Accepting criticism and correction from a hypocrite

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One of my friends is sharp with her corrections. Sometimes I think she only has an eye out for what other people are doing wrong. I think she is 95% of the time right. She does not accept excuses for other people’s poor behavior. What is frustrating with her adamant corrections, she has either done the same thing before in the very recent past or is prone those same tendencies. When confronted with her own shortcomings, she will lie, deny, rationalize or justify. For someone who is so unflinchingly honest with others and holds others accountable of their own behavior, why can’t she accept responsibility herself? How can someone be so blind to their own shortcomings? Another thing I do not understand, if she is so honest, why does she shoplift sometimes? She fails to live up to high expectations she has for others. It can difficult admitting she is right with her corrections. If you admit you are wrong and she is a right in a disagreement with her, she will pin the whole situation on you as if she did nothing wrong.
 
Words and Prayers of St. Isaac the Syrian

Let yourself be persecuted, but do not persecute others.
Be crucified, but do not crucify others.
Be slandered, but do not slander others.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep: such is the sign of purity.
Suffer with the sick.
Be afflicted with sinners.
Exult with those who repent.
Be the friend of all, but in your spirit remain alone.
Be a partaker of the sufferings of all, but keep your body distant from all.
Rebuke no one, revile no one, not even those who live very wickedly.
Spread your cloak over those who fall into sin, each and every one, and shield them.
And if you cannot take the fault on yourself and accept punishment in their place,
do not destroy their character.

Peace
 
When I examine my conscience before confession, I sometimes have a hard time thinking of sins to confess. I can, however, cite everything The Husband did wrong since my last confession.

It’s the human condition. We’re masters at deceiving ourselves, at rationalizing away our shortcomings, at justifying our poor behavior. Your friend is not unique in this—we all do it to some extent.

Pray for her. And find some new friends, ones that support, inspire, and encourage rather than irritate you.

God bless.
 
hazcompat said:
Words and Prayers of St. Isaac the Syrian

Let yourself be persecuted, but do not persecute others.
Be crucified, but do not crucify others.
Be slandered, but do not slander others.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep: such is the sign of purity.
Suffer with the sick.
Be afflicted with sinners.
Exult with those who repent.
Be the friend of all, but in your spirit remain alone.
Be a partaker of the sufferings of all, but keep your body distant from all.
Rebuke no one, revile no one, not even those who live very wickedly.
Spread your cloak over those who fall into sin, each and every one, and shield them.
And if you cannot take the fault on yourself and accept punishment in their place,
do not destroy their character.

Peace
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What a strong prayer. Rebuke no one?
 
A quote from Sathya Sai–“Good company is important, it helps to cultivate good qualities.”
 
CRATUS said:
What a strong prayer. Rebuke no one?
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Rebuke definition, to express sharp, stern disapproval of; reprove; reprimand.

That doesn’t mean you cant talk, teach, disagree, instruct or help an individual.

I really like this prayer.
 
puzzledtoo said:
A quote from Sathya Sai–“Good company is important, it helps to cultivate good qualities.”
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She is a good friend in other ways. When she messes up, I have to remember “we are only human” or “no one is perfect.” That does not seem to apply to me when I make mistakes which can be a little frustrating to say the least.
 
CRATUS said:
One of my friends is sharp with her corrections. Sometimes I think she only has an eye out for what other people are doing wrong. I think she is 95% of the time right. She does not accept excuses for other people’s poor behavior. What is frustrating with her adamant corrections, she has either done the same thing before in the very recent past or is prone those same tendencies. When confronted with her own shortcomings, she will lie, deny, rationalize or justify. For someone who is so unflinchingly honest with others and holds others accountable of their own behavior, why can’t she accept responsibility herself? How can someone be so blind to their own shortcomings? Another thing I do not understand, if she is so honest, why does she shoplift sometimes? She fails to live up to high expectations she has for others. It can difficult admitting she is right with her corrections. If you admit you are wrong and she is a right in a disagreement with her, she will pin the whole situation on you as if she did nothing wrong.
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Textbook narcissistic behavior. I worked with one, all last year. I used humor to expose her double standards. We both had a miserable year together because I got tired of ignoring her.
 
Is this the same friend you made another thread about a few weeks ago?

She may be a good friend in some ways but she seems to have no regard for your opinions and doesn’t want to accept the blame for anything. You know that she is in the wrong for lying and for shoplifting.

This friendship doesn’t appear to be benefiting either of you. So why are you staying her friend?

