Try to forgive them and liberate yourself from that weight and go on with your life. People are not perfect, but, they brought you to life, provided you with your needs to you can have the body you now have which is not so defenseless now as it was when you were an infant and child. Are you going to be a perfect daughter? If they get old and gray and need their bottom cleaned, do you plan to do it? If they make a mess on their way to the bathroom, will you lovingly clean it up and help them back to bed or the sofa? If they need your help when they age, will you make sure their medication or food do not run out? Are you going to make sure their utilities are not disconnected? Will you be taking them to their doctor’s appointments? When they feel scared, will you be there to hold their hand and say: I am here. Don’t worry. We are going to go thru this together. Do you plan to be a perfect child?
It is very awkward when an adult laughs when a child is not happy. The adult finds something endearing and cute and seems oblivious to what the child is feeling. No, that is not nice, but, people do it. Your parents did not invent it. Your parents did not invent spanking either nor insisting the child eats the veggie. I did not use physical punishment when raising my children, but, I had plenty of neighbors who did. Even in the Old Testament, there is recommended to ‘use the rod’ (exact quote not available right now as I am running out to do an errand). The OT is pretty old, I mean we are talking ancient. For all we know, Adam and Even may have physically punished their children.
This was very common in generation past. If I told you the punishment I was given you would fall off your chair, yet, it was good. The reason it was good was that it was not abusive. I left the house without permission (to go and hang out with the nuns at convent - well, actually I did not get punished for that one but yes for going fishing without permission) and I knew I had it coming to me if my grandmother found out. When it is abusive, is when parents abuse their power and authority over the child to vent.
I am very familiar with punishment being used to teach by parents. I have 13 aunts and uncles and a whole bunch of cousins. Many of whom are happy larks, doctors, engineers, political figures, pharmacists etc… The problem is when parents use misuse their power, as I said, to vent or ego etc… but, that your mom and dad raised their voice to make you eat your veggies, I don’t think so. About the spanking, well, I do think is was a violation of your person to pull your undies for all to see your private parts. That should not be done nor to hit the face - a parent should not disrespect the person of the child. But, people are not perfect. They obviously made mistakes. Why don’t you try talking with them? Find a nice peaceful time and tell them there is something really important and serious you need to discuss with them and let them know you think they were much too harsh and the experiences have left scars.
Maybe, they will ask you to forgive them. Now I have known abusive parents. Parents who used their children as punching bags and would get off their frustrations from work on the children. They can make life a living nightmare for a child. I don’t see that as being your case. But, you know even those monster parents can be forgiven. it doesn’t mean the ‘child’ (adult or not) needs to continue to take abuse (verbal, emotional, psychological etc…) but, those parents can be forgiven. One way is the way Jesus did it. In the cross, Jesus said: Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. Yes, we can forgive when we realize that if parents who were not the best had been wiser and had not had so many shortcomings they would not have done the incorrect things they did. It’s that easy to forgive and in forgiving you will be liberated from a heavy weight and enjoy a healthier life.
Talk with your parents if you can. Can you think of anything good that they did for you? (I’ll help you get started: you were not aborted, they did not leave you at the entrance of an orphanage etc…) Were there ever happy moments? Did they ever tell you that they love you? In my humble opinion, I would recommend that you do not dwell on it, confront it and handle it and deal with it and get on with your life. Then try to nourish your relationship with your parents. If you are going to route of a therapist, try to get a Catholic therapist.
As far as your parent’s reputation. Well, why would you go around saying what they did? To vent anger? For revenge? Even the score? They obviously hurt you and that can ferment anger; but, you don’t want to make a bad thing worst but resolve it. Is there an elder in the family you can discuss this with? Have you considered speaking with your parish priest?
We need to honor our parents even when they are not perfect, even when the are ignorant, even when they are not classy enough, even when a lot of things… there is no clause in the commandment. It doesn say but if they xyz. Don’t forget, when you dishonor your parents, you dishonor yourself.
My :twocents:
Peace.
Keep in mind, a lot of parents these days are too busy to correct their children. It’s not a priority to some. It takes time and energy and dedication and love to do it.
youtube.com/watch?v=hYKYka-PNt0
