Abstaining in Marriage

[Lighthouse2000]

Is it wrong for a married couple to purposely abstain from sex for a period of time? What I mean is, if both agree to not “being together” for say a month, would it be outside church teaching? It is not due to any problems, but wanting to become more in tune through prayer and purity.

Thanks.

 

[Xantippe]

Is it wrong for a married couple to purposely abstain from sex for a period of time? What I mean is, if both agree to not “being together” for say a month, would it be outside church teaching? It is not due to any problems, but wanting to become more in tune through prayer and purity.

Thanks.

Presumably, it would be something to do under spiritual direction.

 

[1ke]

Is it wrong for a married couple to purposely abstain from sex for a period of time? What I mean is, if both agree to not “being together” for say a month, would it be outside church teaching? It is not due to any problems, but wanting to become more in tune through prayer and purity.

Thanks.

The Church has no prohibition on such an arrangement. If both spouses are in accord, that is perfectly fine.

 

[spiderweb]

You may find this other topic of interest forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=947898

 

[fpt]

Is it wrong for a married couple to purposely abstain from sex for a period of time? What I mean is, if both agree to not “being together” for say a month, would it be outside church teaching? It is not due to any problems, but wanting to become more in tune through prayer and *purity. *

Do you suggest that the conjugal act is impure and is going against the purity??? I think not!!! The conjugal act is pure. Here, the manner of formulating the reason is not very relevant and is not fair.

Thanks.

The bilateral, reciprocal and mutual agreement between the husband and his wife of abstaining to have conjugal sex in the Catholic Marriage, for a time, is totally moral. May be, before taking this decision, the couple should get advice coming from their confessors, but the fact of looking for some advice is not, in the catholicism, a formal obligation for the couple.This decision has to be consented by the two spouses, totally freely. This decision has to be really mutual, reciprocal and bilateral, otherwise, that is morally unfair and against the conjugal justice. In addition, at each moment, each member of this couple can decide to break this temporary agreement of abstaining to have sex, and thus, can to request the conjugal act to the other without sin and without moral offense, and the other has to say yes and can not protest against. The fact of practicing the conjugal act is the principle and the un-practice is the exception.

 

[Lighthouse2000]

Thanks for your answers. I am not suggesting that the conjugal act is impure in anyway whatsoever. What I meant by purity is by returning the act to its rightful form of intimacy without benefit of “role playing fantasy” or when lovemaking is brought on more by lust than love. The act itself is pure and beautiful, but I was referring to blocking these outside influences from the marriage bed.

 

[fpt]

Thanks for your answers. I am not suggesting that the conjugal act is impure in anyway whatsoever. What I meant by purity is by returning the act to its rightful form of intimacy without benefit of “role playing fantasy” or when lovemaking is brought on more by lust than love. The act itself is pure and beautiful, but I was referring to blocking these outside influences from the marriage bed.

In my humble opinion, these words "role playing fantasy" should be defined in order to avoid the wrong interpretations!!! Otherwise, I agree with you.

For being very clear:

The sexual discovery of the body of the other during the session of the marital act is pure, per se;

The foreplay to give and to receive, in the human fashion during the session of the marital act, are pure, per se;

The sexual preliminaries to give and to receive, in the human fashion during the session of the marital act, are pure, per se;

All the sexual positions during the session of the marital act are pure, per se;

The fact of avoiding the conjugal sexual routine by few changes, by few innovations and by a conjugal creativity, during the session of the marital act, is pure, per se;

The fact of intensifying the conjugal sexual pleasures and the conjugal orgasms during the session of the marital act, in the human fashion in respecting the natural order of the marital act, during the session of the marital act, is pure, per se;

 

[fpt]

Thanks for your answers. I am not suggesting that the conjugal act is impure in anyway whatsoever. What I meant by purity is by returning the act to its rightful form of intimacy without benefit of *“role playing fantasy” *or when lovemaking is brought on more by lust than love. The act itself is pure and beautiful, but I was referring to blocking these outside influences from the marriage bed.

You need to known that there are two types of conjugal fantasies: the wrong fantasies and the good fantasies.

For information:

The conjugal act before mass of Sunday with the reception of Holy communion is totally moral and is not impure. Each one can request the marital act and each can say yes. The simple fact of invoking, unilaterally, the Sunday’s Mass with the reception of Holy communion f*or refusing the conjugal request coming from the other is a misunderstanding concerning the conjugal act and the rules of marriage. *This spiritual reason that is used, unilaterally, is not fair: that is not a legitimate reason.

As the conjugal act is a prayer, a liturgy, a good invention of God, the Holy act, a natural act, a physical act, a spiritual act and an act of conjugal love, why to refuse of practicing it, before the Mass of Sunday with the reception of Holy communion. In the past, some Saints, some Doctors of Church, some Fathers of Church, some Popes had difficulties to think of the conjugal act, *in the positive way. *But, the Official Magisterium is clear: today we have the total teaching in the details with all the subtleties.

 

[fpt]

Is it wrong for a married couple to purposely abstain from sex for a period of time? What I mean is, if both agree to not “being together” for say a month, would it be outside church teaching? It is not due to any problems, but wanting to become more in tune through prayer and purity.

Thanks.

In Catholicism, only, the couple has the power, the competence, the right and the authority to decide of not practicing the conjugal act (of abstaining from the marriage debt).

No temporal power has this power, this competence, this right and this authority;* no spiritual power* has this power, this competence, this right and this authority. The fact of having another view (the fact of thinking the contrary) is not respectful of the nature, of the supernatural, and thus of the Catholicism.* It is non negotiable rule.*

The fact of abstaining from the marriage debt for a time for spiritual reasons has to be consented mutually, bilaterally and reciprocally. *The unilateral decision is morally unacceptable: that is morally wrong. *

 

[nodito]

fpt, I feel like you’re kind of going overboard with your responses to the OP’s very simple question. It’s as if she asked what the weather was today and you started pontificating on barometric pressure, historical weather data, surface temperature, etc when all she really wanted to know was whether or not it was raining.

Yes, the marital act is good and holy and I don’t think the OP disagrees with that. Still, it’s possible for the marital act to become corrupted and I think this is what the OP was trying to indicate by her saying in shorthand “role playing fantasy” which, at least in the US, can have some unchaste connotations. I wonder if this isn’t a slight cultural or language clash we’re experiencing, fpt, as you are in France, no?

OP, to answer your question: it is not wrong for a married couple to abstain for a mutually agreed upon time, and, in fact, in 1 Cor 7:5, St. Paul specifically allows for such when he writes “Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

God bless.

 

[Lighthouse2000]

Nodito - thanks for your response. I appreciate the quote from St. Paul , it makes a lot of sense. Much appreciated.