Abandoned husband

[JacarandaPurple]

You said in your first post that because of being so heavily involved in work, you may not have “taken care of her as a woman” like you should have. What does that mean?

Did you treat her as a roommate and housekeeper instead of your lover? Were you always too tired to listen to her?

What she is doing now is wrong, no doubt, but so far the response is pretty one-sided. This statement of yours in the first post seems to have been ignored.

Basically, I am asking if you have things to apologize for. If so, what have you done about that? If she gives you another chance, how will you avoid repeating that pattern?

 

[Hypomenontos]

Thanks for bringing this up, JacarandaPurple. Yes indeed, I obviously did not pay attention enough. I was too sure of doing everything right. Working hard to support a familiy, spending with her and the boys all the time that was left, not looking for other women and being transparent, finacially and otherwise - I thought I was doing everything right. But it seems I wasn’t. This is a very important point. I yes I do have things to apologize for, and I did, very much so. And I when she is back I will make very sure that I have learned my lesson.

Trouble is, however, that she is now engaged in a very deterministic mode of thinking. For her, I am somehow genetically hardwired in such a way that I’d never be able to treat her as I she thinks she needs to be treated. She even went so far to suppose that I am suffering from Aspergers Syndrome! (I checked and now I am sure that is utter nonsense, but at the time I was disturbed quite a bit). And now since there is this other guy, an esoterically minded piano teacher (in contrast I am a catholic with definitive sympathies especially for pope Benedict XVI. as well as for John Paul II - and with a scientific academic background). So everything I stand for is turned by her into an argument for me not being able by my very nature to fill her emotional needs. This is the really hard part of all this.

For indeed, while I will change (and already have changed) my conduct towards her as a woman, I am not going to change myself. Her present ways are not good, so I can’t pretend they’re good or but justifyable just to please her. I somehow have to act in such a way that she sees that my ways are better - but also better than they were in the past. I believe that people can change, that applies to myself as it applies to my wife in her present strange state of mind.

 

[bonvivantHermit]

Instead of getting yourself more worked up and angry, I would get on with raising my children. Let her lead her life- and you lead yours. Tend to your children, help them and pray for your marriage.

I understand and hear you hurt and pain, but suspect there’s more going on than her actions.

 

[faithsmind]

I agree with bonivivant, but it’s so hard to gather yourself and focus on the everyday needs of the kids. I want to share an idea with you, though. My situation is a bit more complicated as far as the separation goes, but still, my children and I suffer for the heart-wrenching sins my absent, anti-Catholic husband commits. But the best thing I have found–for my kids and for me–is for us to gather in the evening, light a candle (this helps them focus, they love it and it gets their attention), and then we pray for Daddy. The best prayer for us is to go around and offer 3 things to pray for. Of course, they all include Daddy in this. Then we begin into a decade, and I try and talk about the story of that particular decade and the virtues contained in that story. Hopefully our goal is an entire rosary by the end of the week. I honestly think this ritual grounded and nurtured my kids and I immensely. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Don’t forget to offer your family to the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Such a comforting prayer.

check this out : :slapfight:
Hey- Sometimes I just sit on the couch and laugh at my kids in the evening too. They’re hysterical. Ya gotta laugh. It’s OK to laugh, too.