About my stillborn children

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heathernoel

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About their salvation…

I know that God is merciful, and all children belong to Him. But, in those moments where I’m truly down, and thinking about what I’ve lost, this question bugs the heck out of me. Please be gentle with answers…but don’t sugarcoat anything. I am a candidate in RCIA, so I don’t know too much about anything 😛

Our first stillborn son, Marshall, was born 3/30/08. He was asleep at his 20th week u/s. I don’t remember much about the days between the u/s and his delivery, and I’m ashamed to say that when he was born, we were not prepared. We held him, said goodbye, and after his cremation, his urn was blessed. But we forgot to have him baptized.😦 😊 It just didn’t occur to us in the midst of all that. Will we see him again?

Our second son, Jonah, was anencephalic. We were prepared for his birth, and he was baptized by the parish close to the hospital. But he was baptized after death (he was born still). Is his baptism valid even though he wasn’t alive?

I know that among angel Mommies (of all faiths) we assure each other that our children ARE saints, and we WILL see them again. But are these empty words?

Thanks. I think tonight’s All Soul’s Mass brought me back to my grief :(:(:(😦
 
I really sorry about your losses. 😦 Do you have any other children?

The Church says that we dont know what happens to unbaptized babies, or babies who die before being baptized. The Church would like to think through God’s grace and mercy the children are in heaven!

IMO, I think that the children are in heaven waiting for their families to come to heaven as well. They are also guardian angels protecting you in your daily lives 🙂

Hopefully I made you feel better!!
 
heathernoel said:
About their salvation…

I know that God is merciful, and all children belong to Him. But, in those moments where I’m truly down, and thinking about what I’ve lost, this question bugs the heck out of me. Please be gentle with answers…but don’t sugarcoat anything. I am a candidate in RCIA, so I don’t know too much about anything 😛

Our first stillborn son, Marshall, was born 3/30/08. He was asleep at his 20th week u/s. I don’t remember much about the days between the u/s and his delivery, and I’m ashamed to say that when he was born, we were not prepared. We held him, said goodbye, and after his cremation, his urn was blessed. But we forgot to have him baptized.😦 😊 It just didn’t occur to us in the midst of all that. Will we see him again?

Our second son, Jonah, was anencephalic. We were prepared for his birth, and he was baptized by the parish close to the hospital. But he was baptized after death (he was born still). Is his baptism valid even though he wasn’t alive?

I know that among angel Mommies (of all faiths) we assure each other that our children ARE saints, and we WILL see them again. But are these empty words?

Thanks. I think tonight’s All Soul’s Mass brought me back to my grief :(:(:(😦
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No one can answer yes, they are saved, or no, they are not. I am being honest when I say that no one knows, but God Himself and the saints and angels. Trust in Him and His mercy. Your prayers for them now can still have an affect on their salvation, too. St. Padre Pio prayed for his deceased father after the events, and when asked why he replied: “My prayers for him now assure his salvation in the past.” Or, at least, something along those lines. I don’t have the exact quote.
I understand that you no doubt went through great stress after the birth of your first child and due to this stress never had him baptized. Again, all I can say is trust in God and pray for His mercy, perhaps you would find reciting the Divine Mercy chaplet for them every night or even every week for them to be comforting.
Baptism of the dead was forbidden during the 4th century, and so the baptism was not valid.
Again, trust in God. I believe you have two saints praying for you even now.
 
I’m so sorry for your losses. I, too, struggled with this question when we lost our daughter at 16 weeks. Our first baby we lost only a few days after learning we were pregnant, so there wasn’t much we could do there. With Mary, though, it was a different story. I had a few days to prepare, and had the opportunity to speak with my pastor who has been an absolute Godsend. The above poster is correct. According to the Catechism, we entrust these little one’s to God’s mercy. I cannot imagine a God who would do anything other than bring them back to Himself, so I trust that I will see my babies again, despite being unable to baptise either one. The Catholic church does not baptise posthumously (I asked about that also…hoping that my desire to have my little ones baptised would suffice).

I will keep you in prayer. I know all too well how much this hurts.
 
Some theologians think that there’s a sort of baby limbo… but common thought is that children who die go to heaven. It’s as simple as that 🙂 God’s not limited to our actions at all. Because of His infinite mercy, can you really imagine Him sending your baby to hell? It’s unthinkable.

I’ve thought about this a lot too… maybe since we do get this sort of vast intelligence and happiness once we get to heaven, the babies who didn’t get a chance to really live might get a choice like the angels (the reason there’s hell and demons). That’s my own idea though:)

My mom miscarried after I was born, and the little girl was 10 weeks old. I believe that she’s with God now:heaven: So I’m going to start asking her to pray for me!

