Accepting being single

[Anglewannabe]

I have started this thread in order to not highjack a different one.

There is often threads about people wishing they had a boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. I am not disagreeing with people who want those things. However, very often, people who post these things are given advice on what they can do to attract a member of the opposite sex. And very often, the advice is good.

However, personally, I would prefer to be single than to follow that advice. And I am actually quite content to be single.

For example, woman are advise to dress modest yet feminine. I have a really bad hip which means the only comfortable shoes for me to wear are running shoes. So, I either look weird with a dress and running shoes (which does not bother me) or I wear clothes that are less feminine to match the shoes. I know this will not attract men, and I would prefer to be comfortable.

Or, people say ‘You need to look approachable’. I am often in a hurry and probably have a big sign on my forehead that says ‘Don’t talk to me’. I just respect that people are going to approach me. However, I would prefer to be in a hurry and get everything I want done, done than chit chat.

So I guess I am feeling kind of guilty. I am wondering what is so wrong with being single and NOT being called to a religious life

Angie

 

[Xantippe]

For example, woman are advise to dress modest yet feminine. I have a really bad hip which means the only comfortable shoes for me to wear are running shoes. So, I either look weird with a dress and running shoes (which does not bother me) or I wear clothes that are less feminine to match the shoes. I know this will not attract men, and I would prefer to be comfortable.

Or, people say ‘You need to look approachable’. I am often in a hurry and probably have a big sign on my forehead that says ‘Don’t talk to me’. I just respect that people are going to approach me. However, I would prefer to be in a hurry and get everything I want done, done than chit chat.

So I guess I am feeling kind of guilty. I am wondering what is so wrong with being single and NOT being called to a religious life

Angie

There’s nothing wrong with that.

What would be wrong is to say, “No, I’m not going to change a thing about my approach and I won’t try online dating, but I’m going to boohoo in multiple threads about how men don’t ask me out.”

Alternately, “I’m not going to change a thing about my approach to women, but I’m going to boohoo about how women (that I haven’t asked out) aren’t going out with me.”

 

[faithfulwannabe]

absolutely nothing wrong with that.

but maybe because of majority of the world tend to view individuals should have boyfriend/girlfriend, partner, marriage, they find it odd for people who wants to stay single.

i’d like to stay single as well, better this way, no burden, no worry about my partner, etc. i mean i don’t think i can even perfectly manage myself, i’m not sure about managing a relationship, haha

maybe i’m being too skeptic, but oh well i guess

 

[JamalChristophr]

God needs some of us, I’m quite sure, to be singles in the world. I believe our greatest peace will be in discerning His Will for our life. I myself, for example, always wanted to get marriage but as the clock continues to tick away, it seems that the Good God might have other plans. Not a thing in the world wrong with staying single, I suppose, as long as it is for the right reasons. We can love God with a more undivided heart, it seems, than can a married person

.

 

[BeingSaved]

Any chance some of you posting on this thread could mix and match? Just thinking,…

I think God wants us to be happy, and if having a mate will add to our happiness, then I think He wants that for us…He is kind…‘and good to all’.

Forget about clocks ticking and instead,…believe that God answers our prayers, and if this is what you want, “believe you have the answer when you ask, and you will have this answer”

God can bring people together from around the world.

“All things are possible with Him.”

There’s nothing wrong with people who are single, there is someone for everyone, I think, if you want that.

I think it is better to be married than single, better for the people inside the marriage…
I know older people who married just for the companionship, and comfort,…
ie. one woman told me she and her new husband do not share a marriage bed,…
so this may be something to do with her being CAtholic and there being a prev. divorce involved, but anyway they don’t and they live together and do everything together and enjoy each other’s company-they have a marriage license so are legally married,.

There is another marriage I know of where they are also outside of the bible’s instructions
so they do not share a marriage bed either,…although they live together in marriage with kids,…they are both divorced, and it is her children that live with them children from a former marriage.

It seems to work…

Just saying, there is nothing wrong because you are not married, some of the loveliest people are not in marriages,…

but if you would like to have a special someone, pray and believe,…

I think at any age someone special can come along,…I know a lady in her eighties that just recently got married and they are very happy together…

 

[GEddie]

I think the one thing to remember is that God never promised everybody a spouse or SO.

For that matter, our LORD (the best human male who ever breathed) never had either.

So if someone is without a relationship, that doesn’t reflect necessarily on the person, it is just how human life works.

We can, however, get grief from others about it, even Church types.

I sometimes think it would be nice to “find someone.” But playing humiliating flirt games is not on my to-do list, it’s easier just to do without. And I wish I had US$25 for each time someone connected with the Church suggested to me that something was wrong about that.

ICXC NIKA

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

There’s nothing wrong with that.

