About prayer and life frustrations

[Eleven]

So thank you to anyone who has prayed for me in the past when I’ve requested. Please know that I’ve prayed for many of you also. As to my personal life, I have given up on much of my prayers. For years and years now I’ve prayed for many things, several of which are important with regard to family illnesses, my dating pursuits, and some other things. Each of these prayers have seemingly been answered 180 opposite how I’ve prayed for them. Day in and day out, literally for decades plural now, I’ve toiled in these prayers and taken action to effect them as well so as not to be passive. And yet, every cross remains. And recently my heart was crushed again, devastated. There’s not much left in here and I don’t know how I can ever fully recover anymore. This has happened too many times.

As far as I’m concerned, this world is a little slice of hell where seemingly nothing good ever happens. Ever. Perhaps I exaggerate, but it isn’t by much. I look forward to no day. Just waking up to the same sick and broken nightmare. And I can only presume it pleases God that I be a wreck with a shriveled heart of ashes. I’m to the point where I’m no longer impressed by stories of saints that we share, about how they prayed for years and years and finally were “heard.”

Where this post comes in is that I recommend you use caution whenever telling others something like “keep on praying” and you can even get the “miracle” you’ve been asking for. That God wants you to be happy. Some of the best, most well known preachers have said such things. Scripture says ask and you shall receive. And what father gives his child a scorpion when he asks for an egg? I don’t have expectations that God is just to be used as a source of getting what I want. At the same time, as a child of God, I expect results more than never. Ever. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no saint. I don’t have a sense of “entitlement.” I have a sense of “more than never.”

Either I’m too blind to see any results or it pleases God that I should futilely cry out in grief year after year. Feel like I’m praying to a wall. And live in this sick disaster. Emptiness. Frustration. Exhaustion. Growing bitterness. You have to be very careful when you encourage people to pray and act and how it helps change your life. No. If God doesn’t want it, it will not happen. Even if it is something objectively good. It does not matter how many tears or painful pleas come out of your heart. If God wills that you never smile in this world, you aren’t going to.

So I’ve decided to give up many of my formal prayers after many years because I just don’t know what to do. Mine are sterile for all I know. Maybe God is telling me not to do all these prayers and have expectations and be disappointed. I’ll move onto just offering up whatever happens in the day and try to get some other hobbies. Anyway, thanks again for any of the prayers you’ve made. I can only hope they have some value unknown to me.

 

[ynotzap]

Eleven: What if you by your frustrations and troubles you were compelled to go to the feet of Jesus in order to plead for your desires, in prayer. What if by doing this frequently, you find yourself in this same place, at the feet of Jesus. What if by all these actions you discover by grace, that Jesus is your greatest need, and He is answering your prayers for love, peace and happiness as much as attainable in this life. He is first and foremost in our lives, all else revolves around Him, and receives it"s value in relation to Him. You were made by Him, and for Him.

 

[ClearWater]

To say God “never” gives you what you want, or need, probably is not true. First, try being grateful for what you do have. I know it’s a cliché, but consider counting your blessings. I remember a counselor once suggested that to me, and I didn’t like the idea, thought he had to be kidding until I actually tried it. I thought he didn’t understand me or all I was dealing with.

At first, I couldn’t come up with 10 things, let alone 100 things/day as he asked. Later, I was able to see what I had, that despite all my problems, I was extremely lucky. Compared to the rest of the world, I was actually doing quite well.

For example, now, I live in a Catholic country where I have freedom of religion and multiple churches I can go to within walking distance. I do have a disability, but I can walk a little. I have an electric wheelchair, manual one and all the adaptations I need to be independent.

I have more than enough food, a roof over my head. I have freedom to vote. I live in a country that is not at war.

I have 2 phones, a computer. I know how to read, have an education, know 2 languages.

I can afford to live and buy some extras, go out from time to time, and the other day I bought myself some flowers.

I have a wonderful boyfriend who also has a disability, but he doesn’t let it stop him.

Both of us for decades we were absolutely convinced we’d never be able to have love due to our disabilities. We saw that as a given. At this late age, we have both found love, but we had to go through a lot first. What we went through helped us both appreciate what we now have, and it helped strengthen our character. It made us stronger.

I still have my mother alive and all my sisters and brothers. Although we live in different countries, we are still in contact. I also have some very good friends.

We are having nice, sunny weather which I love.

I have severe juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, but I have health care and medication which helps me.

Years ago, I went to Ecuador where I saw some real poverty. I went to areas where they didn’t have bathrooms, and the people were very short. I’ve seen malnutrition in Mexico, and I worked with the indigenous people where they might have 4 children and have 3 die.

I’ve seen child labor and people who are totally illiterate to the point they can’t even read those picture signs like “no smoking”.

I’ve been in places where it was difficult to access clean drinking water, and the other water they had was rationed. They didn’t have water all day, only part of the day they had water. They sometimes didn’t have electricity. Their “houses” were shacks put together using Coke bottle tops as the washers with it nailed together. They had no heat, no a/c, no fan, and the roofs leaked in the rain, no washer, dryer, hair dryer or much of anything.
Oh yeah, and they had no beds, slept on the floor. They had scorpions and no fumigation.

There are places here that are far away which don’t have schools, and the only transportation is a truck coming and going once a day. Not everybody can afford cars.

I went to Chile and saw they didn’t have hot water all day. They’d need to put it on when needed, heat the water. In hospitals in Mexico, you need to bring someone with you to take care of you. Nurses here won’t do it. They only do IV’s, etc.

Now, I know we feel that realize that someone is starving in Africa doesn’t change our situation, but it may help to put it in perspective.

The secret of life and happiness doesn’t seem to be so much getting what we want as much as wanting what we get. I do know that happiness comes from within.

I know there is often a spiritual poverty in the US especially where people, despite all these wonderful things, can feel unloved. That is one of the worst feelings, but having a positive attitude will help that as well. It’s harder to feel disappointed when one is feeling grateful.

Good luck to you!

 

[Myst]

Sounds like you’re in the darkness. I just got out of a few years of that myself, and it really was hell on earth. Does it feel like you’re in the middle of a huge storm and you’re clinging to the cross by your fingernails and pure mental grit? That’s what it felt like for me. Prayed to a flipping golden box (our Tabernacle is gold) for so long I was starting to forget what it felt like to feel the presence of God. Three things helped me: 1) Supposedly prayers said while in darkness are the most fruitful even if they feel like mentally chewing cardboard 2) If good times don’t last forever than bad times can’t either 3) We Catholics have a lot of pre-set prayers so you don’t have to spend time thinking them up. It’s really helpful when you can just read one after another off of a page and know you’re doing it right.

Stick with it. Let go and you’ll die. Give up and the darkness will fade for a short while and then it’ll eat you up. Holler if you’re having a bad day and need a reminder that all is not lost.

 

[mattp0625]

Have you read Mother Angelica’s book? - Answers, Not Promises

It might give you insight

 

[fred_conty]

I’m terribly sorry to hear of your saddness and disappointments.
At times it does seem overwhelming.

But I have a simple question…has anyone accomplished anything by giving up? Isn’t it only by struggle that we obtain our goals?

I could only suggest a deeper look into prayer and use it for a way to get closer to Jesus by thinking of him as a personal friend. Talk to him as you would a close friend whom you really cared about. Just spend some quiet time with him in conversation.

I ask this because when I found this out, everything else in my life fell into place. I understood that the priority of my life was bound up in Jesus who was the answer. Tell him that you place your life and everything to do with it in his care.