Acceptance

[The_Cavalier]

Hello, I have a small (potentially huge) problem. I think this issue is a pretty common sense question that doesn’t require an intimate knowledge of Canon Law or the Catechism, so anybody please tell me what you think.

Oftentimes I will be overcome with anxiety concerning whether I vowed to do something.** I want to be very frank: Most of the time, when I am confronted with these fears, I’m pretty positive that I did not make the vow in question. Nevertheless, uncertainty still prevails.** As a just-in-case measure, then, I perform the act in question. I don’t know if doing so means I’ve accepted the vow, though. If that’s the case, I’ve accepted a lot of vows just by trying to preserve my own peace of mind. What do you guys think?

An example might help. I’ll get worked up over whether I vowed to say a Rosary every Friday. I’ll sit down and reason with myself, and I’ll be pretty positive I made no such vow. However, I’m still unsure, so I decide to attempt to say it just in case. My worry is that my decision to say it just in case means I’ve accepted the vow. What if I come to my senses later and determine that my anxiety is absolutely misplaced? Is it already too late? Have I locked myself into saying the Rosary every Friday because I decided to say it just in case? Any insight you’ve got I’m willing to hear it.

Common sense seems to dictate to me that I’m not. In the first place, I’m pretty sure I did not make the vow. In the second place, I only said the Rosary (in this example) to be safe, not to accept a vow. But what do I know?

Finally, I understand that it’s best not to make vows. That however is not the case here. It’s not that I’m making vows and becoming overburdened. It’s that I become worried at the thought of possibly having made a vow. I’m just trying to keep myself from going mad, but I don’t know if my behavior is causing me to implicitly make obligations to the Lord.

 

[Trident_H]

Hello, I have a small (potentially huge) problem. I think this issue is a pretty common sense question that doesn’t require an intimate knowledge of Canon Law or the Catechism, so anybody please tell me what you think.

Oftentimes I will be overcome with anxiety concerning whether I vowed to do something.** I want to be very frank: Most of the time, when I am confronted with these fears, I’m pretty positive that I did not make the vow in question. Nevertheless, uncertainty still prevails.** As a just-in-case measure, then, I perform the act in question. I don’t know if doing so means I’ve accepted the vow, though. If that’s the case, I’ve accepted a lot of vows just by trying to preserve my own peace of mind. What do you guys think?

An example might help. I’ll get worked up over whether I vowed to say a Rosary every Friday. I’ll sit down and reason with myself, and I’ll be pretty positive I made no such vow. However, I’m still unsure, so I decide to attempt to say it just in case. My worry is that my decision to say it just in case means I’ve accepted the vow. What if I come to my senses later and determine that my anxiety is absolutely misplaced? Is it already too late? Have I locked myself into saying the Rosary every Friday because I decided to say it just in case? Any insight you’ve got I’m willing to hear it.

Common sense seems to dictate to me that I’m not. In the first place, I’m pretty sure I did not make the vow. In the second place, I only said the Rosary (in this example) to be safe, not to accept a vow. But what do I know?

Finally, I understand that it’s best not to make vows. That however is not the case here. It’s not that I’m making vows and becoming overburdened. It’s that I become worried at the thought of possibly having made a vow. I’m just trying to keep myself from going mad, but I don’t know if my behavior is causing me to implicitly make obligations to the Lord.

Look. It’s sort of like this. You don’t need to be making vows anyway so why don’t you just talk to Mary about this? Why don’t you say, “Mary, you know I seem to have this problem. It’s not really something I can really control properly. So how about I ask you to automatically absolve me of any vows I may have made or may make in the future? I mean you know what’s best for me, right? So don’t let me go through this process any more. Thank you so much.”

I’d then normally suggest you end that statement with a vow never to make any more vows, but I don’t think that’s a good idea right now. Anyway, you just ask her to strike the slate clean or whatever and you should be good.

Peace.

-Trident

 

[The_Cavalier]

Look. It’s sort of like this. You don’t need to be making vows anyway.

Thank you for answering, and I read what you wrote, but I have to point something out. Please forgive me if I’m too frank but I literally said I am not making vows. Sometimes while I’m just going through my day, I’ll think back to something or a thought occurs to me, and I’ll wonder, “Oh, snap, did I make a vow?” That is where it starts, and it just goes from there as I described it above.

 

[Trident_H]

Thank you for answering, and I read what you wrote, but I have to point something out. Please forgive me if I’m too frank but I literally said I am not making vows. Sometimes while I’m just going through my day, I’ll think back to something or a thought occurs to me, and I’ll wonder, “Oh, snap, did I make a vow?” That is where it starts, and it just goes from there as I described it above.

Oh ok, sorry. I guess my advice would still stand though. Because that way you know that if you did sort of make one you’d be off the hook.

But actually, the truth is that making a vow is a serious act of the will so you can’t just make a vow on the fly. You can’t be coerced into making one through guilt or distraction or force or whatever. You can’t make one by accident. It is something that requires you to actually say the words in your head and end them with I vow to do (or not to do) it. So be easy on that score. You can’t accidentally trip over something and then absent-mindedly make a vow to do something about your outrageously long shoelaces. Vows need you to have no other thoughts in your head. They need you to be stone cold sober. They need you to be powerfully aware of the consequences of your action. Anything else is just jumbled thoughts mumbling together.

Peace.

-Trident

 

[pianistclare]

Talk to your confessor about scruples and how to overcome them through prayer and speaking with a good spiritual director.
you can ask your pastor or priest to be your spiritual director. If they don’t’ have the time available, they will recommend someone who is good in this area.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

This has nothing to do with God or religion. It is an anxiety/OCD problem. Seek a counselor or physician skilled in this. They are available out there. Good luck!

 

[AKDee]

I will make temporary vows sometimes but there are conditions when I do them.

One, I must say it OUT LOUD. I used to suffer from a similar anxiety you suffer where if I just thought about doing something I’d be afraid I had agreed to it. But in order to do a vow now, I have to do it out loud. I have to say out loud, as an example, “God, for the period of Lent I will not…” I firmly state what it is I am vowing to do or not do, and the period of time for which I vow to do so. That way there is no question in my mind that I made the vow, that I know exactly what I vowed, and that there is a termination to the vow.

That said- it sounds like you do indeed suffer from scruples and OCD and based on that alone probably should avoid vows altogether.

 

[spiderweb]

Talk to your confessor about scruples and how to overcome them through prayer and speaking with a good spiritual director.
you can ask your pastor or priest to be your spiritual director. If they don’t’ have the time available, they will recommend someone who is good in this area.

Great advice!

Perhaps this entry from the Catholic Encyclopedia on vows can also help ease your mind in the meantime:

A vow, even in an unimportant matter, presupposes the full consent of the will; it is an act of generosity towards God. One does not give unless one knows fully what one is doing. Every substantial error, or indeed every error which is really the cause of making a vow, renders the vow null and void.

A vow is a good action, but should be made with prudence and discretion; in the Christian life, love is better than bonds.

 

[pianistclare]

Indeed.
Love IS better than bonds.

 

[fred_conty]

Talk it over with a good wise priest. Then follow his direction even tho you might feel that you did not explain the problem adequately to him. But remember, do what he tells you and God will stand by you regardless of how you feel you explained the problem.