Abortion Incessantly On My Mind

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DatGangstaStuff

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Hello all…

Please, I need good guidence. Tonight I was studying for finals which I have tomorrow, and I decided to get a quick walk before I turned in to sleep… I walked a short distance then abortion began to weigh heavy on my mind- there is a clinic further down the way I’ve protested and prayed at. I began to wonder if I ought to go say a Rosary there… I didn’t want to, and these are all the reasons I could think of: 1. Would it even help at this time? Its 9 o clock and they are closed… Even if it wasn’t, when people see me pray won’t they just get angry and think I’m self righteous? 2. I have finals tomorrow and ought to sleep perhaps 3. I’m lazy. 4. I’m frightened.

I know these are all weak, but look at me- I am here typing this. I did not go… Why does this happen to me? Abortion is constantly on my mind- I feel I must go and pray at that clinic all the time- and it is all feelings, feelings in the back of my mind… Why can’t God speak to me with words and then I would follow His commands!!! Feelings are not substantial! I keep imaging the suffering little babies and it gives me no peace, every joy has its own little Hell somewhere tucked in. I wish I were dead at times. That and the outlaw of abortion are the only two options in which I will have long happiness, and the latter doesn’t seem like its going to happen. I am praying a rosary for the end of abortion tonight, but I have I failed? Ought I then to be at the clinic every waking moment and neglect all else? God help me if I have betrayed those children by not going tonight to pray there… I am of a scrupulous mind… I feel like I must cause myself pain and discomforts to do good… I have often told myself I would die to end abortion, but look! I didn’t even stand before that clinic and say prayers! What must I do to appease these voices and feelings in my head and heart!?
 
Nevermind. This whole world is so stupid and sh*t I want to die.
 
The world is not stupid, really, you must remember that the world was created by God. It was made to be good. Sin has made large parts of it ugly and abortion is one of the ugliest things of all.

I think praying the Rosary for the end of abortion and for the souls of those poor babies is one of the best things you can do. I say this literally… you cannot pray the Rosary enough in terms of the spiritual battles we face.

However, some of your post is alarming. “I wish I were dead sometimes” suggests some real anxiety that you need to deal with. First of all, the wish to be dead is something Satan wants, it is flatly against what God wants. If those kinds of thoughts consistently crop up, you should seek some professional help to cope. I would make sure you seek a Catholic counselor. Additionally, you should seek a spiritual advisor.

The world is full of injustices that the sin of mankind has created. Although fatigued, you appear to be one who wants to do something about it. We need active people fighting for good causes. However, I would not neglect all else. Get your education, I think you will need it to be an effective leader. Get your rest, so you can be strong for God. Don’t be so disgusted at the ugliness of the world that you forget the joy of the world. Praise God and give Him thanksgiving as well as petition Him regarding abortion. You have a lot of service to offer God…unless you burnout. So, take care of yourself too!!

May God bless you and console you.
 
if you don’t mind me asking, what does your name, dat gangsta stuff mean?
 
I think it would be a good idea to get some spiritual direction from a trusted priest.
 
Sometimes Satan tempts us into thinking that if we do not say particular prayers at a particular time, we have failed as Christians. His favorite tool is discouragement. Tell him to take a hike!

But it does sound as if you may have a particular calling to pray for this cause. That’s wonderful! We need prayer warriors like you. I know what you mean about thinking about this atrocity all of the time. It also touches my heart very deeply and can even move me nearly to tears as I go about my day. That’s ok–I think it just shows a sensitivity to the truly horrible nature of this contemporary holocaust.

That said, keep in mind that even as you pray, God will continue to allow others to have free will. That means that many women and men will continue to choose the evil of abortion, even though you pray for them. But you and all the saints who pray with you can ask the Lord to intervene and shower some of these unfortunate people with his grace, and you will make a difference in some of their lives. Even if abortion is not outlawed in our lifetime, your prayers are having a real effect on others.

I highly recommend reading St. Faustina’s diary Divine Mercy in my Soul. She talks a lot about the power of prayer.
 
Sounds to me like you are in prayer now when I look at your thread all the tears the pain the anguish it is all like Jesus saying “Peter cant you stay awake just one minute?” To me you seem to be crying out for others to pray to.
 
Dat gangsta stuff means I’m so gangsta gangsta gangsta.

havemercy, I live in the USA midwest… I was thinking about joining the priests for life as a lay missionary… I sent an e-mail but they haven’t hit me back yet. I’m also gonna put some nasty abortion pics up around town and maybe open some eyes up. I constantly think about this… I have somewhat of a onetrack mind- that and writing raps and being in love.
 
gangsta to me just doesn’t seem like a nice Catholic username so I was wondering how serious you really are. But don’t be offended. I am just stereotyping gangsta with the association with gangs and that kind of stuff.
 
I wonder if people told Charles Martel (Charles “The Hammer” (of Muslims)) he didn’t have a very nice Catholic name. Maybe someone should tell me I shouldn’t put my elbows on the table while I’m at Catholic ettiquette school…

…Heh heh heh… No disrespect. just having fun.
 
DatGangstaStuff said:
I wonder if people told Charles Martel (Charles “The Hammer” (of Muslims)) he didn’t have a very nice Catholic name. Maybe someone should tell me I shouldn’t put my elbows on the table while I’m at Catholic ettiquette school…

…Heh heh heh… No disrespect. just having fun.
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You know they called Jesus the most stupid names in the world and all because he tried to teach others to love.
This thread seems to be digressing somewhat, even into name calling or missunderstanding the writers reason for having written what they have.
I used to be called many names sometimes God is the only person at times who really unconditionally loves.