What would be wrong is to say, “No, I’m not going to change a thing about my approach and I won’t try online dating, but I’m going to boohoo in multiple threads about how men don’t ask me out.”

Alternately, "I’m not going to change a thing about my approach to women, but I’m going to boohoo about how women (that I haven’t asked out) aren’t going out with me."

Sounds like the foreshadowing of a guy going on a shooting rampage against all the women who wouldn’t sleep with him.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Forget about clocks ticking and instead,…believe that God answers our prayers, and if this is what you want, “believe you have the answer when you ask, and you will have this answer”…

What I want is only half of the equation. Men want things too. If I can not change to accommodate a man’s reasonable request, than that is no fair to him. I prefer to accept being single. I doubt God would be so unreasonable as to say ‘Angie wants a man so Joe will have to put up with her’

I think it is better to be married than single, better for the people inside the marriage."…

It that was true, there would be no such thing as divorce.

I know older people who married just for the companionship, and comfort,…
ie. one woman told me she and **her new husband do not share a marriage bed,…/**QUOTE]

Sounds like torture to me. How could I live in a house with a man I love and not be able to express it

 

[lily22]

You re called to whatever Jesus wants you to be called to. You can’t let the world decide what it is . Yes, the Catholic Church has really good options. Marriage and Vocation are at the top. These are not always possible in the End Times we are living in.

 

[chevalier]

I have started this thread in order to not highjack a different one.

There is often threads about people wishing they had a boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. I am not disagreeing with people who want those things. However, very often, people who post these things are given advice on what they can do to attract a member of the opposite sex. And very often, the advice is good.

However, personally, I would prefer to be single than to follow that advice. And I am actually quite content to be single.

For example, woman are advise to dress modest yet feminine. I have a really bad hip which means the only comfortable shoes for me to wear are running shoes. So, I either look weird with a dress and running shoes (which does not bother me) or I wear clothes that are less feminine to match the shoes. I know this will not attract men, and I would prefer to be comfortable.

Or, people say ‘You need to look approachable’. I am often in a hurry and probably have a big sign on my forehead that says ‘Don’t talk to me’. I just respect that people are going to approach me. However, I would prefer to be in a hurry and get everything I want done, done than chit chat.

So I guess I am feeling kind of guilty. I am wondering what is so wrong with being single and NOT being called to a religious life

Angie

While there’s nothing wrong with that, and nothing wrong with wanting to be yourself, one can’t realistically have it all one’s way. To succeed, one needs to be flexible, to make sacrifices, investments, adjustments, it’s always a give and take.

Most notably, if you want a man in your life, you need to have room in your life for a man.

Secondly, if you want to be approached, yeah, you need to create opportunities or help them happen. Opportunities and incentives both.

Dating is a bit like getting employed or elected or making a sale or finding an investor. It doesn’t always involve a lot of persuading, but it always requires at least being available, willing, suggesting the candidacy or transaction or idea.

If you find it hard to make the necessary investments, sacrifices or adjustments, it may help to sit down, take a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons in order to make sure that you are being guided by your will rather than your inclination. Or, in other words, that you’re doing what you really want, not what your habits or fears are making you do.

The hardest part is always just doing it (kinda like when you learn to swim).

 

[JamalChristophr]

You just might be suprised, though, Angie. I haven’t heard anything so far from you that would lead me to believe that there’s not a man out there who could accept you just as you are.

Having said that, though, being in a relationship, and much moreso, marriage does require that the two parties involved do their best to give up being ego-centric critters.

 

[Anglewannabe]

You just might be suprised, though, Angie. I haven’t heard anything so far from you that would lead me to believe that there’s not a man out there who could accept you just as you are.

Having said that, though, being in a relationship, and much moreso, marriage does require that the two parties involved do their best to give up being ego-centric critters.

You are very kind. Read some of my other post and you will see I do have issues I am stubborn about

 

[Cricket2]

As a 55 year old woman, who has always been single, I can say I find nothing wrong with it. It is not that I was not interested in marriage or religious life, but neither of those doors opened for me. This was partly due to poor health, in my experience.

Being single is not easy, but it does have it’s good sides too… Regardless of the life we are called to, it is how we live it that matters in the end. If we marry we must be faithful and do our best to share that life with our spouse and with children that come through that marriage, if we are religious we must live by the spirit of the community we live in and in service of God, and as a single person we are called to certain ways of living that include chastity, being generous to others, maybe giving more time to the Church or what ever.

Regardless of the road we take, faithfulness to God is the primary consideration to ponder and do our best with.

 

[Gertabelle]

As a 55 year old woman, who has always been single, I can say I find nothing wrong with it. It is not that I was not interested in marriage or religious life, but neither of those doors opened for me. This was partly due to poor health, in my experience.

