’m discerning.

My problem is that I kind of “like” somebody.
Kind of a lot. But I don’t know if this is a good time to be in a relationship. Not only do I need time to discern and spend with God, I’m also really busy with MANY things going on in my life.

So I understand that the chances of me being with this person are extremely slim. And I’ve tried to accept that. But for some reason it still really hurts to think of him. Also - to make it more confusing - I feel a little heartbroken cause I think this person is interested in someone else (and this is just a guess!). And the girl he (maybe?) likes is a wonderful Catholic and a friend of mine…I love her as a sister in Christ and I think if she were to date this man I’m talking about, they’d be a great couple.

My question is… sometimes, despite my intentions, I’m tempted to feel bitter about the whole situation and even feel anger towards these people. I DON’T want to feel this way. I want to be charitable but at the same time I feel hurt. It’s just a weird situation all around

How do I just…move on?? how do I accept God’s will for me? I want to be willing to accept His will even if it would be difficult or painful.

In addition, how do I stay charitable ? for example…let’s say the people I’m talking about will start dating… for me, that would be very hard, so I’m kind of hoping to get over my feelings and just move on with my life.

Iv’e been forcing myself to say over and over:

"Not my will, but Yours, O Lord, be done unto me"

Has anyone dealt with this?

the funny thing is that whenever I receive the Eucharist or go to Adoration, I feel like only God can fill that place in my heart and I’m never as happy as when I’m with Him. But it’s hard to control natural feelings I guess… it’s natural for us all to want marriage, and religious life requires supernatural grace. A part of me wants to give my heart only to God. Not because I feel hurt about relationships or anything like that… I’ve felt this for a long time, even before I knew the person I’m talking about. I don’t know if this is God calling me to be a nun or into a closer relationship with Him…that’s what I’m trying to discern.

thanks

 

[prodigalson12]

Well, does he like you back, yes or no? If not, then that’s all that matters with this current situation, don’t worry about the rest, if it happens, it happens, if not, it’s not meant to be. Get it out in the open as to how you feel with him, and at least you can move forward.

The rest, I guess there is a great deal of merit to be gained by not further complicating your emotional state by not having someone else in the picture, these are huge plans, not to be taken lightly, so I guess being between you and God for a little while is probably the best way to go. Just make sure you weigh out all of your options and if you can, think about what it would be like in either vocation, what your life would be like, who you would be, etc.

Stuff like this takes time to sort out, it’s probably a good idea to take some out for it.

 

[Crumpy]

Jn 21:25 There are also many other things that Jesus did, but if these were to be described individually, I do not think the whole world would contain the books that would be written.

Feelings are very important but they’re not the whole story. Considering this verse, what would your “book” look like, what Jesus has done in your life?

Regarding the guy you like, what would his “book” look like, what Jesus has done in his life? Are you looking at his “book” with open eyes? to tell if you are really on a converging path with him?

Is God putting this guy in your life,or is it something else?

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

IMHO relationships, that is something more intimate than a good close personal friendship are okay at this time as long as you do share your thoughts with the other person.

When they are not okay is when one is in serious discernment for religious life/priesthood (for those men reading this).

They are especially not okay when one is in any kind of formation (this includes the seminary for men).

The caveat is those men in formation for the secular priesthood in one of the Eastern Catholic Churches that ordain married men, then they should follow the particular rule of their Church in this matter.

 

[abort73catholic]

You know, that’s almost exactly my situation. I really like this guy, and I think that perhaps the feelings could be mutual. (it’s more complicated than that, but I don’t really want to get into it) I’m a hopeless romantic, and love the thought of finding someone who’s meant for only me and getting married.

However, I too wonder if maybe I could be called to the religious life. I have an aunt who is a nun with the Benedictine Sisters of Perpetual Adoration in Clyde, Missouri (actually, she’s the vocations director) and I love her to death. I also love all the nuns and would jump at the chance to visit anytime. I don’t know that the contemplative life is for me (I think I would like something more active…more missionary). But I have to say that the religious life does have a sort of attractiveness to it.

Anyways…my vocation is something I’ve thought about for a looonnngg time (I’m only 18…yes, I have “plenty” of time. I’m also impatient! ) and I’m working on trusting that God will take me where I need to be.

A wise adult friend of mine once told me…

"The Will of God will not take you where the Grace of God has not given you the gifts to succeed."

I’m sorry if this is of no help to you. I will say, though, to TRUST! I know…it’s really hard. I’m still working on it too.