Absitence before marriage

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Chuck1

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Hi , im a 15 year old male , and I was wondering how important is it to abstinence and having no sex before marriage , cuz it’s really hard and you have to find a girl who is also a virgin aswell and is a christian aswell !
Also i also struggle slot with lust so how important is it not to masterbuate because it’s hard being a teenager and especially if I’m going to absitence ?
Can anyone shed any light on this please , I really need need help !
Thanks 🙂
 
Chuck1 said:
Hi , im a 15 year old male , and I was wondering how important is it to abstinence and having no sex before marriage , cuz it’s really hard and you have to find a girl who is also a virgin aswell and is a christian aswell !
Also i also struggle slot with lust so how important is it not to masterbuate because it’s hard being a teenager and especially if I’m going to absitence ?
Can anyone shed any light on this please , I really need need help !
Thanks 🙂
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this seems a bit blunt so I was thinking this was a troll at first. I’ll address it as it’s not though 😛

Dude, I’m a 16 year old guy, and I feel you. It is really hard, but you’ve got to do it. Keep (and display!) high morals, and the right girl will come! Just keep an open mind, and you never know WHO can walk into your life~ Masturbation is even harder at our age ._. I know I struggle with it myself. Just try your hardest to resist urges, and talk to God! If you slip up, you slip up. But if you’re truly sorry, and put forth a positive effort to stop, I’m certain you’ll be forgiven. My prayers are with you, buddy. Best of luck!
 
Lol yh I was in a rush and not very good at explaining things so that why it’s sounds like a troll , but anyway thanks for the advice bud and I try really had to stay strong , god bless .
 
Chuck1 said:
Hi , im a 15 year old male , and I was wondering how important is it to abstinence and having no sex before marriage , cuz it’s really hard and you have to find a girl who is also a virgin aswell and is a christian aswell !
Also i also struggle slot with lust so how important is it not to masterbuate because it’s hard being a teenager and especially if I’m going to absitence ?
Can anyone shed any light on this please , I really need need help !
Thanks 🙂
Click to expand...
Hi Chuck,

The human sexual faculty is intended for use within the confines of marriage. This means that any premarital, extramarital, or generally nonmarital sexual activity is pretty much forbidden, and constitutes a grave sin if there are not mitigating circumstances in place (such as habituation, psychological disorder, etc.).

This is indeed very hard, especially in our sex-soaked consumer culture, and even more so when many girls nowadays have very little in the way of modesty. But I can tell you, if you indulge your desires, they will only get worse – and they will grow to control you in ways you won’t like. (I don’t mean this to sound threatening, only as a warning from someone who’s been there!) Your body may rebel for a while at self-control, but I think you’ll find it gets easier the more you practice it. Any time your lust gets too bad, you can always distract yourself from it with prayer or fun activities (video games work for me :)).

As far as marriage is concerned, is it really necessary that your future wife be a Christian and a virgin? (I actually don’t know, since I’m not yet a “true” Catholic). I know the Catholic Church permits sacramental marriages even if one partner is non-Catholic, subject to a few stipulations. And speaking personally, as someone who was kind of a rakish degenerate before finding my way to the Church, I’d hope that my earlier indiscretions would not be held against me.
 
You don’t need to be a virgin to get married. It is however, ideal, and the best possible way to enter a marriage. But if you were “rather rakish” (and I was too before I came home) just tell your significant other about it before the marriage talks start in earnest and hope he or she forgives you.

That being said, you are highly encouraged to date (for purposes of discerning marriage with) a person who is at the same level as you spiritually so that you are “equally yoked” and can help each other move towards Christ, instead of one holding the other back. So I would definitely advise against dating people who are not Catholic (or at least Christian!). Trust me, it sucks, and it doesn’t help the whole purity thing, since non-Christians are WAY less likely to save themselves.
 
Premarital sex and masturbation are both grave sins that damage us immensely. They train us to treat women as objects to use rather than people to love. They warp our view of other people and lead us to see people (especially women) in terms of what they can do for us. It will negatively effect every future relationship you have, including your marriage. It’s not a good path to trod.

As Alex said, it is difficult, especially at your age. But simply because something is difficult doesn’t mean we don’t do it. I think this is yet another negative consequence of the masturbation mindset: if it’s too hard, why try? That type of attitude is very harmful in the long run, not just with regards to intimacy and interpersonal relationships, but also with regards to one’s work ethic.

