This is a different parish than the one that switched from Eagle’s Wings to Chant. Also, others in the parish are facebook friends with some of the leadership but when my friend tried to add the leadership, they blocked him. Doesn’t that set off some alarms? Also, kicking my friend out for being conservative? And also, we do not have a pastor at the church we are talking about in this post as this is a college Newman Center.
I have not followed any other posts and therefore what I offer, I do so based on what is before me here in this thread.
As a priest, and not knowing the nature of your friend’s disability, I am at pains to think of a circumstance in which a disabled person’s discomfort with a specific genre or aspect of music could be reasonably accommodated. I don’t know what that would look like. If the organ, for example, caused a nervous reaction, I could not thereby obviate the use of the organ from all music ministry. It would be like asking me to accommodate the lighting in the Church for someone visually impaired. If someone is photosensitive, as an example, the accommodation could not be a church that is devoid of light and shrouded in darkness as that is not a reasonable accommodation.
Similarly, I know nothing about Facebook but people who are in positions of ministry – volunteer or professional – retain their right to privacy in their own lives. There are various reasons for which a person might choose not to cross their public life with something they reserve for close personal friends and family. That they choose carefully whom they associate with in off hours on social media cannot be attributed as a fault or as an offensive exclusivity.
I have not seen or understood that your friend was “kicked out” but that his/her schedule for serving was diminished. Again, not knowing the situation, I cannot assess if this is because of an issue with the disability or a concern related to it – or if there was an awkwardness from some other issue wherein the priest in charge felt everyone was better served by adjusting the serving schedule to avoid unpleasantness for all concerned…if this is in fact what happened.
I am concerned, frankly, that you are describing that the vicar general and priests are dismissing your concerns. Your concerns should be addressed and the disposition should be explained to you in a comprehensible fashion. I hope that the safe environment coordinator will hear out the concerns and explain to you, realistically, what is the situation from a perspective other than merely your own and what are the options.
Not everyone fits in everywhere and it may be that a different Catholic community may be a more congenial fit for you and your friend than trying to force something that does not seem to be fitting well at all. In my experience, someone who is more attuned with the Traditional Latin Mass, for example, will not be comfortable in a charismatic prayer group as an extreme example…and seeking to influence the established group to re-define itself in a direction that is contrary to what they have established is often not well received or well appreciated.
You may wish to evaluate other options of Catholic communities that might be more conducive. That is my suggestion.
And, again, I would really caution you about such an expansive evocation of abuse. The Safe Environment Coordinator can help you also to understand that this is actually detrimental to you and your friend to invoke it in situations that may seem serious to you, I am sure, but that are not of the nature that those protections and safeguards are meant to apply to.
I retire from this thread and further comment – but I will pray for you and your friend. I hope a place and circumstance can be found where both of you can thrive spiritually and in an environment conducive to your spiritual growth and that is enriching to you both as well as those with whom you will be.