Lou
 
esieffe said:
Textbook narcissistic behavior. I worked with one, all last year. I used humor to expose her double standards. We both had a miserable year together because I got tired of ignoring her.
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I worked with one, also. I didn’t engage him, which really annoyed him.
Didn’t want to. Tiring and a waste. Polite yes, of course.
Sadly, and ultimately, he needed to control so as to not be controlled.
Ultimately, he was filled with self assured fear. Sad. But a good way to deflect fear is to control even to the point expressed.

(He *really *hated it when his clients gave me more presents for my first Christmas than he ever received. Lots of stuff, including 15 bottles of wine and lotsa chocolate…yummmm)

It is a lovely and very apropos prayer.
~

**…“Give me the supreme confidence of Love, this is my prayer - the confidence that belongs to life in death, to victory in defeat, to the power hidden in the frailest beauty, to that dignity in pain which accepts hurt but disdains to return it.”

~R Tagore**
 
Not a grown up person. Maturity is not necessarily chorological, but the ability to accept others and change in one’s self, also. Shoplifting is a crime and she will get caught sooner than later.

People who are constantly critical of others are trying to divert attention from themselves and their own shortcomings. They have not totally evolved emotionally. Most of us have some flaw in this respect. I think you could sub headed it under humility.

I think the best you can do is when the critics happen is to touch your heart and say “my fault, my most grieveous fault. Pray for me as I will pray for you.” Or something similar. It may not change her, but it will certainly make her think about it.

If it is any consolation for you I have one brother who never passed a mirror he didn’t love, stopping to preen, flex his musels and smile at his own reflection. In between his self-adoration he was highly critical of others. Part of his preening was hilarious to see, the other inner self was not. The point is there is hope for mature, empathy to develop. Peace and prayers for you and your friend. P. S. Don’t grade me on spelling.
 
It’s a psychological condition called projection. See your own faults in everyone else, but never yourself. I have a relative like that, being more interested in peace than justice, I just ignore it and keep my distance.
 
Try not to focus on other people’s flaws. If criticized, thank God for the occasion to grow in humility, and consequently, in grace. Humiliations, while difficult to bear, are a great gift from God.
 
esieffe said:
Textbook narcissistic behavior. I worked with one, all last year. I used humor to expose her double standards. We both had a miserable year together because I got tired of ignoring her.
Click to expand...
I honestly thought narcissism was it. I am no doctor. As a friend, it can be a little unbearable being constantly dumped with critiques, yet the moment she does something wrong I have to remember “we are all human”, “no one is perfect.” That phrase does not apply to me, if I forgot my keys. She keeps tabs on how many times I forgot to do this and that. If I call her out on one thing, she conveniently does not remember. She reminds me and remembers clearly every last mistake I have made since we have been friends three years ago. Everything is always my fault.
 
littlestsouls2 said:
Try not to focus on other people’s flaws. If criticized, thank God for the occasion to grow in humility, and consequently, in grace. Humiliations, while difficult to bear, are a great gift from God.
Click to expand...
Why is God so harsh to people who try to follow him the most earnestly? I do not understand.
 
Mary_Estelle said:
Not a grown up person. Maturity is not necessarily chorological, but the ability to accept others and change in one’s self, also. Shoplifting is a crime and she will get caught sooner than later.

People who are constantly critical of others are trying to divert attention from themselves and their own shortcomings. They have not totally evolved emotionally. Most of us have some flaw in this respect. I think you could sub headed it under humility.

I think the best you can do is when the critics happen is to touch your heart and say “my fault, my most grieveous fault. Pray for me as I will pray for you.” Or something similar. It may not change her, but it will certainly make her think about it.

If it is any consolation for you I have one brother who never passed a mirror he didn’t love, stopping to preen, flex his musels and smile at his own reflection. In between his self-adoration he was highly critical of others. Part of his preening was hilarious to see, the other inner self was not. The point is there is hope for mature, empathy to develop. Peace and prayers for you and your friend. P. S. Don’t grade me on spelling.
Click to expand...
Lol. Your brother sounds hilarious yet annoying. People, people. Did he mature?
 
CRATUS said:
Why is God so harsh to people who try to follow him the most earnestly? I do not understand.
Click to expand...
‘God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.’ (James 4:6) Nothing humbles us like humiliations, temptations and imperfections.

“If you wish to have an idea of the love with which He loves man, see with what love God loves Mary… If one could understand the value of an act of love for God in suffering, one would experience the greatest grief at being obliged to pass a single moment without being able to make this meritorious act. Happy is he who, in suffering, makes acts of love!”
  • Fr. Paul of Moll
Pax!
 
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