A young friend with cancer

[chevalier]

I have a young friend with kidney cancer. In fact, a young girl getting adult this year. She’s a very lively person, even though she’s seen a lot of suffering. She clings to life and takes the most she can out of it, more so than most healthy people I know. More than myself for sure. Horse-riding, partying, even at night and online, she’s on the laptop and in the garden, not a stationary computer. She’s really strong, although she more than well knows what crying feels like (in addition to her illness, her father is dead, nor is her current family situation great). She has somewhat deistic ideas. She can’t really accept the Gospel as more than a metaphor and her difficulties come from seeing three year old patients with cancer, the way they were facing death… probably some dying. She can’t believe God would let that happen. Some difficulties also come from seeing people turn to God only in a time of need, after not caring at all in the easy life.

I’ve tried some of the typical arguments, but I need to be very delicate and I certainly can’t talk like with a guy. Sometimes it feels like she’s fading and when you look at a black & white picture of her on a swing in the garden, you do wonder if it won’t be a memory of her.

What can I do to help her in this sitaution?

 

[Debra_C]

The most important things you can do for her is to pray for her regularly, be there for her as a friend, and share your faith through example. You can share in word too if she seems to be willing and open, but otherwise, it will likely change little.

No one really knows why it is that some among us suffer so much, though they may be young and innocent, and why others seem to get away with ignoring repeatedly even the most basic pricipals of morality. However, the Church has a special understanding of suffering. The Church teaches that suffering can serve to purify us in preparation for Heaven. It can also purify others. It unites us to Christ in a very special way in His death on the cross and His ressurrection. And regardless of what might cause our suffering, whether it be simple chance like with an illness or natural disaster or the evil actions of others, St. Paul says in his letter to the Romans that God uses it to accomplish good for us if we allow Him to.

Romans 8:28-31 28 We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. 29 For those he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, so that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those he predestined he also called; and those he called he also justified; and those he justified he also glorified. 31 What then shall we say to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?

 

[po18guy]

You might try one of the most inspired ideas yet, from Patrick Madrid’s book Search and Rescue: pray for her at least as long as you plan to talk to her. She has every reason to be bitter, from what her young life has seen.

Could you arrange a visit by a faithful cancer patient, whose “street cred” might just turn the tide? Maybe someone in remission, or currently in treatment. A note in the parish bulletin or an after-mass announcement would probably turn up several willing hearts.

For a young person who is just trying to find herself and fit in somewhere, perhaps only another suffering face will do.

She’s in my prayers.

Christ’s peace to you.