*Back to the baby limbo, I don’t remember the source but it’s a teaching of the Church that we don’t have to believe in it as there’s no way we could ever know, it’s just speculation.

Also baptisms are valid as long as they’re very close to time of death. Dying’s a process, so there’s no way you could be sure if he was completely dead or not.

God is not hateful, He loves His sons far more than you do, and would never send them to hell just because of some technicality. That’s Church teaching. There’s nothing to sugarcoat 🙂 If I were you I’d ask for their intercession as well! They’re probably having the best time right now, and you can look forward to meeting them again one day, like I can meet my sister.

Love, Ljubim
 
I am so sorry for your losses. I pray you find comfort from your grief. This is what the catechism teaches:

261 As regards children who have died without Baptism, the Church can only entrust them to the mercy of God, as she does in her funeral rites for them. Indeed, the great mercy of God who desires that all men should be saved, and Jesus’ tenderness toward children which caused him to say: “Let the children come to me, do not hinder them,”[63] allow us to hope that there is a way of salvation for children who have died without Baptism. All the more urgent is the Church’s call not to prevent little children coming to Christ through the gift of holy Baptism.

This sounds kind of bland and dismal to me considering your desire to know where your children are. I almost didn’t post it for that reason…but then I focused on one word and I want you to as well----“MERCY”. God’s mercy is inexhaustible. God’s mercy is beyond all understanding.
If you have ever heard of “limbo” I want you to know that is is not dogma (a belief that must be accepted within the church). It was a tradition within the church but has recently been done away with. Even as a tradition it wasn’t taught as truth…just a possibility. But it’s not even that anymore— limbo is nothing. So, there are two places a soul can go after death, not three (no limbo), there is Heaven and Hell. If we believe in a loving, just and almighty and MERCIFUL God, then we must know that He would accept the little children He loved so into His Kingdom! These are the most innocent and precious in His sight! He would not let one escape His Mercy…let me repeat that and please hold it in your heart…He would not let one escape His mercy!

I am not sugar coating—but I truly believe you will see your children in Heaven. I believe in a God who is merciful beyond our understanding. If He can forgive me, a horrible sinner, surely He has enough mercy for a pure soul!

Congratulations on your enrollment in RCIA! Welcome home to the Catholic church!
As you study I would suggest learning the Divine Mercy Chaplet (a beautiful prayer given by our Lord to St.Faustina.) It is a beautiful devotion to the mercy of God and would be comforting for you to pray in remembrance of your children.
Also EWTN television is priceless for learning the faith. --sorry to go on a tangent. Just happy to hear you are joining the faith! God bless.
 
The Church’s official teaching is in the Catechism of the Catholic Church. She doesn’t know. [, the Church can only entrust them to the mercy of God, as she does in her funeral rites for them. Indeed, the great mercy of God who desires that all men should be saved, and Jesus’ tenderness toward children which caused him to say: "Let the children come to me, do not hinder them,"64 allow us to hope that there is a way of salvation for children who have died without Baptism. All the more urgent is the Church’s call not to prevent little children coming to Christ through the gift of holy Baptism.
[1261](javascript:openWindow(‘cr/1261.htm’)😉
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children who have died without Baptism](javascript:openWindow(‘cr/1261.htm’)😉

We can add to that the knowledge that God loves all our children far more than we ever can. So we pray and trust to Him to do better for them than we ever can.

I see there have been other answers while I was writing this. I think we are all giving the same message.
 
First off, I am sorry for your tragic losses.

As far as the Baptism after “death” we don’t know for certain that a person has died until their is visible corruption in the body (generally about 4 hours post-mortem).

Therefore the Church can and does administer this Sacrament (along with Last Rites) conditionally to those who appear dead, often with the words “If you are alive then I Baptize you… etc.” However if a Sacrament is given to someone who is clearly dead (for example if their is visible corruption or severe trauma) then the Sacrament is invalid as Sacraments ca only be applied to the living, as only they are capable of receiving it.

As far as Limbo, the Church officially teaches today that we rely on the Mercy of God. There have been Theologians who have taken strong positions on this subject, for example St. Augustine strongly believed that unbaptized children cannot go to heaven, but as they did not commit actual sin they are not punished, and while they aren’t with God they don’t realize what they’re missing so they are happy, there are however Theologians opposed such a hard line view, [one must note however that Baptism of Desire does not apply to infants, only those who have reached the age of reason].

I would not worry, it is a good reminder, especially on All Souls Day, that we will all be risen on the last day.

