A Strange Visit

[LindyLou]

My 41 y/o daughter is currently in a nursing home rehabilitating after a serious illness that has left her unable to walk and in great pain.

The priest who visits the nursing home stopped by and it seemed to me a very strange visit. He stated she would have to receive Communion with other residents…even though she is up only periodically, He then proceeded to tell us about the great pain he suffers from and how he has managed to deal with it. IMO…he lacked a certain amount of compassion and then proceeded to start to read the magazines I had brought for my daughter…commenting here and there on what he was reading. He gave us a blessing…tapped the foot of the bed and said “Well, we’ll see ya.”

Never having a priest visit…is this “normal?” Just wondering…

 

[laszlo]

My 41 y/o daughter is currently in a nursing home rehabilitating after a serious illness that has left her unable to walk and in great pain.

The priest who visits the nursing home stopped by and it seemed to me a very strange visit. He stated she would have to receive Communion with other residents…even though she is up only periodically, He then proceeded to tell us about the great pain he suffers from and how he has managed to deal with it. IMO…he lacked a certain amount of compassion and then proceeded to start to read the magazines I had brought for my daughter…commenting here and there on what he was reading. He gave us a blessing…tapped the foot of the bed and said “Well, we’ll see ya.”

Never having a priest visit…is this “normal?” Just wondering…

You called the priest, or he just stepped in? While there, did you or your daughter ask for communion at her bed?

I was one in a hospital, and Extraordinary Minister stepped in. She asked me if I want to receive communion, the fished out a small container from the pocket of her pants and I received the communion. I found that approach strange.

 

[runningdude]

Priests are human, so some are cranky, and some are suffering from the same pain as many of their parishioners. What were the circumstances of the visit? Was it on a Sunday?

Did you or or daughter request communion service when she was admitted (when I was admitted to a hospital, the intake forms had a section for any religious requests). If so, he might have been following up during his normal Sunday rounds, and was a bit spent after dealing with both his injuries and his patients.

 

[Lainey63]

Whatever the circumstances and even though he may be human, from the description the priest conduct was unprofessional. My question would be are you sure he’s a priest?

 

[InspiritCarol]

Without further details, it sounds like, to me, this “Priest” (if that’s what he was) was just making a social call. He expressed as much at the beginning by letting you know the general expectations regarding “communion”. This was your opportunity to make it clear to this man that that approach was not an option. He does not have access to your daughter’s medical records. See?

Sure he could have made this more clear in the light of your expectations. Perhaps you can find a gentle way to relay this to him and let him know your real needs. In his defense, he likely had/has no idea of your expectations. He relayed his pain to you as an effort to connect on your level. This is not comfortable for some people coming from a priest; but they are human; and this is a valid way for people to connect: by finding common ground. Do you see?

 

[LindyLou]

You called the priest, or he just stepped in? While there, did you or your daughter ask for communion at her bed?

I was one in a hospital, and Extraordinary Minister stepped in. She asked me if I want to receive communion, the fished out a small container from the pocket of her pants and I received the communion. I found that approach strange.

When admitted 6 weeks ago my daughter stated her religious affiliation. This is the first that he has visited…and yes, my daughter did request Communion at bedside, as she had just been put back into bed. He refused.

Without further details, it sounds like, to me, this “Priest” (if that’s what he was) was just making a social call. He expressed as much at the beginning by letting you know the general expectations regarding “communion”. This was your opportunity to make it clear to this man that that approach was not an option. He does not have access to your daughter’s medical records. See?

Sure he could have made this more clear in the light of your expectations. Perhaps you can find a gentle way to relay this to him and let him know your real needs. In his defense, he likely had/has no idea of your expectations. He relayed his pain to you as an effort to connect on your level. This is not comfortable for some people coming from a priest; but they are human; and this is a valid way for people to connect: by finding common ground. Do you see?

