what makes Jesus so special, ever seen him?
My belief has grown in stages.
Stage 1 - My mother was a Jehovah’s witness. I learned about the existence of God like many children, before I had the capacity to doubt. God was as real as Santa Clause is to kids that grow up believing in him. I had no zeal for God or religion.
Stage 2 - About age 18, I went to step 1 and asked myself, “Do I believe there is a God.” I answer yes because I prefer that there is a God. Though I had no zeal in stage 1, God is a person who exists and I didn’t want to remove him from my world. In this stage I consider my role in the Divine scheme. Good guy? Bad guy? I consider what role others in the world play. There is a loose connection between my daily behavior and my thoughts about God and my relationship to him.
Stage 3 - In my early 30’s, I can see that poor behavior and poor morality (average American lifestyle) has taken a toll on my relationships, self image, emotion stability, and mental well-being. From experience, I conclude that if I could become wiser in the ways of righteousness my life would improve. I observe some Catholic people and vaguely sense that they have a greater sense of direction and well being.
Stage 4 - Age 32, I start going to RCIA and attending Mass. I learn that the Catholic Church has a wealth of knowledge about virtue and sin. I am impressed by how much they know about the human condition. I learn that the church is the oldest church for Christianity. Jesus Christ is a natural choice because of my life long initiation into Christianity. My knowledge of other religions is poor. I rule out polytheistic religions. My religious formation is monotheistic. I prefer one supreme God. I prefer Jesus Christ. I idealize self-sacrifice and heroism and kindness and mercy.
Stage 5 - I spend one year going to Catholic Mass. Shortly before my conditional baptism and confirmation I experience a profound internal change. I feel an inner flame. Temperature, like 40,000 degrees. Persistent.
Stage 6 - Age 33 to 38, I become zealous but lack wisdom or knowledge. I’m counseled to not speak about the Holy Spirit, because “I’m not that good at it.” My great faults as a human being become ever more obvious. I marvel at the strength of my heart. I come to believe that the Holy Spirit dwells within me. I forget what despair feels like.
Stage 7 - Age 39 - 40, I prefer the Catholic God and in prayer I say, “I prefer you Jehovah the Father, and you Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit whom I dread most to offend. I prefer you because you are righteous, not because I am righteous. Over all other (fictional)gods and demons and angels and spiritual powers and earthly powers, I prefer you because you are merciful and forgiving but firm in your justice.”