I hope this information is helpful.

Laus Deo
 
Thank you all for your heartfelt replies. I am SO sorry to know that I am not alone. If I could carry all infant/pregnancy losses and not have another woman worry about it, I would do it in a heart beat.

As you all know, grief is a vicious cycle. Even though I know that they are in His hands, as am I, the mommy side of me wishes I could peak into Heaven and see my little boys, whole, happy, and loved. I am better…99% of the time I can picture them with my mom waiting for my journey Home. Other times, it bothers me that there are concepts like limbo and purgatory. Surely the sins of the parents (not having Marshall baptized) wouldn’t be cast upon the children. Oh, my sons 😦

Jonah’s birth was induced :(:(:(😦 we are not sure when he passed, but he was stuck sideways inside of me until the drs. realized he wasn’t in my womb. He needed help coming out, and was baptized by a chaplain through a Catholic Church within minutes of delivery.

But, I DO believe that since our desire was that our boys should receive the sacrament of Baptism, they were in His eyes. Perhaps it’s a coping mechanism? St. Augustine’s view is hard! To know that our kids are somewhere, not with Him, but happy, is small comfort… Not knowing is hard. I appreciate knowing this…thank you.

Thanks for the welcome Home! I have been PATIENTLY waiting for DH to begin the process of dealing with his first marriage. I can’t push him, but he’s finally coming around. I’ve been swimming for 4 years!!

God bless you all! Peace be with you!
 
Oh! And yes, we do have three little girls here! Our tag line is 3 with feet, 2 with wings 🙂
 
This is an issue I struggle with as well. My wife had a miscarriage 4 years ago. We have since been blessed with a little girl. I still wonder about the child that passed away though. There are days I wish the Church would make a pronouncement on the destination of the souls of these children. I know deep down that it will not happen. I know that we must trust in God’s mercy. God knew in this case and in all cases that death would occur before the child could be baptized. His MERCY is greater than any circumstance however. Once God gives the gift of life, he never takes it back. I have read where some believe the children are in a different state of happiness but do not see God. I do not believe that one bit. God calls us to be like children, why would HE not want these beautiful souls to see him and worship him. I believe one day, if I am welcomed into Heaven, that I will see this child of mine. I believe that all parents, if they are welcomed into Heaven, will see these children. The big issue for us down here on Earth right now is to TRUST in his mercy. God’s MERCY is greater than all human understanding. Keep praying for these children as well as those who suffer death through abortion and one day we will see all these children by the Glory of God. They are “our” little angels praying fervently for the mommies and daddies here on Earth.

God Bless you and God Bless each and everyone
 
heathernoel:

My prayer for you is that very soon you will be able to replace your pain with the joy of knowing that the Holy Spirit is in control of things we see and things we do not see. Knowing is different from ‘knowing’ with your mind. You will feel it. Going through RCIA will help you, it helped me when I needed to trust in God concerning things that were out of my control. I went through RCIA at a very difficult time but I learned to totally trust in the Holy Spirit during my journey. It was truly a blessing.

Think of this, God created every soul to worship Him and for us to one day do this in communion with Him, His Son, and all the saints in Heaven. So I don’t think your babies lived in vain. But that’s just my opinion.

Pray for them and ask God to let their short lives be a comfort to you in your suffering. Being a mother is a gift. God lets us participate in His Creation. You have accepted that gift and will continue to feel that gift as long as you have their memories in your heart.

Peace truly be with you,

HC
 
cmom4 said:
I am so sorry for your losses. I pray you find comfort from your grief. This is what the catechism teaches:

261 As regards children who have died without Baptism, the Church can only entrust them to the mercy of God, as she does in her funeral rites for them. Indeed, the great mercy of God who desires that all men should be saved, and Jesus’ tenderness toward children which caused him to say: “Let the children come to me, do not hinder them,”[63] allow us to hope that there is a way of salvation for children who have died without Baptism. All the more urgent is the Church’s call not to prevent little children coming to Christ through the gift of holy Baptism.

This sounds kind of bland and dismal to me considering your desire to know where your children are. I almost didn’t post it for that reason…but then I focused on one word and I want you to as well----“MERCY”. God’s mercy is inexhaustible. God’s mercy is beyond all understanding.
If you have ever heard of “limbo” I want you to know that is is not dogma (a belief that must be accepted within the church). It was a tradition within the church but has recently been done away with. Even as a tradition it wasn’t taught as truth…just a possibility. But it’s not even that anymore— limbo is nothing. So, there are two places a soul can go after death, not three (no limbo), there is Heaven and Hell. If we believe in a loving, just and almighty and MERCIFUL God, then we must know that He would accept the little children He loved so into His Kingdom! These are the most innocent and precious in His sight! He would not let one escape His Mercy…let me repeat that and please hold it in your heart…He would not let one escape His mercy!

