A Vocation in an Anti-Catholic Family

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VanillaBean

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Hello brothers and sisters,

I converted three years ago and have been discerning a religious vocation for the entire time (my heart wasn’t just changed…it was torn out and replaced with a new one, thank God!)

I have dated seriously, questioned my faith and come back stronger…but during it all the feeling and inate knowledge that I am/might be called has never left, and never wavered, even during my times of infidelity to God.

My family is not Catholic. They were marginally supportive of my conversion (they came to my confirmation) minus my father, who is very “new age” and " I experience God more on my own than in organized religion". He is the least supportive, and thinks it would be a waste of my life. Life, in his opinion, is not about doing what you want, its about “pulling your own weight”. I cannot explain to him that I would still be pulling my own weight in a religious community, especially if I was caring for the sick and poor, especially in the poorest areas of the world…which is what I feel called to do. This is nonsensical to him.

My mother, God bless her, is on the brink of converting (yes!). My arrogance wants to think that it is because of all the rosaries I’ve said for her, but in my heart I know it is only by the grace of God. Still, she is very lukewarm about me entering the religious life. My current relationship is serious and Christ-centered and looks as if it could lead to marriage (which makes it only harder to discern!) and she is so happy…mostly because, she admits, she doesn’t want me to be a nun. I quote, " So you’re done with all that silly nun stuff?"

Nope. I’m not.

I cannot say I know what will happen…but I do want to try and approach this now rather than later. Do you know of any good books or resources I can give them…along the lines of " So, your daughter wants to be a nun". How do I explain, especially to my father?

This is tearing me up, because I love my family…and I don’t want them to see me as a failure, but I will always choose God before them. Always. Even if it means they hate me forever, but I really want to avoid that if at all possible.

Help?
 
I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you. I have not experienced anything like this (praise God!), but I know a friend that I tried to help that was dealing with the same stuff that you are. She comes from a large Catholic family, and they wanted her to get married and have children. When she started discerning, her mom and dad started walking around sulking and saying they were being punished and they felt they were losing a daughter. She had no idea what to do. And she was torn between caring for her family or serving God in religious life. I asked her what she wanted if she could have it anyway, and she said that serving God was what her heart wanted most of all. She had trouble sleeping and hated seeing her parents angry and upset with her. My advice was simple. Read the Gospels. Remember the apostles who were called away from their families at that very moment? They didn’t even say “goodbye”! But they trusted God because there was something about Him that they understood. They didn’t understand everything. That was very radical of them. More radical than most vocation stories, because most of us are able to say a proper “goodbye” to our parents. The apostles changed everything at a moment’s notice and left. What does this say to us? If they trusted Jesus without knowing His mission and sacrifices that were to come, what does that say for all of us? We know the saving power of God and I think that makes it more understandable. Don’t feel that you are abandoning your parents. Another friend shared with me what her spiritual director said to her when she was upset about her parents and was worried about them:

God has cared for your parents before you were born. What makes you think you can do a better job than He can? 😉

The last I heard, my friend was discerning cloistered orders! So, thankfully, she is trying not to let her parents’ reactions bother her. It’s not my advice, I believe, that did this, but God’s grace through it all.

So, my advice to you is, definitely continue discerning both paths (marriage and religious life). Try not to let what your parents say effect your decisions. If you are 18 or over, you are an adult and it’s up to YOU to follow what God is calling you to. I know it may be difficult at first, but you’ll start to see what God has planned for you and it will make you want to go towards it even more!

Spend time in Adoration, attend daily Mass, pray the Liturgy of the Hours, etc. All these helped me discern my vocation (I’m in the application stage 🙂 ).

Just remember:

God knows what we need before we ask Him.

If you feel that you need to discern religious life more freely, maybe it’s time to put your relationship on the back burner and bring God out front. Dating can be very distracting, as you have already mentioned. It’s a good idea to get a feel for what a real relationship is like, but if you are having problems, I suggest cutting ties. Get yourself a spiritual director–priest, sister, brother, deacon, or lay person that you trust–and work with them to find where and what you are called to.