Being single is not easy, but it does have it’s good sides too… Regardless of the life we are called to, it is how we live it that matters in the end. If we marry we must be faithful and do our best to share that life with our spouse and with children that come through that marriage, if we are religious we must live by the spirit of the community we live in and in service of God, and as a single person we are called to certain ways of living that include chastity, being generous to others, maybe giving more time to the Church or what ever.

Regardless of the road we take, faithfulness to God is the primary consideration to ponder and do our best with.

Hello, my fellow Denverite

As a single mom (age 46), with no intention of messing up my son’s life by dating and marrying, I agree that there is nothing wrong with being single. The difference for me, however, is that I have a definitive vocation – Mother.

For me, the hardest thing about being single is feeling like there’s nobody to call me on my cr*p. I mean, the keys to the car, the wallet, and the calendar are all in my control. There is no Rule of religious life to which I am bound by obedience. There is no husband to whom I promise to submit.

On the other hand, being a single mom (with my son gone 3 nights a week ) does allow me time to give my parish in a variety of ways

Well, I’m rambling, but my point is that there is not only nothing wrong with being single, but it is actually a beautiful path to holiness, by God’s grace.

God bless you all!

Gertie

 

[Luvz2travel]

I have started this thread in order to not highjack a different one.

There is often threads about people wishing they had a boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. I am not disagreeing with people who want those things. However, very often, people who post these things are given advice on what they can do to attract a member of the opposite sex. And very often, the advice is good.

However, personally, I would prefer to be single than to follow that advice. And I am actually quite content to be single.

For example, woman are advise to dress modest yet feminine. I have a really bad hip which means the only comfortable shoes for me to wear are running shoes. So, I either look weird with a dress and running shoes (which does not bother me) or I wear clothes that are less feminine to match the shoes. I know this will not attract men, and I would prefer to be comfortable.

Or, people say ‘You need to look approachable’. I am often in a hurry and probably have a big sign on my forehead that says ‘Don’t talk to me’. I just respect that people are going to approach me. However, I would prefer to be in a hurry and get everything I want done, done than chit chat.

So I guess I am feeling kind of guilty. I am wondering what is so wrong with being single and NOT being called to a religious life

Angie

Sounds like Catholic guilt as they say. Why feel guilty for being single as long as you’re happy. Not every single person is called to the religious life. I felt called to get married I guess it wasn’t meant to be but I know I wasn’t called to the religious life. I’ve never felt any inclination toward it at all. I don’t mind being single so much as feeling neglected by the church for it. But that’s another topic.

 

[bsf]

I have started this thread in order to not highjack a different one.

There is often threads about people wishing they had a boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. I am not disagreeing with people who want those things. However, very often, people who post these things are given advice on what they can do to attract a member of the opposite sex. And very often, the advice is good.

However, personally, I would prefer to be single than to follow that advice. And I am actually quite content to be single.

For example, woman are advise to dress modest yet feminine. I have a really bad hip which means the only comfortable shoes for me to wear are running shoes. So, I either look weird with a dress and running shoes (which does not bother me) or I wear clothes that are less feminine to match the shoes. I know this will not attract men, and I would prefer to be comfortable.

Or, people say ‘You need to look approachable’. I am often in a hurry and probably have a big sign on my forehead that says ‘Don’t talk to me’. I just respect that people are going to approach me. However, I would prefer to be in a hurry and get everything I want done, done than chit chat.

So I guess I am feeling kind of guilty. I am wondering what is so wrong with being single and NOT being called to a religious life

Angie

I am not very empathic; fairly low emotional IQ. That being said, with posts like this, I always wonder, what is going on “below the surface”. Is everything as the poster presents? I try not to allow my own limited experiences or problems cloud my vision.

Taking the last comments at face value, I do not believe there is anything wrong with “NOT being called to a religious life”. God’s love and wisdom are probably so great they are beyond human comprehension. Therefore, what He wills for us is BEST. If His will is you be single and not consecrated to religious life, I wish you would not feel guilty about being lay single.

If deep in your “heart”, you do feel a desire for marriage, I hope you can honestly acknowledge that and properly discern God’s will for you. I think single individuals who do feel desire for marriage, but have been frustrated for a very long time and/or are dealing with hurts that interfere with realizing that vocation, sometimes refuse to acknowledge that desire in an attempt to protect themselves. That simply does not work, unfortunately. We are not whole when we are not honest with ourselves.

I think Jesus was an amazing man. I refer to the humanity. He was whole. I believe he was entirely honest at all times, with both Himself and others. I believe He acknowledged His emotions and desires, but conformed His will to that of the Father. There was no self-deception.

Angie, if none of this applies to you; I apologize for all these irrelevant thoughts. If you are called to be lay single, I hope you can accept that peacefully. If you are called to something else, I hope you will receive clarity and courage to acknowledge your desires and properly discern God’s will regarding them. I will pray for you.