N
NReily
Guest
Hello everyone,
I turn 20 this month, and in December complete my Undergraduate Degree in Political Science. I am desperately trying to sort out what I should be doing in January. At this moment three options have taken the priority of my attention in this order
During this time of recession school would seem like a good place to be, and I know that it would be a lot harder for me to go to school years later than doing it now. At the same time, the thought of Graduate School concerns me. Currently, I have a 3.5 GPA, but I know that Business School would be more Math intensive, and that has never been my strong suit. Also, I feel extremely nervous and intimidated about being in an academic program with people who will primarily be much older and experienced than me. On top of that, it makes me wonder how I will be able to make friends. My Dad is also a big point of pressure for me because at 20 he was married with a full time job in gemstone cutting while also getting a degree in Economics. He later finished Graduate Degrees of Economics and Finance in one year while working full time.
While I have been successful in college, I feel a little resentful at his success. I have struggled a lot more socially and emotionally than he has, and it makes me feel that eventually I will hit a roadblock. So because all of these reasons on top of the fact that I am not sure if it is what I should be doing, I have considered getting a Job in a Political Campaign instead for awhile. I am really passionate about Politics, and have always considering a behind the scenes career in it. January would be the perfect time to enter the market because most campaigns are looking for staffers 12-18 months out from the election. But I also am concerned about my abilities in such an pursuit. I go to school in DC and the atmosphere is like being in a shark tank. So many of my classmates have star studded resumes and great interview and social skills.
At this point have failed to get any internship or job I have applied for during my two years at college. I was going to live and study in DC over the summer, but instead I am currently taking summer classes at home instead because I couldn’t even get a summer campus job moving dorm furniture and physical labor is one of the few skills I possess that’s not study based. There seems to be a Catch-22 to me getting any job: I need experience to get a Job, but I need a Job to get experience, and employers and internships don’t seem to understand this with me. During this time I have also considered entering seminary to see if I should become a Priest.
This is also a rational option, as I am a convert of a year and a half, and I am passionate about my Faith. But I honestly can’t say I feel a strong desire or a joyous calling to the Priesthood. Instead, I have struggled with an immense distrust of God because I fear that if I do that he will call me to the Priesthood even though I don’t want it. I am afraid of living and sleeping alone, not being able to make career changes, being the cause of someone’s spiritual death, and dropping the chalice or host during Mass, etc. This fear(s) have prevented me from being involved in any spiritual activity in my college community that is not behind the scenes labor like setting up before and setting down Mass and community events. I also struggle with a mild form of scrupulosity, and it prevents me from doing things like going to Mass on a weekday, going to Confession with any real consistency, attending Eucharistic Adoration, or being a Lector or Eucharistic minister.
I want to be married, and in someways I feel selfishly entitled to some dating and relational success because I have been rejected so many times. However, I know that I am not emotionally, financially, or spiritually prepared to have children and I been dealing with an unhealthy fear of Sex for some strange reason for awhile. I do not know of any spiritual directors near me, and I do not even know if it would be possible to apply for and enter a Seminary in January. If God was/is calling me for that, I would feel very distraught and aloof if I had to wait until August to enter one.
So I am really at odds at what to do. Part of the problem is I also know that I am the type of person that God doesn’t give signs to. I have been receiving some conflicting “signs” that make wonder if I am being told to pursue the Priesthood. At the same time I have received a number of comments from women that I would make a great husband one day. My chaplain has been constantly reassuring me of that I don’t have to become a Priest and that God is not going to call me to something I have no desire for, but I have a hard time believing him. In the end, usually I have to make a decision, and God occasionally lets me know whether I made the right decision or not.
I am not expecting any of you to have the answer, but I need Prayers, and I especially need some wisdom on how to proceed, process, and eliminate some paths to get a clearer picture of what I need to do.
Pax Christi
I turn 20 this month, and in December complete my Undergraduate Degree in Political Science. I am desperately trying to sort out what I should be doing in January. At this moment three options have taken the priority of my attention in this order
- Going to Graduate School (Probably to pursue an MBA)
- Getting a Job (Probably to join a Political Campaign)
- Going to Seminary
During this time of recession school would seem like a good place to be, and I know that it would be a lot harder for me to go to school years later than doing it now. At the same time, the thought of Graduate School concerns me. Currently, I have a 3.5 GPA, but I know that Business School would be more Math intensive, and that has never been my strong suit. Also, I feel extremely nervous and intimidated about being in an academic program with people who will primarily be much older and experienced than me. On top of that, it makes me wonder how I will be able to make friends. My Dad is also a big point of pressure for me because at 20 he was married with a full time job in gemstone cutting while also getting a degree in Economics. He later finished Graduate Degrees of Economics and Finance in one year while working full time.
While I have been successful in college, I feel a little resentful at his success. I have struggled a lot more socially and emotionally than he has, and it makes me feel that eventually I will hit a roadblock. So because all of these reasons on top of the fact that I am not sure if it is what I should be doing, I have considered getting a Job in a Political Campaign instead for awhile. I am really passionate about Politics, and have always considering a behind the scenes career in it. January would be the perfect time to enter the market because most campaigns are looking for staffers 12-18 months out from the election. But I also am concerned about my abilities in such an pursuit. I go to school in DC and the atmosphere is like being in a shark tank. So many of my classmates have star studded resumes and great interview and social skills.
At this point have failed to get any internship or job I have applied for during my two years at college. I was going to live and study in DC over the summer, but instead I am currently taking summer classes at home instead because I couldn’t even get a summer campus job moving dorm furniture and physical labor is one of the few skills I possess that’s not study based. There seems to be a Catch-22 to me getting any job: I need experience to get a Job, but I need a Job to get experience, and employers and internships don’t seem to understand this with me. During this time I have also considered entering seminary to see if I should become a Priest.
This is also a rational option, as I am a convert of a year and a half, and I am passionate about my Faith. But I honestly can’t say I feel a strong desire or a joyous calling to the Priesthood. Instead, I have struggled with an immense distrust of God because I fear that if I do that he will call me to the Priesthood even though I don’t want it. I am afraid of living and sleeping alone, not being able to make career changes, being the cause of someone’s spiritual death, and dropping the chalice or host during Mass, etc. This fear(s) have prevented me from being involved in any spiritual activity in my college community that is not behind the scenes labor like setting up before and setting down Mass and community events. I also struggle with a mild form of scrupulosity, and it prevents me from doing things like going to Mass on a weekday, going to Confession with any real consistency, attending Eucharistic Adoration, or being a Lector or Eucharistic minister.
I want to be married, and in someways I feel selfishly entitled to some dating and relational success because I have been rejected so many times. However, I know that I am not emotionally, financially, or spiritually prepared to have children and I been dealing with an unhealthy fear of Sex for some strange reason for awhile. I do not know of any spiritual directors near me, and I do not even know if it would be possible to apply for and enter a Seminary in January. If God was/is calling me for that, I would feel very distraught and aloof if I had to wait until August to enter one.
So I am really at odds at what to do. Part of the problem is I also know that I am the type of person that God doesn’t give signs to. I have been receiving some conflicting “signs” that make wonder if I am being told to pursue the Priesthood. At the same time I have received a number of comments from women that I would make a great husband one day. My chaplain has been constantly reassuring me of that I don’t have to become a Priest and that God is not going to call me to something I have no desire for, but I have a hard time believing him. In the end, usually I have to make a decision, and God occasionally lets me know whether I made the right decision or not.
I am not expecting any of you to have the answer, but I need Prayers, and I especially need some wisdom on how to proceed, process, and eliminate some paths to get a clearer picture of what I need to do.
Pax Christi