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A Woman's Story: Redefining Marriage Hurts Women Like Me--and Our Children
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Megan7
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Thanks for the link. I have not read it yet. God bless.
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Megan7
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Part 1
"The push to present a positive image of same-sex families has hidden the devastation on which many are built. We must stand for marriage—and for the precious lives that marriage creates.
Every time a new state redefines marriage, the news is full of happy stories of gay and lesbian couples and their new families. But behind those big smiles and sunny photographs are other, more painful stories. These are left to secret, dark places. They are suppressed, and those who would tell them are silenced in the name of “marriage equality.”
But I refuse to be silent.
I represent one of those real life stories that are kept in the shadows. I have personally felt the pain and devastation wrought by the propaganda that destroys natural families.
The Divorce
In the fall of 2007, my husband of almost ten years told me that he was gay and that he wanted a divorce. In an instant, the world that I had known and loved—the life we had built together—was shattered.
I tried to convince him to stay, to stick it out and fight to save our marriage. But my voice, my desires, my needs—and those of our two young children—no longer mattered to him. We had become disposable, because he had embraced one tiny word that had become his entire identity. Being gay trumped commitment, vows, responsibility, faith, fatherhood, marriage, friendships, and community. All of this was thrown away for the sake of his new identity.
Try as I might to save our marriage, there was no stopping my husband. Our divorce was not settled in mediation or with lawyers. No, it went all the way to trial. My husband wanted primary custody of our children. His entire case can be summed up in one sentence: “I am gay, and I deserve my rights.” It worked: the judge gave him practically everything he wanted. At one point, he even told my husband, “If you had asked for more, I would have given it to you.”
I truly believe that judge was legislating from the bench, disregarding the facts of our particular case and simply using us—using our children— to help influence future cases. In our society, LGBT citizens are seen as marginalized victims who must be protected at all costs, even if it means stripping rights from others. By ignoring the injustice committed against me and my children, the judge seemed to think that he was correcting a larger injustice.
My husband had left us for his gay lover. They make more money than I do. There are two of them and only one of me. Even so, the judge believed that they were the victims. No matter what I said or did, I didn’t have a chance of saving our children from being bounced around like so many pieces of luggage.
A New Same-Sex Family—Built On the Ruins of Mine
My ex-husband and his partner went on to marry. Their first ceremony took place before our state redefined marriage. After it created same-sex marriage, they chose to have a repeat performance. In both cases, my children were forced—against my will and theirs—to participate. At the second ceremony, which included more than twenty couples, local news stations and papers were there to document the first gay weddings officiated in our state. USA Today did a photo journal shoot on my ex and his partner, my children, and even the grandparents. I was not notified that this was taking place, nor was I given a voice to object to our children being used as props to promote same-sex marriage in the media.
At the time of the first ceremony, the marriage was not recognized
by our state, our nation, or our church. And my ex-husband’s new marriage, like the majority of male-male relationships, is an “open,” non-exclusive relationship. This sends a clear message to our children: what you feel trumps all laws, promises, and higher authorities. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want—and it doesn’t matter who you hurt along the way.
After our children’s pictures were publicized, a flood of comments and posts appeared. Commenters exclaimed at how beautiful this gay family was and congratulated my ex-husband and his new partner on the family that they “created.” But there is a significant person missing from those pictures: the mother and abandoned wife. That “gay family” could not exist without me.
There is not one gay family that exists in this world that was created naturally.
Every same-sex family can only exist by manipulating nature. Behind the happy façade of many families headed by same-sex couples, we see relationships that are built from brokenness. They represent covenants broken, love abandoned, and responsibilities crushed. They are built on betrayal, lies, and deep wounds.
This is also true of same-sex couples who use assisted reproductive technologies such as surrogacy or sperm donation to have children. Such processes exploit men and women for their reproductive potential, treat children as products to be bought and sold, and purposely deny children a relationship with one or both of their biological parents. Wholeness and balance cannot be found in such families, because something is always missing. I am missing. But I am real, and I represent hundreds upon thousands of spouses who have been betrayed and rejected.
If my husband had chosen to stay, I know that things wouldn’t have been easy. But that is what marriage is about: making a vow and choosing to live it out, day after day. In sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, spouses must choose to put the other person first, loving them even when it’s hard?.
My Children Deserve Better"
Continues in link…
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Megan7
Guest
PART 2
"My daughter suffers too. She needs a dad who will encourage her to embrace her femininity and beauty, but these qualities are parodied and distorted in her father’s world. Her dad wears make-up and sex bondage straps for Halloween. She is often exposed to men dressing as women. The walls in his condo are adorned with large framed pictures of women in provocative positions. What is my little girl to believe about her own femininity and beauty? Her father should be protecting her sexuality. Instead, he is warping it.
Without the guidance of both their mother and their father, how can my children navigate their developing identities and sexuality? I ache to see my children struggle, desperately trying to make sense of their world.
My children and I have suffered great losses because of my former husband’s decision to identify as a gay man and throw away his life with us. Time is revealing the depth of those wounds, but I will not allow them to destroy me and my children. I refuse to lose my faith and hope. I believe so much more passionately in the power of the marriage covenant between one man and one woman today than when I was married. There is another way for those with same-sex attractions. Destruction is not the only option—it cannot be. Our children deserve far better from us.