I am not sugar coating—but I truly believe you will see your children in Heaven. I believe in a God who is merciful beyond our understanding. If He can forgive me, a horrible sinner, surely He has enough mercy for a pure soul!

Congratulations on your enrollment in RCIA! Welcome home to the Catholic church!
As you study I would suggest learning the Divine Mercy Chaplet (a beautiful prayer given by our Lord to St.Faustina.) It is a beautiful devotion to the mercy of God and would be comforting for you to pray in remembrance of your children.
Also EWTN television is priceless for learning the faith. --sorry to go on a tangent. Just happy to hear you are joining the faith! God bless.
Click to expand...
Pardon me. But you have accidentally typed in the wrong paragraph numbers.
The paragraph which pertains to stillborn children is 1257. The closing line is key.

“God has bound salvation to the sacrament of Baptism, but He Himself is not bound by His sacraments”
 
grannymh said:
Pardon me. But you have accidentally typed in the wrong paragraph numbers.
The paragraph which pertains to stillborn children is 1257. The closing line is key.

“God has bound salvation to the sacrament of Baptism, but He Himself is not bound by His sacraments”

[](http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc.htm)
Click to expand...
Either paragraph applies. You are correct that God could have a way other than Baptism to offer the Grace of Baptism outside of the Sacrament. This of course is not considered equal to Sacramental Baptism, because it does not supply the mark of Sacramental Baptism, but still removes Original sin.
 
Hi Heather I was upset yesterday on that other thread regarding stillborn children.It made me feel very insecure in my faith which had been renewed by some wonderful priests who have spent a lot of time talking to me about God calling our children to Him and they are certainly in heaven with Him.He calls them to Him. In the thread Mommies of little saints “mylo” posted a prayer for miscarriage from Mother Angelica from EWTN with a link to it directly.I looked it up and I found it very consoling.I am sorry for your loss of your two sons.Trust in Gods love you will know in your heart they are definitely in heaven as I have been told by my priests!God bless
 
Baptism after death is not valid; it has no effect.

See this article on mystical Baptism.
catholicplanet.com/RCC/mystical-baptism.htm

Although the Magisterium has not defined an answer to the question of what happens to prenatals and infants who die without baptism, this article provides an answer from sound Roman Catholic theology.

“Therefore, the following solution is proposed. All prenatals, infants, and young children, who die at that early stage in life, are given the sanctifying grace of a mystical Baptism, either prior to, or at the moment of death (i.e. in the last moment of life), by virtue of being united, through their own deaths, with the Source of all salvation: Christ dying on the Cross. However, if substantial suffering occurs prior to death, then sanctifying grace may be given to these young souls at the time of their suffering, rather than later, at the moment of death.”

“The Blessed Virgin Mary was saved in the very first moment of her life, even though at that point in time she had done nothing at all herself. Similarly, these young souls can be saved at the very last moment of their life, even if at that point in time (having died very young, even in the womb) they may have done nothing good in their lives, other than accepting salvific grace at that last moment. For salvation is not merited by anyone, not even by the Virgin Mary; eternal salvation is a free and undeserved gift from the Infinite Mercy of God. Therefore, having committed no mortal sins, and having been permitted by the Providence of God to suffer the great loss of the greater part of a normal lifespan, these young souls, pure and humble, receive eternal salvation as late as the moment of death, that is, in the very last moment of life, from Christ, Who poured forth saving grace from the Cross even through the last moment of His human life, and at the very moment of His death.”
 
Teresa…Thank you!!!

Ron…reading your words made my heart skip a beat! God bless you for posting what I needed to read! Bless YOU!!
 
Hello All,

Our fifth child, first daughter was stillborn on Oct. 23, 09 at 38 weeks. I have confidence in the mercy of our Lord and believe that Mary Elizabeth is our special Saint in heaven. I miss her terribly, I grieve her and our lost memories but I have hope in the resurrection. I have faith that she’s in the arms of our Lord and our lady. I’m not sure that I could handle this without my faith and the prayers of all that we know.

Michael
 
Michael I am so very sorry for your loss of Mary Elizabeth.We know Our Blessed Lord has her and all of our children in heaven in His loving arms.
Eternal rest grant unto all our children who have died O Lord
and may perpetual light shine upon them
may they rest in peace Amen
 
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