I believe that you have a beautiful thread. Your thread is your thread and asking for guidance is a gift, many can’t do that, God bless you for being so open and asking for brotherly love as you have.

I have written how I think you may b able to conquer your fears but don’t forget there were many saints who went through the same pain as you are. You know when this pain is given up to Jesus it is one of the best blessings we can give to God. You would only have to look at the books of St Therese the little flower to know that. Keep going
God bless.
littleone
 
DatGangstaStuff said:
Hello all…

Please, I need good guidence. Tonight I was studying for finals which I have tomorrow, and I decided to get a quick walk before I turned in to sleep… I walked a short distance then abortion began to weigh heavy on my mind- there is a clinic further down the way I’ve protested and prayed at. I began to wonder if I ought to go say a Rosary there… I didn’t want to, and these are all the reasons I could think of: 1. Would it even help at this time? Its 9 o clock and they are closed… Even if it wasn’t, when people see me pray won’t they just get angry and think I’m self righteous? 2. I have finals tomorrow and ought to sleep perhaps 3. I’m lazy. 4. I’m frightened.

I know these are all weak, but look at me- I am here typing this. I did not go… Why does this happen to me? Abortion is constantly on my mind- I feel I must go and pray at that clinic all the time- and it is all feelings, feelings in the back of my mind… Why can’t God speak to me with words and then I would follow His commands!!! Feelings are not substantial! I keep imaging the suffering little babies and it gives me no peace, every joy has its own little Hell somewhere tucked in. I wish I were dead at times. That and the outlaw of abortion are the only two options in which I will have long happiness, and the latter doesn’t seem like its going to happen. I am praying a rosary for the end of abortion tonight, but I have I failed? Ought I then to be at the clinic every waking moment and neglect all else? God help me if I have betrayed those children by not going tonight to pray there… I am of a scrupulous mind… I feel like I must cause myself pain and discomforts to do good… I have often told myself I would die to end abortion, but look! I didn’t even stand before that clinic and say prayers! What must I do to appease these voices and feelings in my head and heart!?
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There’s no ideal way of dealing with evil. That’s one of the characteristics that makes it evil.

It looks like you are beginning to get obsessed with this abortion clinic. The fact is that abortion will probably stop when we manage to bring political pressure to bear, and in this state you are unlikely to be a very effective political operator. It might be better to leave the clinic for a while and put your energies into activism that is a bit more behind the scenes. Are you a member of any anti-abortion group?
 
Thank you very much Little One…

I’m not part of any abortion groups… Yet… I’m looking into a few- specifically the priests for life and missionaries of the Eucharist… I’m part of a pro-life club at my school but that doesn’t really count… I’m also hooking up with these people that are going to send me abortion pics through the mail which I can hang up around town. I hear you can get arrested for that so wish me luck.
 
DatGangstaStuff said:
Hello all…

Please, I need good guidence. Tonight I was studying for finals which I have tomorrow, and I decided to get a quick walk before I turned in to sleep… I walked a short distance then abortion began to weigh heavy on my mind- there is a clinic further down the way I’ve protested and prayed at. I began to wonder if I ought to go say a Rosary there… I didn’t want to, and these are all the reasons I could think of: 1. Would it even help at this time? Its 9 o clock and they are closed… Even if it wasn’t, when people see me pray won’t they just get angry and think I’m self righteous? 2. I have finals tomorrow and ought to sleep perhaps 3. I’m lazy. 4. I’m frightened.

I know these are all weak, but look at me- I am here typing this. I did not go… Why does this happen to me? Abortion is constantly on my mind- I feel I must go and pray at that clinic all the time- and it is all feelings, feelings in the back of my mind… Why can’t God speak to me with words and then I would follow His commands!!! Feelings are not substantial! I keep imaging the suffering little babies and it gives me no peace, every joy has its own little Hell somewhere tucked in. I wish I were dead at times. That and the outlaw of abortion are the only two options in which I will have long happiness, and the latter doesn’t seem like its going to happen. I am praying a rosary for the end of abortion tonight, but I have I failed? Ought I then to be at the clinic every waking moment and neglect all else? God help me if I have betrayed those children by not going tonight to pray there… I am of a scrupulous mind… I feel like I must cause myself pain and discomforts to do good… I have often told myself I would die to end abortion, but look! I didn’t even stand before that clinic and say prayers! What must I do to appease these voices and feelings in my head and heart!?
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Hello darling,
I think you did the very right thing by not going to pray outside the abortion mill at 9.pm and on your own. You place yourself in grave danger and this is definitely NOT what the Lord would ask of you.
One thing we know is this, that when something becomes so obsessive and all consuming, then this is not from God. Where God is there is an ineffable peace, and not such agitation.
I think it is important to do well in your studies, and do the study required to do well and perhaps in your future life you may be able to help those who come to you with an abortion issue.
I am sensing the development of OCD ( religious scrupulosity)
which is really not nice, so if you were coming to see me for counsel I would ask that you do not go to the abortion clinic at least for a time. Yes pray the Rosary (morning or evening-once a day) for the end of abortion and peace of heart and mind of humanity, but not go to the clinic because it is really disturbing you and it could become long term disturbance.
Please also would you go and see a spiritual director (a really good priest) and speak to him as you have spoken on this forum. It is important.
God Bless your life.
GraceAngel
 
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