This type of devastation should never happen to another spouse or child. Please, I plead with you: defend marriage as being between one man and one woman. We must stand for marriage—and for the precious lives that marriage creates."
Janna Darnelle is a mother, writer, and an advocate for upholding marriage between one man and one woman. She mentors others whose families have been impacted by homosexuality.
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St_Francis
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We’re not supposed to quote entire articles as it could get CAF into trouble for violating copyrights. Maybe pm a mod and ask them to remove your posts?
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St_Francis
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Devastating–so sad for this woman and her poor children.
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VeritasLuxMea
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So if her husband had divorced her and married another woman, would straight marriage be to blame for her woes? Ridiculous.
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powerofk
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Honestly, if her husband had divorced her for another woman, the author would have probably been given custody of her children. Divorce, in any case, has gone amok. It is important for abused spouses to be able to protect themselves, but divorce just for the idea of “I don’t want to be married to you anymore” is ridiculous. And yet, it seems that that is the plurality of divorces. In the article, the woman’s problems are twofold: rampant selfish divorce for any reason (including “I’m attracted to someone else”, regardless of sex) and the judge granting sole custody of her children to her ex-husband and his new “husband”, simply because he identifies as a homosexual.
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St_Francis
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Did you even read the article? Her husband’s departure is not her main problem.
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St_Francis
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No pain for the children whose upbringing is being twisted in a very serious way?
Oh, she’s an *angry woman! *Therefore not to be taken seriously. Probably wrote this when she had PMS, that’s the problem.
No, it’s that she married a jerk who would put his own “happiness” over that of those he promised to love.
Right, it’s all the angry woman’s fault.
If they have children those ages, then guess what? The “environment” was not so bad for homosexuals that he couldn’t have been honest and refused to make promises he didn’t want to keep.
Yes, her situation is all *her *fault. She should have noticed her boyfriend/fiance was giving off signs of being homosexual while telling her he loved her and wanted to start a family with her!
Granted, but let’s take it at face value–we are not dealing with the actual situation. Is this a possibility in our hyper-sexualized, pro–active homosexual culture?
Our identities are not determined by our sexual fantasies or temptations but by what we chose to do in our lives. Among other things, this man is a homosexual, acting oht his sexual fantasies. But is that all he is? Is he not also a liar, a promise-breaker, a seriously horrible father?
Yes, for the sake of his children, who get not say in the matter, he should have pretended at least until they were old enough to be on their own. Instead, he not only abandoned his family, he asked for custody!
If he had decided to act like an adult instead of sex-crazed adolescent, the marriage could have held together long enough to give the children a decent start in life.
Well, she may actually believe the vows she took: til death do us part. And she may actually love her children, and dashing off with the next man who comes along won’t make up for the loss of her children into this depravity.
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JackieO123
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This poor woman has lost her children! Try to be a little less calloused, and please, for the sake of all that is good and Holy in this world, stop blaming it on her.
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Sarcelle
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What a callous and heartless post.
If it were the husband who had lost custody because he was gay you’d be saying something different.
Yet you callously dismissed a woman’s heartache over the loss of her children and her marriage.
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styrgwillidar
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Because for her, it’s about her children and the disruption and confusion in their lives. Adding yet another level of complexity, another personality to deal with, another possible infringement on their sense of security, another contradiction on what a vow of marriage means, another lesson on how people in our lives are disposable/replaceable on a selfish whim, how everything we should do is about US and not other people in our lives would be wrong, a disservice to her children, and potentially very damaging.
Sorry, the kids need a rock, a foundation in their lives. She is trying to be the foundation, the rock in an eroding world.
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Deltadeliquent
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This woman’s husband, and one of the posters here is SERIOUSLY out of line.
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JimG
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This story just makes me angry.
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Cat
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I question whether this man is truly homosexual.
Yes, I hear every homosexual on CAF gasping over that statement. But I’ll stand by it.
From the description of his lifestyle, it doesn’t sound like the man is seeking a life-long soul mate to love and cherish above all others.
It sounds like he just wants to experience as many different kinds of sexual activities as possible, and he really doesn’t love or even care for anyone other than himself.
Or is that what being gay means?
It certainly isn’t a pleasant picture of homosexual living in the United States. But I suspect it’s more the norm than the propaganda that we see on TV.
Yes, I hear every homosexual on CAF gasping over that statement. But I’ll stand by it.
From the description of his lifestyle, it doesn’t sound like the man is seeking a life-long soul mate to love and cherish above all others.
It sounds like he just wants to experience as many different kinds of sexual activities as possible, and he really doesn’t love or even care for anyone other than himself.
Or is that what being gay means?
It certainly isn’t a pleasant picture of homosexual living in the United States. But I suspect it’s more the norm than the propaganda that we see on TV.
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RACJ
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What an obtuse interpretation of her poignant story. She is saying that while our “anything goes” society is celebrated, lives are being destroyed.
Rob
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JimG
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The judge willingly placed the children in a disordered living situation. But I think that must have fit his agenda.
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MJJean
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Or maybe there was no agenda and the blogger acted so crazy during the divorce proceedings trying to save her “marriage” that the judge felt she was too mentally unstable to take care of the kids. All we have to go on is her version of the story.
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JimG
Guest
That’s true. We only have her side of the story. But there’s no denying that the children were placed in an objectively disordered living situation.
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