T
texaspanda
Guest
This all has to be explained or you just won’t understand.
Over the years we have had trouble with a family member. My aunt (mother’s sister). She has suffered some abuse in her childhood from her father who we no longer have any contact with. 15 years ago she begun dating a man who soon showed the ugly side of himself and the whole family disapproved of the relationship. Once the disapproval was known by him, he was outraged. There were several incidents where violence was created by this man. He jumped thru a window in the front of my great grandmother’s home to get to my aunt, who was ill at the time. He broke my grandmother’s nose during a conflict surrounding my aunt. All this time the whole family made it clear he was not allowed to be around at any time. And all this time she continued to pull stunts like trying to kill herself or fake fainting spells and end up in the hospital. Over the next 5 years she continued to see him. She eventually got engaged and married him. During all of this time, I attempted to see her side of him and tried to support her when no other family did. It was easier, as I was a teenager and simply eager to rebel against what my family thought was ok.
Ten years ago I had my first child. Anyone can admit many views, opinions, and realities change once you become a parent. When I was pregnant my family completely ostracized me, at my parent’s request, for getting pregnant and not being married at which time she supported me when no other family would. They eventually got over the pregnancy and moved on.
Two years and one more child later I find myself hauling her to the ER again and attempting to find out why she tried to kill herself this time. I bring her home at which time I have to face ugly phone calls from her (drunk) husband asking why I won’t let him see her.
A year after that I find myself getting a phone call from her in jail telling me that she pulled a gun on her husband he called the police to have her arrested. My mother bailed her out and after two rough weeks including a physical threat to my father by her husband and many nasty phone calls and one more suicide attempt she ended up in a psychiatric hospital. At this point I told her I have to think of my children and their mental health. That her husband is no longer safe for us to be around and that I don’t want my children getting close to someone who every time the going gets tough, she tries to “check out”. This was the end of the road for this relationship and I had to separate myself from her. She screamed obscenities at me and called everyone in the family to tell me what a cold hearted b**** I was being. We didn’t ever speak after that. Everyone told me I was wrong for what I did. I told everyone they were only enabling her behavior. But as far as I was concerned my children’s safety and happiness was far more important to me than hers. Six months down the road I did not regret my decision, life was much more pleasant without her drama.
Four years ago she approached me and told me that she and her husband were having a baby. I looked at her plainly and she wondered why I was not happy for her. I told her simply I feared for the life of a child being brought into that home. They moved back to my hometown to be closer to family that was more accepting of them; my grandmother.
Since then my mother has not spoken to her sister. Not at my request or anyone else’s request. My father feels the same way I do; that life is so much more pleasant without her drama in it. My aunt’s husband has forbade her to have anything to do with us since we “abandoned” her. Her husband has never ONCE apologized for his actions over the years saying that we are the source of all the trouble. That it is our fault that he was forced to jump thru the window. That he was forced to break my grandmother’s nose because she was “in his face”. That he was forced to threaten my dad with a physical beating because we threatened to take her into our home and not let him see her. He has made it plainly clear that if any of us make trouble for him that will be “consequences”.
Three years ago my grandmother asks if she can take my two oldest girls to visit with her at her home for 2 weeks. I agree with the only stipulation being that they are not be anywhere around my aunt or her husband. She agreed. Same thing the following summer still with the same stipulation. Again this summer only she had my three oldest daughters with her this year.
Over the years we have had trouble with a family member. My aunt (mother’s sister). She has suffered some abuse in her childhood from her father who we no longer have any contact with. 15 years ago she begun dating a man who soon showed the ugly side of himself and the whole family disapproved of the relationship. Once the disapproval was known by him, he was outraged. There were several incidents where violence was created by this man. He jumped thru a window in the front of my great grandmother’s home to get to my aunt, who was ill at the time. He broke my grandmother’s nose during a conflict surrounding my aunt. All this time the whole family made it clear he was not allowed to be around at any time. And all this time she continued to pull stunts like trying to kill herself or fake fainting spells and end up in the hospital. Over the next 5 years she continued to see him. She eventually got engaged and married him. During all of this time, I attempted to see her side of him and tried to support her when no other family did. It was easier, as I was a teenager and simply eager to rebel against what my family thought was ok.
Ten years ago I had my first child. Anyone can admit many views, opinions, and realities change once you become a parent. When I was pregnant my family completely ostracized me, at my parent’s request, for getting pregnant and not being married at which time she supported me when no other family would. They eventually got over the pregnancy and moved on.
Two years and one more child later I find myself hauling her to the ER again and attempting to find out why she tried to kill herself this time. I bring her home at which time I have to face ugly phone calls from her (drunk) husband asking why I won’t let him see her.
A year after that I find myself getting a phone call from her in jail telling me that she pulled a gun on her husband he called the police to have her arrested. My mother bailed her out and after two rough weeks including a physical threat to my father by her husband and many nasty phone calls and one more suicide attempt she ended up in a psychiatric hospital. At this point I told her I have to think of my children and their mental health. That her husband is no longer safe for us to be around and that I don’t want my children getting close to someone who every time the going gets tough, she tries to “check out”. This was the end of the road for this relationship and I had to separate myself from her. She screamed obscenities at me and called everyone in the family to tell me what a cold hearted b**** I was being. We didn’t ever speak after that. Everyone told me I was wrong for what I did. I told everyone they were only enabling her behavior. But as far as I was concerned my children’s safety and happiness was far more important to me than hers. Six months down the road I did not regret my decision, life was much more pleasant without her drama.
Four years ago she approached me and told me that she and her husband were having a baby. I looked at her plainly and she wondered why I was not happy for her. I told her simply I feared for the life of a child being brought into that home. They moved back to my hometown to be closer to family that was more accepting of them; my grandmother.
Since then my mother has not spoken to her sister. Not at my request or anyone else’s request. My father feels the same way I do; that life is so much more pleasant without her drama in it. My aunt’s husband has forbade her to have anything to do with us since we “abandoned” her. Her husband has never ONCE apologized for his actions over the years saying that we are the source of all the trouble. That it is our fault that he was forced to jump thru the window. That he was forced to break my grandmother’s nose because she was “in his face”. That he was forced to threaten my dad with a physical beating because we threatened to take her into our home and not let him see her. He has made it plainly clear that if any of us make trouble for him that will be “consequences”.
Three years ago my grandmother asks if she can take my two oldest girls to visit with her at her home for 2 weeks. I agree with the only stipulation being that they are not be anywhere around my aunt or her husband. She agreed. Same thing the following summer still with the same stipulation. Again this summer only she had my three oldest daughters with her this year.
I might have found it hard to keep my mouth shut around Grandma.
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