I strongly suggest that you read the FAQs here on parents and discernment:

vocation.com/content-f3i.htm
vocation.com/content-fhl.htm
vocation.com/content-fm6.htm
vocation.com/content-f5a.htm
vocation.com/content-fcgf.htm
vocation.com/content-fdtd.htm

These are just some of the ones that I think would benefit you greatly. There are several others, but for lack of space, I couldn’t post them all. Reading them earlier on in my discernment greatly helped me.

Also, remember that you are not alone in this journey! Christ will be ever with you and there for you should you ever need His counsel. Many others have gone through what you are going through, so I hope that gives you comfort. If there’s anything else I can do for you, please let me know. I will be praying for you and your family, but remember, if they are opposed to it, you will never be able to change their minds without their will. It may be VERY difficult, but God knows you will be happy in your true vocation and He will provide the means for you to fulfill it. God bless you! :crossrc:
 
I want to leave you with two more pieces of advice:

Read this article. It’s about parents and vocations:

vocation-network.org/articles/show/76

And also, I just read this quotation from Bl. Mother Teresa of Calcutta:

Don’t give in to discouragement. If you are discouraged it is a sign of pride because it shows you trust in your own powers. Never bother about people’s opinions. Be obedient to truth. For with humble obedience, you will never be disturbed.

– Bl. Mother Teresa of Calcutta

I hope these help! God bless you! 🙂
 
I don’t know of any books but maybe your the one who has have acceptance…please don’t take this as being mean or cocky. But maybe you have to accept the fact that they may not like you being a nun at all. I believe that there are some priests, nuns and saints who went through this very same thing as you are now. But usually as time goes on your family will accept you being a nun. Remember they do love you but one thing I have learned is “To Thine Ownself Be True”. If this is your calling don’t deny it for anyone else…remember not to place the “gifts” above the “Giver”. I know that you should have a spiritual director to work through this to make sure this is your calling. And perhaps you should do this without their knowledge so that you know that your calling is true and there isn’t some part of you that is drawn to being a religious because it is the “forbidden fruit” in your family. The Spiritual Director will guide you through this-I am sure that you are not alone.
 
You have great courage to seriously consider being a nun despite the fact that you belong to non-Catholic family. I knew a Jesuit priest who was the only son of unbelieving parents. I’ve always been awed by this.
If God is in fact calling you to Religious life, I pray He will give you…and your family whether they realise or not that the grace is from God…the strength and wisdom to go through with it.
God bless you for your generosity.

If at first you make sure they understand you are only trying it out at first, to discern it, you may be able to give your famly a transitional period that may be helpful to them.

God bless you, Trishie
 
Thank you everyone for the advice 🙂 . If this is my calling, I’m going to do it despite whatever my family says or feels about it. I just hoped to be able to explain so that I could avoid the bad feelings from them…but I see this may not be possible, at least not right away.

I watched the youtube video of the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal taking their first vows…and I found myself holding back tears (and by “holding back” I mean they were streaming down my face)…because my heart aches so much. More and more, each day, I know I am called to that life. And I’m scared and joyful at the same time.

I am visiting with the diocesan vocation director next week and will be set up with a spiritual director. I should have gotten a spiritual director long ago…but honestly, I was afraid that if I went any further, my vocation would be confirmed and commitment would ensue. Well, yes, it is…but I think I’m ready for it now.
 
VanillaBean said:
Thank you everyone for the advice 🙂 . If this is my calling, I’m going to do it despite whatever my family says or feels about it. I just hoped to be able to explain so that I could avoid the bad feelings from them…but I see this may not be possible, at least not right away.

I watched the youtube video of the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal taking their first vows…and I found myself holding back tears (and by “holding back” I mean they were streaming down my face)…because my heart aches so much. More and more, each day, I know I am called to that life. And I’m scared and joyful at the same time.

I am visiting with the diocesan vocation director next week and will be set up with a spiritual director. I should have gotten a spiritual director long ago…but honestly, I was afraid that if I went any further, my vocation would be confirmed and commitment would ensue. Well, yes, it is…but I think I’m ready for it now.
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Very glad to hear that! I love the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal very much. In fact, there was a point in my discernment that I thought I was called to them. I have a Carmelite heart with a little bit of Franciscan mixed in. Every one of the CFRs that I have met has been AMAZING! They are full of Franciscan zeal. 😉 If you are considering discerning with them, you will NOT be disappointed!

