A wayward brother

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reed987

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Hello all,

I’m having an immense amount of trouble with a younger brother. He’s only 17 years old but he’s in a world of trouble and its driving me nearly insane:

We grew up in a lousy part of town.😊 I blush to admit that we grew up in a trailer park where drug busts, stabbings, shootings, slain policemen, rapists and pretty much evreything you can imagine went on within a one block radius. School was not the best experience, when the lunch bell rang the kids filled the street corners across the street to do drugs and get drunk. I got into a little trouble myself but decided I wanted out and that’s what I did. I’ve been at college for two years but always dreaded returning home. After I left my parents split up, my dad stayed but would often be gone for days at a time for work. He had no rules whatsoever for the house and our place became a local haven for the shabby characters of town. There was always drugs, alchahol and lowlifes hanging around. I hated it. My brother has been swept into the culture of the trailer park and has been arrested twice recently. He was forced out and moved in with my mom, who tries much more to regulate him. He can’t stand it. He vows to drop out of high school and run away as soon as he turns 18, running back to the trailer park to reunite with all of his unemployed high school drop out druggie pals to live the lifestyle. This is not only incredibly stupid, its hearbtreaking. He simply doesn’t comprehend the amount of suffering he causes his family. I am enraged. I don’t like to admit this but I HATE his friends, I hate the neighborhood we grew up and sometimes I even hate him. It’s strating to drive me insane. I’m particularly angry at what he puts my mother through.

What does one do in a situation like this? How on earth do you reach someone like this? I know this is a lot to ask, but could someone who’s been through a similiar situation share their experiences with me?
 
My heart goes out to you! It sounds so much like where I grew up. Don’t be embarrassed. I wear it like a badge: Look where I came from, and now look at me! If I can do it you can too…
I had a younger brother who also got into more trouble than I did, though I did my fair share of screwing up too. Thank God he has straightened out now for the most part, but it has been a long journey for him as well as the rest of us. If I’d only known the love of Christ then as I do now…
Your brother, like all of us, needs to be accepted and loved. This is what he seeks on the street corner. Oh yeah, the tough guy act is just that. He is caught up in this world and this world will use him up and destroy him. He needs Christ–the only true and eternal love in the universe–in his life, but no one can just tell him that. Until he finds Him “on his own”, so to speak, you gotta drop hints and take every opportunity to testify to him the power and love of God. Also, he needs to know that whatever he has done, you can forgive him and that you still care about him. Yes, YOU. Sorry, but this is the role us older siblings get to take on when the parents are absent. You are probably all this kid has, and may be the only one able to make a difference. It’s a tough role too, especially when all you get in return sometimes is “F*** you, you’re not my mom/dad!” Sure, you can’t discipline him, can’t even tell him what to do, but you can still be a big brother by example and encouragement. Don’t give up!! Your helper and divine influence must be Jesus Christ. PRAY PRAY PRAY!! Do all you can to keep this kid out of the prison system. If you can’t be there for him, maybe someone else like a Big Brother volunteer? I know it’s late in the game, but try everything you can. Keep up the good work in school, but keep in contact with your brother, and keep praying for a way to reach him!
GOD BLESS!!!
 
seekdatruth said:
My heart goes out to you! It sounds so much like where I grew up. Don’t be embarrassed. I wear it like a badge: Look where I came from, and now look at me! If I can do it you can too…
I had a younger brother who also got into more trouble than I did, though I did my fair share of screwing up too. Thank God he has straightened out now for the most part, but it has been a long journey for him as well as the rest of us. If I’d only known the love of Christ then as I do now…
Your brother, like all of us, needs to be accepted and loved. This is what he seeks on the street corner. Oh yeah, the tough guy act is just that. He is caught up in this world and this world will use him up and destroy him. He needs Christ–the only true and eternal love in the universe–in his life, but no one can just tell him that. Until he finds Him “on his own”, so to speak, you gotta drop hints and take every opportunity to testify to him the power and love of God. Also, he needs to know that whatever he has done, you can forgive him and that you still care about him. Yes, YOU. Sorry, but this is the role us older siblings get to take on when the parents are absent. You are probably all this kid has, and may be the only one able to make a difference. It’s a tough role too, especially when all you get in return sometimes is “F*** you, you’re not my mom/dad!” Sure, you can’t discipline him, can’t even tell him what to do, but you can still be a big brother by example and encouragement. Don’t give up!! Your helper and divine influence must be Jesus Christ. PRAY PRAY PRAY!! Do all you can to keep this kid out of the prison system. If you can’t be there for him, maybe someone else like a Big Brother volunteer? I know it’s late in the game, but try everything you can. Keep up the good work in school, but keep in contact with your brother, and keep praying for a way to reach him!
GOD BLESS!!!
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Sounds like beautiful advice!

Good luck to you and your family. I’m sorry your family is a cause of suffering, but that doesn’t mean Christ has abandoned any of you.
Consider a novena to St. Jude - patron of hopeless cases… he is very close with our Lord.
ewtn.com/Devotionals/novena/jude.htm
 
I find that Adoration calms me and opens me to “advice from above.”

I learned many years ago, thanks to the Lord, that the best way to deal with hate is to “pray for those who despitefully use you.” Pray that they may obtain all the blessings that you have obtained and more. You can begin this selfishly, because if they are blessed like you, they will give up the lifestyle; but as you continue, you’ll find your heart will begin to fill with charity for them.

Then you can love your brother instead of opposing him, and you can hope to attract him into loving others, rather than wanting to figuratively beat him into submission.

Last but not least, remember that you can’t change people. Only God can. It is up to Him whether or not your work succeeds.

This isn’t advice from some ivory tower, it’s from the trenches. I’ll pray for you. God bless you.

Ruthie
 
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