If one slips up, forgiveness is available. Make use of the Sacrament of Reconciliation as often as you falter. The Sacrament not only wipes away those sins, but it also gives us the grace to overcome those temptations in the future. If one is entrenched in this sin, it probably won’t happen all at once (though it could happen that way and has happened that way for some guys I know), but growing in holiness is often a gradual process. Keep praying.

I’ve always found useful the advice to reflect on God’s judgment before we sin and His mercy after we sin. The devil tries to get us to do the opposite. He wants us to think, “Oh, it’s no big deal” before it happens, and then beat ourselves up over it afterwards.

This sin is difficult to overcome, but it can be done. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
 
Lust is certainly the big struggle of the teenage years. The good news is that God won’t give you anything more than you can handle, which means that it’s more or less up to you, with God’s generosity and grace, to be strong in the fight.

First, abstinence is so much more common than you think. I’m in my 20s, just got married, and did so without ever have sexual intercourse before marriage. That doesn’t mean that I never crossed the line between chastity and lust–regretfully, I did–but I perservered through the trials. You wouldn’t believe how many teens (and adults) that are saving sex for marriage, but you don’t hear about it because it’s considered nerdy or whatever.

Second, impurity is a big challenge. And you may very well fall often in your struggle against masturbation and lust. Here are a few tips:

1.) Prayer. The only way you’ll be able to battle against temptation is through a robust, beatly prayer life.

2.) Frequent confession. When you fall, go to confession as soon as you can and leave everything in the hands of your confessor. The grace you’ll get there will strengthen you enormously.

3.) Avoid the occasions of sin. This one’s hard because when you’re a teenage guy, virtually everything is an occasion of sin. You watch a movie with a cute girl and you can’t get her out of your mind, right? You’re sitting in class with a bunch of girls in slinky clothing and you feel like you have no control over your eyes. And there are situations–like class–that you can’t avoid. But don’t make it more hard on yourself than it needs to be. Don’t go to the beach with a bunch of girls in bikinis lying around. Don’t look at sleazy YouTube videos.

Lust is like a bottomless pit. You can feed it and feed it with every sort of sin, and it’ll only demand more and more. You keep fantasizing about girls, but pretty soon that will get boring and you’ll have to start doing the real thing to get that “feeling.” When you’re struggling, exercise, talk to a friend, play video games, doing something to keep your mind off of temptation. Impurity is a release of energy, so if you can find a way to get rid of that energy by doing something else, you’ll be able to steer clear of sin.

Again, you will probably slip up from time to time. But never forget that God is very forgiving and that confession is your best resource, no matter how often you have to do it.
 
In our day and age it is difficult. It was difficult when I was a teenager and it continues now that I am adult. Unfortunately I don’t have time to provide you with some strong theological points, so I will share why as a teen and as an adult a pure practical reason why I have chosen to remained celebate until my marriage night.

Logistically how does one prevent unwanted pregnancy, and stds from happening? Practice: abstence because it’s difficult for them to happen when you aren’t doing it.

Once you find that special person, if you are lucky they will have the same values as you if not, make sure they are tested before you get married to ensure you will be safe. I say this because the only 100% foolproof method is absitence, all protective methods are at most 98% efficient if used properly.

The church has alot to say about this as well. I suggest that you read Theology of the Body for Teenagers by Jason Evert, Brian Butler and Crystalina Evert Or Theology of the body for Beginners by Christopher West, both books will help you alot with this question.

If you like the books, there are movies that explain it much deeper that are put out by the Theology of the Body Institute and by Christopher West

Good Luck
SG
 
Chuck1 said:
Hi , im a 15 year old male , and I was wondering how important is it to abstinence and having no sex before marriage , cuz it’s really hard and you have to find a girl who is also a virgin aswell and is a christian aswell !
Also i also struggle slot with lust so how important is it not to masterbuate because it’s hard being a teenager and especially if I’m going to absitence ?
Can anyone shed any light on this please , I really need need help !
Thanks 🙂
Click to expand...
First of all as for confession you will have to deal with your confessor. Being only 15, you should not have these things on your mind, You’re a young man that should be playing in sports or have a hobby. If it is that difficult, try to depart from one another because if you don’t, you know you will have sex anyway! YOu should not be having difficulties with masturbation because of abstience. I am not a priest, so I cannot direct you in the spiritual aspect, but why don’t you make an appointment with your parish priest and talk these things out.

JESUS I TRUST IN YOU
 
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