When the time is right (and God will let you know if you ask Him), just be honest with your family. For right now, it is best, it seems, to wait until you find a spiritual director that you can discuss your situation with. They will be able to assess you in person and see if you should discuss this further with your family or just leave it be. You might be relieved to know that it is not a sin to wait to talk to your family.

God bless you for your steadfast courage! 🙂
 
A good way to know if you’re called to marriage is to ask yourself why you want to marry. Do you want to be a mommy and a wife? Do you want to serve the Church in the domestic church, i.e., the family, by correction, guidance, instruction, and good example?

A good way to know if you’re called to the consecrated life is to ask youself why you want to be a nun. Do you want to be a spouse of Jesus? Do you want to build up the Church by being poor and serving the poor?

Ask these questions of yourself, and ask God to give you a sign for your vocation. It is not testing God, but desiring to know His Will. The more specific a sign you ask for, the more specific a sign you will receive, for God is most generous to His creatures. But don’t ask for a show of His power, for that indeed would be tempting God.
 
JMJ

VanillaBean,

I think you would enjoy reading a book entitled, “Twice Called, the autobiographies of seventeen convert sisters.” which was put together by George Louis Kane. See if your library has it, or maybe you could order it online.

A Sister I have been in contact with since my conversion in 07 sent that book to me, and I know I really enjoyed reading it. It has been a source of courage for me.

I, too, come from an anti-Catholic family, and I converted two years ago. I’m also discerning a religious vocation, though I have dated seriously (under the advisement of some people who suggested that I should make sure to be open to marriage before discerning a religious vocation). It’s comforting to know that I am not the only one in this difficult situation.

I will pray for you and your family, and I would also request that you pray for me and mine.
 
Thank you for sharing your story. As a convert of almost 50 years, I have been discouraged by events in the Catholic Church which I love dearly. But stories such as yours and the stories of the many other converts on this page encourages me about the future of the faith. My only advice is follow your instincts (some would say heart). Denying your basic desires would be a mistake. Good luck in whatever you choose. I am almost 70 and a vocation for me is out of the question. The Church is in desperate need of good people such as yourself.
 
I know a young woman who faced great opposition. Her father (a nominal Catholic) did not
come around until 5 years after she joined the Domincan sisters. Her mother was not
very happy about it either (strong Catholic) but she was supportive along the way. They
are both very proud and happy because it is now so obvious that it was the right thing.
Both are now more fervent in their faith. The young nun is radiant with happiness in her
vocation and a beautiful holy person.
 
TexCatholic4JMJ said:
I know a young woman who faced great opposition. Her father (a nominal Catholic) did not
come around until 5 years after she joined the Domincan sisters. Her mother was not
very happy about it either (strong Catholic) but she was supportive along the way. They
are both very proud and happy because it is now so obvious that it was the right thing.
Both are now more fervent in their faith. The young nun is radiant with happiness in her
vocation and a beautiful holy person.
Click to expand...
wow… thank you for sharing that 🙂
 
Vanilla Bean,
I am in a sort of a similar situation… I am trying to figure out if I’m called to be a nun or if I should marry. And my family would not be happy at all if I became a nun. After months of worrying about this - I decided to trust God that He will take care of everything, even if it will take time. He might change your parents hearts, or He might do this long after you become a religious (if you do). Keep on praying. There are Saints who became nuns or priests despite great opposition, and in many cases their families eventually accepted their choice. But their obedience to God was rewarded, it helped to sanctify them.

That is great that you are planning to get a spiritual director! 🙂 that is a good idea no matter what you end up choosing.

I’m sorry I don’t know of any books or articles you can give to your parents… even if you can’t find anything, do pray a lot about this. In the end, only God would be able to change their minds. Try to go to Adoration as much as you can, this might help you find more peace.

btw, your determination to follow God is so encouraging!! 🙂
Remember the verse… seek first His Kingdom… He will take care of the rest. If you are indeed called to be a nun, that means He has prepared graces for you there and He wants to use you in this way. If you’ll marry, then He has a plan for you there. Seek His will above all.

God bless you hugs
 
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