Abortion question

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Eowyn86

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I have a close friend who is having some struggles, and he’s wondering how to handle them. When he was in high school, he was in a sexually active relationship. His girlfriend was on birth control. He remembers one time when she mentioned that she was a few weeks late for her period, but she later said that it started up and that he didn’t need to worry about a pregnancy.

Years later, after they had broken up, she mentioned in passing something about an abortion. He wasn’t sure if she was serious about saying that she’d had an abortion, or if it was just something she said because she knew it would upset him–this was right around the time that he was finding his faith and had found a girlfriend who was willing to respect his chastity, and she was very resentful of it. (He no longer has any contact with this girl.)

He’s very concerned that his ex girlfriend may have in fact aborted a child that he fathered–without his knowledge of it. Right now he’s very conflicted about whether or not he should feel sad for this loss. If she did have an abortion, he’d be very sad over it because he understands now how horrible it is to abort an unborn child. But if she just said it out of spite because she knew that he’d be upset over it, then he doesn’t want to dwell on it.

What can I tell him?
 
I’d suggest prayer and repentance.

There’s grounds for sorrow in either case. He could be sorrowful for the loss of his child, if indeed he had one who was killed. Or he could be sorrowful for the ex-girlfriend is she is lying. If she lied to him, the best thing is not to be resentful, but to be forgiving and pray for her. That doesn’t mean to reestablish any sort of relationship with her though.

The sad truth is that he will not know if he had a child who was killed or not. Even if he knew for certain that the woman had an abortion, there would still be the matter of who was the father.

It’s a lesson for him that our actions have serious consequences.

If he has not already made use of the sacrament of penance and confessed the past sins, he should do so as soon as possible. It sounds like he is sincerely remorseful and living a more Catholic life. That’s great.

God is merciful and just. We must unite all our sorrows to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

Pax Christi
 
He does seem like he’s doing his best to follow Catholic teaching and grow closer to God. He says that he’s already gone to confession for his sleeping around in his younger days, but he’s still not sure if he should feel regret over the possible abortion. That is, he would certainly regret it if he knew it actually happened, but since he won’t find out, he doesn’t know if he should dwell on it. He said that if he knew for sure that an abortion had occurred, he would want to pray for his child… But again, he’s not sure if there ever was one to begin with.

What a confusing situation. I’ve encouraged him to pray for all aborted babies and their parents, but I don’t know what else to tell him.
 
What a terrible thing for a man to go through. Men really are created to protect. When they feel as though they have failed in their vocation, possibly in protecting their own child, they are at a loss. It’s different for men, because they do not get to carry the child, but only support the woman during pregnancy. If he did have a child with her, he never got to even acknowledge the fact while he/she was alive. God bless him and help him to fill the void.

I’ll pray for him.

That’s just awful, really that she could speak so casually about abortion, whether she had one or not. Evil, really.

Yeah, he may need to go through a time of pain, but just remind him that he doesn’t know for sure that she did have an abortion.

Have him pray for her, as well. Also, have him forgive her, in case she did do that. This may help him heal.
 
This is a very awful situation. All he can do is forgive the ex-girlfriend and pray for her. He will never know for sure. And like you said, he can also pray for all the unborn babies.

I will keep you and your friend in my prayers.
 
Eowyn86 said:
I He’s very concerned that his ex girlfriend may have in fact aborted a child that he fathered–without his knowledge of it. Right now he’s very conflicted about whether or not he should feel sad for this loss. If she did have an abortion, he’d be very sad over it because he understands now how horrible it is to abort an unborn child. But if she just said it out of spite because she knew that he’d be upset over it, then he doesn’t want to dwell on it.

What can I tell him?
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of course he feels sad and conflicted about the whole relationship, which was in essence very damaging, as well as this sad possibility. Don’t deny natural feelings. He should take the entire matter to the priest in confession, confess all the sins he knows of, and mention the possibility that he may have unwittingly encouraged this girl to abort. The absolution will take care of all this guilt and is the only route to begin healing, and prepare for a more healthy relationship with someone else.
 
I agree your friend should talk with his priest and discuss the possability, and confess that he’s sorry if he contributed to such a thing.

Your friend is learning The HARD WAY, that sin, not matter being forgiven has consequences. That is, even though forgiven for the acts, he will still mull things over. This happens all the time.

Has he never said something he cringes about later. It’s really the same thing.

Time will Heal. The forgivenss rec’d will heal.

His real issue is that he’s still regretful of his past, as it turns out it’s effecting him long term.

So again… talking with a priest, it will help.
 
Thank you for all the support and especially for the prayers, I’m sure that he will be very touched to know that people are praying for him.

His journey back to Christ has been a long one; this is something that happened about 10 years ago, but he’s just now facing the possibility that an abortion occurred. I will definitely pass on the advice that he talk to a priest about it.
 
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