Accepting current financial situation - how?

[DarkLight]

Specifically I’ve been struggling a lot with my financial situation. I’m fairly deeply in debt and I know I can’t pay it off. And it’s not my fault.

I did everything right. I saved. I found ways to fund my education without borrowing. I had plans to make sure I could manage more than one career, even. And then, midway through, it all fell apart.

I got sick. I couldn’t get assistance, of any form. I couldn’t work, but because I’d been in school and at student aid jobs my whole life, I wasn’t eligible for disability. So I ended up borrowing money. Student loans, because I could manage to show up for one class a week and that was enough, and they were easy to get.

And I’m just frustrated. I hear all the talk about personal responsibility, and I just think “what does it matter?” Why do I have to pay all this money when all I wanted to do was keep myself housed and fed? I’m not making enough and probably never will, especially with my health still severely limiting what I can do.

And it’s PTSD from abuse that’s most of the problem. Something that someone else is responsible for, someone else who now has a good comfortable career and will probably spend his whole life never knowing or caring.

I just can’t get past it. I can’t get past that I’m “responsible” for the effects of someone else’s actions on my health. I’m losing my motivation to work, because what is it going to matter anyways when I’m shackled to thousands of debt? My plans to set up so that I could get a decent paying job are in ruins and I’m stuck barely making anything. I want to work, but I don’t want to watch my money go to people profiting off my misfortune.

 

[4love2God]

The OP said : "And it’s PTSD from abuse that’s most of the problem."

At least you understand where the STOPPER is, that is causing much of your upset feelings.
PTSD is a condition that has a pretty-good track record of improving, with the proper medical care.
So, the place to start is at you Primary Care Doctor.
Get a referral to a Specialist.
Because you just have a little money, you can apply for expanded Medi-Aid coverage.

One of the MOST difficult things to do, when you know the answer is . . . over-coming the urge to NOT actually do it.
If this is where you are, then let me know; I can discuss that issue (and, others here at the Forum).

 

[DarkLight]

The OP said : "And it’s PTSD from abuse that’s most of the problem."

At least you understand where the STOPPER is, that is causing much of your upset feelings.
PTSD is a condition that has a pretty-good track record of improving, with the proper medical care.
So, the place to start is at you Primary Care Doctor.
Get a referral to a Specialist.
Because you just have a little money, you can apply for expanded Medi-Aid coverage.

One of the MOST difficult things to do, when you know the answer is . . . over-coming the urge to NOT actually do it.
If this is where you are, then let me know; I can discuss that issue (and, others here at the Forum).

I’ve seen a good dozen specialist already. But I haven’t been able to afford the copays easily, as well as the time it takes. I don’t have a car and the public transit around here is not good. It is very hard for me to get through a difficult session and then take care of myself for over an hour to get home.

Part of the abuse took place in a psychological setting…even going back often is a massive trigger for me, something the therapists don’t seem to know what to do with. Even ones who work with abuse, I have heard “are you sure” so often, and it hurts…like a professional couldn’t be wrong.

It just hurts, because to me it means I will be paying for years, for what other people did. I know I have no case to make as a crime victim. We were dating, I thought I could trust him. I was threatened but not physically injured. I have nothing to show.

And it really is tiring. I hear about “responsibility” all the time, to where I have begun to hate it. We have the get out of debt people going around with their arrogance, like it was just a matter of not buying frivolous things like as second car or a big house. I have never owned a car and I live in the cheapest places around. And it hurts, because it makes me feel like everyone sees me as just some other entitled, irresponsible kid.

 

[DAML72]

I am so sorry. I am in a similar situation - I have more debt from graduate school and my divorce (not my choice) and from the years of being a single mom trying to keep up a home and not making enough to get by - I don’t think I’ll ever be able to pay it off. And if I do, I certainly won’t have anything for retirement. It bothers me too. I wish I knew what to tell you. I know that, as difficult as it has been, God has ordained these things for your life, so there is a plan here somewhere. Just keep praying for guidance, for humility, for support, and perhaps take your concerns to the Confessional.

 

[Itsjuslittleme]

Give up your bitterness and resentment. Move forward with your life. You got the money and you used it for your own needs. Why be bitter about that? Work and pay off some every month. Do the best you can and struggle to get the medical care you need. I will be praying for your healing.

 

[DarkLight]

Give up your bitterness and resentment. Move forward with your life. You got the money and you used it for your own needs. Why be bitter about that? Work and pay off some every month. Do the best you can and struggle to get the medical care you need. I will be praying for your healing.

At this rate, with what I can afford, I’ll probably be dead before I can actually pay down my debts. I don’t want to live like that. I worked hard just to see everything wiped out - why work hard again when it won’t actually make any difference for me? I’m just going to be turning over everything over the bare minimum to pay debts down, and I’m still never going to pay everything off.

 

[DarkLight]

At this point I’m basically wondering, what reason do I have to even bother working? I can live a better life not doing anything.

If I work and try to get a good job, I just end up paying thousands of dollars and still living with nothing, because I won’t be able to pay down debts in any case until retirement age.

And all this happened because our state political system decided that young adults like me must be welfare cheats.

Why do I have to spend my entire life paying for what someone else did? Why should I bother to work for that? It wasn’t my fault, why should I make any effort to pay money back to the government, when the government labelled me a “cheat” just for my age and actually having a desire to do more than sit around?

That’s the thing with welfare. If I sit around being sick and not doing anything I can live decently. If I try to work and get better I just get labelled a fraud and end up with the exact same lifestyle while working myself to death to keep up with payments.