Acceptable intimacy within marriage?

[Rachel126]

I’ve read conflicting reports on what is acceptable within marriage as far as “foreplay” goes.
For example, is oral-genital contact acceptable if it is only done as a “prelude” to the marital act being fulfilled in the acceptable way (i.e., open to life)? How about touching each other’s genital area with your hands?
I’ve read conflicting items on this. One was that it was fine so long as the act was consummated properly, another was that it was objectively sinful no matter what (I don’t have this source handy, I would link it if I did. It was from a theologian, and he was also of the belief that touching one another ‘similar to masturbation’ was also out of bounds, even if only as a prelude).
Anyone have anything definitive on this matter?

 

[Seatuck]

Anything that the spouses do to lovingly prepare each other for the act of intercourse with respect being given to the dignity of each person is ok.

 

[1ke]

It is most assuredly NOT Catholic teaching that one cannot touch your spouse’s genitals during the marital embrace, or leading up to it.

 

[thewanderer]

There is no definitive teaching either way. However, since an act is presumed permissable unless Church teaching says it is not such actions are permissable. Now, some people believe that certain Church teachings lead to the conclusion (through whatever reasoning they use) that such acts are impermissable, but I have never found an argument for such which does not lead to some absurdity or other (usually it is that kissing anywhere except on the mouth is sinful, which is clearly false). Also, I wish I could remember the source, (I think it was a moral theology book by someone called Jones? maybe someone else who remembers the threads this came up in can provide the text or more information about it), but the major book on moral theology used in seminaries to train priests before Vatican II not only claimed that oral and manual stimulation is fine, even went so far as to claim that rectal stimulation can, technically, be ok provided, of course, that it is a truly consensual act between both parties and that it is used as foreplay only. If one of the main texts for training priests before Vatican II went so far as to approve even rectal foreplay (which is, admittedly a highly controversial subject) it is clear that stimulation via other means than genital-to-genital contact is permissible.

 

[FrenzyJen]

If foreplay is inappropriate then every time my husband and I would make love it would be considered assault (physically, on my dignity, and to the act itself), because if I am not ready it HURTS.

Like previous poster has said, the only arguments against foreplay use very absurd arguments to back themselves up.

 

[Rachel126]

If foreplay is inappropriate then every time my husband and I would make love it would be considered assault (physically, on my dignity, and to the act itself), because if I am not ready it HURTS.

Like previous poster has said, the only arguments against foreplay use very absurd arguments to back themselves up.

Me too Jen. I wondered if that was just me, but I don’t think so.

I also don’t think my husband would always be able to complete the act, if I were not permitted to use manual stimulation on him, if you get my drift…

Okay. Thanks everyone. I appreciate the help. I know we aren’t required to believe every word put forth by every theologian (and actually this would be impossible, since they don’t always agree), but reading what i was reading scared me a bit, and made me wonder if that was in fact “authentic” or “official” Catholic teaching.

 

[donna369]

I’ve read conflicting reports on what is acceptable within marriage as far as “foreplay” goes.
For example, is oral-genital contact acceptable if it is only done as a “prelude” to the marital act being fulfilled in the acceptable way (i.e., open to life)? How about touching each other’s genital area with your hands?
I’ve read conflicting items on this. One was that it was fine so long as the act was consummated properly, another was that it was objectively sinful no matter what (I don’t have this source handy, I would link it if I did. It was from a theologian, and he was also of the belief that touching one another ‘similar to masturbation’ was also out of bounds, even if only as a prelude).
Anyone have anything definitive on this matter?

i started a somewhat similar thread “sex and infertility” and found that the general answer was we could do all these things as long as the marital embrace included the final act that is open to life.

 

[bzkoss236]

As long as the act ends with the man climaxing inside of the woman, other things are generally okay as long as they don’t injure the dignity of any of the spouses and is used in a unitive way that is open to life.