What expectations should I have made clear to him? He is visiting a young person…mostly bedridden in extreme pain…what I did NOT expect was for him to decide it was a good time to peruse magazines.

I am left thinking about one of his comments to us…“No pain…no pleasure.”

 

[DJgang]

did you find out his name, etc?

Do you think that you might be able to call a parish directly and ask for a priest?

 

[InspiritCarol]

It’s helps to give more details.

When admitted 6 weeks ago my daughter stated her religious affiliation. This is the first that he has visited…and yes, my daughter did request Communion at bedside, as she had just been put back into bed. He refused.

Remarkable! Did he give a reason why?
You ought to share this with his pastor, assuming he is not one himself.
Definitely share it with your own pastor. *He *must help you find a way to get communion to your homebound daughter hopefully you won’t have to, but be insistent if necessary. Even if he needs to train *you *in the proper form of delivery. That is what we had to do for my father.

What expectations should I have made clear to him? He is visiting a young person…mostly bedridden in extreme pain…what I did NOT expect was for him to decide it was a good time to peruse magazines.

For some, empathy is a natural and easy accomplishment. Alas, that does not seem to be the case with this man. He needs your help and guidance, perhaps even being a little harsh, if necessary. You may direct him to this thread, or write a letter, yourself, explaining how he needs to work more on improving these skills. Perhaps, cc his superior. Be as detailed as possible, and be sure to emphasize what you expected. A friend once told me: some men need to be hit over the head with a frying pan. The same friend also had occasion to say: men are thick. Well it’s not just men; all of us can be a bit “thick” sometimes. You would be doing not only this man, but all of his potential subjects a vast service if you were to as gently as possible but as detailed as possible explain to him how his visits would better serve the needs and expectations of the visited. Be sure to at least commend him for the effort he is exerting and explain that this is just to “help him be more effective” in his ministry. Does that make sense? I’m asking a lot of you, but a lot of good may come of it.

I am left thinking about one of his comments to us…“No pain…no pleasure.”

lol What a gaff! It sounds like he made the classic error of carrying a conversation he had had previously, over a length of time, into your conversation and somehow expected you to understand what was in his mind now a “universal truth”. Instead it just feels like a bunch of eggs got dropped on the floor and you’re now expected to make omelets out of them. :nope: So sad… but again, it’s just a lack of empathy and intuition on his part. We should all pray for more of this for all our poor priests that have some gifts stronger than others. Let’s not drive him away from this ministry; let’s look for ways to help him improve upon it. Yes? I only say to cc his boss; because … perhaps this is not the best role for this man.

 

[Matthew_Holford]

While you may have anticipated a different approach from the priest (I would too) it seems to me his visit wasn’t that much different from other visitors. They come too, eat your fruit, read your magazines/newspaper, and then go without saying much.

 

[the_phoenix]

Praying that your daughter will be able to receive Holy Communion and the Sacraments,
as well as for her healing.

Praying with a Psalm from today’s Liturgy of the Hours:

Psalm 62 (63)
Thirsting for God

This is my commandment: love one another as I have loved you. Alleluia.

O God, you are my God, I watch for you from the dawn.
My soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you.
I came to your sanctuary,
as one in a parched and waterless land,
so that I could see your might and your glory.
My lips will praise you, for your mercy is better than life itself.

Thus I will bless you throughout my life,
and raise my hands in prayer to your name;
my soul will be filled as if by rich food,
and my mouth will sing your praises and rejoice.
I will remember you as I lie in bed,
I will think of you in the morning,
for you have been my helper,
and I will take joy in the protection of your wings.

My soul clings to you; your right hand raises me up.

Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit,
as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be,
world without end.
Amen.

This is my commandment: love one another as I have loved you. Alleluia.

 

[LindyLou]

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. Thank you the phoenix for your prayer…

After some more thinking, I have decided to remember this priest in my prayers as I con tinue to pray for the priests who have been a part of my life.

God bless…