A Week of Testing

[The_Catholic]

Hello everyone. This past week, begining at Monday afternoon, has probaly been the worst week of my life. My spirit has been feeling crushed, smothered with dark forces. My mind has been in turmoil, hideous torture that is hard to explain. It seems EVERYTHING has been trying to take me away from my God. Trying to tell me He doesn’t exist. Or that He loves everyone else, but HATES me. Bitterly hates me. Why else would I have these “thoughts of turmoil?” Obviously He’s telling me (if He exists) to GO AWAY! I wondered if it was Satan, other fallen angels, or my own doubt. Nevertheless it’s been horrible, horrible horrible horrible! I even sinned. I am going to confession today, I’ve picked a paticular priest, an hour away at St. Patricks. I like him so I want to confess to God before him. I feel dirty, ugly, unworthy because of my sin. I feel like the unfaithful bride that I am, unfaithful to my God. I guess I’m still very weak, and I’m very easy to seduce, sexualy and emotionaly. I pray that God will help me, heal me, PLEASE heal me.

I want to be His, heh, if I wasn’t married I think i’d become a fransician monk, but I love my wife with all my heart, and I’m glad He gave her to me. Very VERY glad and thankful. Especialy how we met through a car accident (her fault too hehe).

But anyway, I wonder if God is seeing just how much I really DO want Him. I have struggled with these issues for years, but this past week it was like a year’s worth all at once. I couldn’t breathe spiritually. I even felt that He abandoned me because I’m pathetic, and there are so many other souls out there who are far more superior than I. So I mopped around feeling like I was dumped. I know this is not the case, at least I believe it’s not. But over all it seems to be making me stronger, cause I’m still here, yearning for Him all the more. Nothing else matters but Him.

And then I wonder, is Satan angry with me cause of my renewed faith so he’s giving me so much anguish?? It’s very strange.

 

[MSParrott]

I am sorry that you have had such a bad week. I think it is great that you are going to Confession - I would definitely tell your Priest about the horrible thoughts you have been having, perhaps he will give you some guidance and pray for you. Tell him exactly how you feel and offer up your suffering to God. God will NEVER abandon you, although sometimes we may feel that He has, but He is more powerful than our thoughts and feelings. I know it is easy to say this, and hard to feel this way when you have these monsters running through your mind, but God is all-powerful and if you are open to Him, He will always be your protector.

I would suggest saying the following:

*Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. *

*Amen. *

I have been in your situation, so I know how horrible it feels. Sometimes I get these stupid thoughts in my head and for me, it helps just to call out to Jesus and say to Him, please be with me.

I’m sorry if my advise is not that good, I am usually horrible at providing it, but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and I will pray for you today at Mass. God Bless.

 

[blessedtoo]

The Catholic,
Might I suggest reading “Mother Theresa: Come Be My Light”. I found it immensely illuminating and helpful when dealing with the feeling that one has been abandoned by God. It is also a beautiful illustration of how to persevere in the face of doubt.

 

[The_Catholic]

I am sorry that you have had such a bad week. I think it is great that you are going to Confession - I would definitely tell your Priest about the horrible thoughts you have been having, perhaps he will give you some guidance and pray for you. Tell him exactly how you feel and offer up your suffering to God. God will NEVER abandon you, although sometimes we may feel that He has, but He is more powerful than our thoughts and feelings. I know it is easy to say this, and hard to feel this way when you have these monsters running through your mind, but God is all-powerful and if you are open to Him, He will always be your protector.

I would suggest saying the following:

Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
*who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. *

*Amen. *

I have been in your situation, so I know how horrible it feels. Sometimes I get these stupid thoughts in my head and for me, it helps just to call out to Jesus and say to Him, please be with me.

I’m sorry if my advise is not that good, I am usually horrible at providing it, but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and I will pray for you today at Mass. God Bless.

Your advice was great, thank you.

 

[The_Catholic]

The Catholic,
Might I suggest reading “Mother Theresa: Come Be My Light”. I found it immensely illuminating and helpful when dealing with the feeling that one has been abandoned by God. It is also a beautiful illustration of how to persevere in the face of doubt.

I’ve heard of this and definitly want to check it out. Thanks.

 

[LISA_Annette]

Hey Whassup Catholic?? Okay I am just so glad to see you writing, but in no way do I belittle your horrid week. I know how you feel as you say you feel dirty and awful for your sin—but we have confession. That’s always a light, huh? We will make it, we will have run the race and press on, as St. Paul says, to the end—we might have a few scrapes and a stitch pain and be begging for some Gatorade…lol.

God does not think you are pathetic, Catholic. yes I have felt the same about myself, and I am by far not a paragon of emotional wholeness, but I have to (like a method) tell myself God does not belittle me—He wants me to be better and not sin, but He has The Understanding of how long I will take to change—He knows I will fail before I do, so when I fail, I say—okay You knew this God, but I will respond the *way I should for I love You and pick myself up again and GO. Get up and Go, as some wonderful Carmelite priest told me: Just Do It, like Nike *(yes his words: )
From the Whacky Gallery:
:yup: :extrahappy: :whacky:
“HaVe a GoOd WeEk!!”

 

[The_Catholic]

Hey Whassup Catholic?? Okay I am just so glad to see you writing, but in no way do I belittle your horrid week. I know how you feel as you say you feel dirty and awful for your sin—but we have confession. That’s always a light, huh? We will make it, we will have run the race and press on, as St. Paul says, to the end—we might have a few scrapes and a stitch pain and be begging for some Gatorade…lol.

God does not think you are pathetic, Catholic. yes I have felt the same about myself, and I am by far not a paragon of emotional wholeness, but I have to (like a method) tell myself God does not belittle me—He wants me to be better and not sin, but He has The Understanding of how long I will take to change—He knows I will fail before I do, so when I fail, I say—okay You knew this God, but I will respond the *way I should for I love You and pick myself up again and GO. Get up and Go, as some wonderful Carmelite priest told me: Just Do It, like Nike *(yes his words: )
From the Whacky Gallery:
:yup: :extrahappy: :whacky:
“HaVe a GoOd WeEk!!”

Thanks Lisa, lol, I wish I knew Catholics at my parish like you and others on this forum. When I was Protestant, after Church service me and two others would just sit in the phews and talk and talk and talk and talk about ALL KINDS of spiritual things. Lol, we’d be there until 3 P.M. and pastor Nick would tell us to leave (though he was only joking) I miss that hehe, the people in my Church like to go Mass, then go home right away. That’s ok though, I just wish there were more people on “fire” in my parish like there was at my old Church.

Anyway thank you thank you thank you my sister in Christ!

P.S. This weekend has been pretty good, i went to confession (although that is a whole other story I need to post about, very strange what the priest told me) and I feel better, happy content. Afterword I ventured over to my friend’s house, a Christian (not Catholic but a good hearted Christian who respects the Catholic church greatly) We talked about alot of personal things, and religious like always. And Mass today was B-E-A-Utiful!!

God bless you Lisa