C
Crown_of_Stars
Guest
Tonight, I was talking with my mother (she lives with me) and she told me, for not the first time, how her faith isn’t strong. She has depression now and then (nothing that needs to be clinically treated, as it isn’t severe) and she has often been angry at God, or wondered if He is even real. She talked to me tonight about how terrible the world is, and why He just lets it go on and on, hasn’t it gotten bad enough? While I completely agree with her, that the world has become so immersed and embracing of the worst sin it’s like a living hell, I never feel anger toward Him. The most I’ve said to Him in my mind is, “How can You stand it?” when I think of all of the unborn children slaughtered so viciously and uncaringly inside of their own mother’s womb. My mother went so far as to say that it’s almost as if He somehow gets twisted enjoyment out of seeing it all, and that to say we have free-will is a “cop out”, meaning just an excuse to blame us for awful things He supposedly revels in seeing and that He didn’t have to make us that way. Yet just the other day, the tables were turned, and I was the one getting angry and she was the one telling me to calm down, and that even though we don’t understand it, He knows when He’s seen the limit and only He knows when it is the right time to do something. And to have her completely contradicting all of what she said just tonight confuses the both of us. Is she having what is called a “dark night of the soul”, or is she saying blasphemous things that could be mortal sin? She mostly tries to have a strong faith, watches “EWTN” shows, gets emotional during some of them, if it’s the Mass or the Rosary if she sees a child laying flowers at the feet of Mary…and then she can turn around and say God gets “twisted enjoyment” out of our worst sins, and that our free-will is a “cop out.” I love my mother, but I just don’t understand. I know full well He doesn’t get “twisted enjoyment.” That would be Satan. Does Satan have a hold on her, do you think? Is she sinning by saying these things, when it is being said out of what could be called “righteous anger”? Tonight she also said she finds it “weird” how Jesus “seemed upset” toward the end of His life, when He knew He would die and the reason, and that it is almost as if He had a “duel personality.” She said how she just wonders, really, if any of it was ever true. I asked her, how would you feel if you knew it wasn’t true…and I asked her, would she feel disappointed? (Because that is how I know I would feel, to put it lightly. She said she would, so that tells me that she wants for it to be true, but just doesn’t “feel it.” I’ve had moments of not “feeling it” either, but I also understand that that is what faith is. It is supposed to be blind, because that’s what makes it faith. Believing without seeing, as Jesus Himself spoke of countless times. Yet nothing I say can make her understand. She is of two minds. Seeming to be deeply rooted in faith…then the next moment, saying things like this. What should I make of this? Thankyou for any insight.
I will also add that she wouldn’t ever talk to a priest. Her depression and social anxiety has kept her from church for years, and I pray that even so her soul will be saved, along with my own.
I will also add that she wouldn’t ever talk to a priest. Her depression and social anxiety has kept her from church for years, and I pray that even so her soul will be saved, along with my own.
Letting her live quietly, the way she wants to live, is all that is important to me, and prayers are more powerful than anything.
:byzsoc: