Accommodating my husband

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I’m in the process of studying the Catholic faith because I’m considering converting. Husband and I are members of a progressive Church of Christ (Restoration Movement). He has no interest in leaving and doesn’t understand why I want to. I feel like God is calling me to this.

Since he is my husband, I do need to consider him in any decision of this magnitude, but where do I draw the line between making him happy versus following the Spirit’s lead?

I’m really early in the process, so I haven’t gotten to the point of attending Mass on a regular basis or starting RCIA yet.

Thanks!
Heather
 
Do you think he might change his mind given enough time?
 
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Why not pray The Holy Rosary twice a day asking Jesus and Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus to intercede with this saying to Jesus:“Dear Jesus Christ our Saviour I hand over all of my Husband’s and my Crosses in relation to becoming Catholics” if it be Thy Will Dear God our Heavenly Father, now and for Eternity Amen.

Please Dear God our Heavenly Father and Dear Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus could You please bathe Heather and her Husband and Family in Thy Divine Loving Hands, guiding them both to Your chosen Religion and through their Faith journey now and for Eternity, Amen.

Our Father who art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from all evil Amen
 
I would encourage you to talk to a priest and get (name removed by moderator)ut from him. They have encountered situations like yours many times and they have good insights.

The short answer is that, yes you need to be respectful of your husband and his feelings, but no, you should not let him keep you away from the Catholic Church. The priest would be in the best position to give you concrete advice on how to handle things moving forward based on your situation.
 
I’m in the process of studying the Catholic faith because I’m considering converting. Husband and I are members of a progressive Church of Christ (Restoration Movement). He has no interest in leaving and doesn’t understand why I want to. I feel like God is calling me to this.

Since he is my husband, I do need to consider him in any decision of this magnitude, but where do I draw the line between making him happy versus following the Spirit’s lead?

I’m really early in the process, so I haven’t gotten to the point of attending Mass on a regular basis or starting RCIA yet.

Thanks!
Heather
Heather
I am the only Catholic in the family and converted when I was 58. My wife and 5 adult children did not follow me…yet, but they all support me and respect the fact that I follow my conscience. Sure I miss having company but non Catholic worship does not interest me in the least…no exaggeration. The Holy Spirit led me to the body and blood and the fulness of the Church. I encourage you to follow your heart and pray for you to make the right decision for yourself.🙂
 
The way things look now, no. Hubs is a cradle CofCer.

Stranger things have happened, though. I believe in miracles. 😃
Hey, if people like St. Paul, St. Augustine, and St. Francis of Assisi were converted, there’s hope for anyone. 🙂 With God all things are possible.
 
While you should not go out of your way to antagonize him you also need to answer the call of the holy spirit.

Since you mention that you go to a progressive Church of Christ you certainly have to take him into account. Why is your current church important? Mainly because CoC tend to have beliefs that are 180 degrees from Catholic teaching on abortion, same sex “marriage”, contraception, etc.

I know before my wife and I converted we were your typical anything goes, tree hugging, 2 kids and no more, liberal agnostics. When she converted 3 years before me it was tough. All the sudden I had a wife that stood at 180 opposition to what we had agreed upon just months before. By the grace of God I did follow her into the Church and have came to understand where and why my previous beliefs were in error.

The whole point is to continue to listen to the Holy Spirit, but be cognizant that your conversion of heart to Catholic understanding may have implications for more than just you. You will need to be prepared to deal with those things.
 
While you should not go out of your way to antagonize him you also need to answer the call of the holy spirit.

Since you mention that you go to a progressive Church of Christ you certainly have to take him into account. Why is your current church important? Mainly because CoC tend to have beliefs that are 180 degrees from Catholic teaching on abortion, same sex “marriage”, contraception, etc.

I know before my wife and I converted we were your typical anything goes, tree hugging, 2 kids and no more, liberal agnostics. When she converted 3 years before me it was tough. All the sudden I had a wife that stood at 180 opposition to what we had agreed upon just months before. By the grace of God I did follow her into the Church and have came to understand where and why my previous beliefs were in error.

The whole point is to continue to listen to the Holy Spirit, but be cognizant that your conversion of heart to Catholic understanding may have implications for more than just you. You will need to be prepared to deal with those things.
I think you may be getting my church mixed up with the United Church of Christ. Believe me, we’re a whole different ball of wax. Our tradition comes from the Restoration Movement (google that) and tends to be very traditional and conservative. Of course, there are varying degrees of conservative within our tradition; my particular congregation tends to be on the more liberal end of it. We are very much pro-life, don’t agree with same-sex marriage, and contraception is never spoken about. There is also emphasis on the husband as the spiritual leader of the home, which is why I’m trying to be so careful about pursuing this.

One thing that the hubs needs to understand is that as the spiritual leader in his home, he needs to follow the example of Christ. God gave each one of us free-will to make our own decisions, good or bad, therefore husbands should offer the same for their wives.

When I go to our church, I feel like something is missing. I felt that way before visiting the Catholic church and I still feel the same way, even more profoundly, after visiting twice. There’s nothing wrong with what my current church is doing, but it’s just not the same.
 
The way things look now, no. Hubs is a cradle CofCer.

Stranger things have happened, though. I believe in miracles. 😃
I’d also look into the original intentions of the Church of Christ movement, because if memory serves it was based on a desire to return to apostolic Christianity. You might be able to convince him that while his religious forebearers may have left the Church because of what they perceived to be (and which might have been) real abuses against the Apostolic truth, what the Church in fact taught and where it is going now are something very different.

IOW, it may be that the Catholic Church of 2013 is exactly the church that your husband’s denomination is looking for, once they get rid of prejudices they have introduced to limit their search.

For instance, you will read in their literature, “This, then, is the New 'Testament Church-pure and simple. It was organized at the command of Christ and under the direction of His Spirit-directed Apostles. Its teachings, doctrines, and ordinances, free from all pomp and ritual, were plainly revealed within the pages of God’s Word.”

But look at the Scriptures!! Look in the Acts of the Apostles! When the question came up–yes, questions do come up!–it was not answered by consulting the Bible. It was answered by Paul returning to Jerusalem and consulting Peter and the Apostles! So the idea that the Church is lead not by individual interpretation of Scriptures, but by the teaching Magisterium of the Church, is the Biblical depiction of the what the original Church looked like!

Look at this section: “The community of believers was of one heart and mind, and no one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they had everything in common. With great power the apostles bore witness to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great favor was accorded them all. There was no needy person among them, for those who owned property or houses would sell them, bring the proceeds of the sale, and put them at the feet of the apostles, and they were distributed to each according to need.” Acts 4:32-35. What Christians live like that? Catholic religious communities do, that is what. Do they have that anywhere in the CofCr? Not so much, do they?

Yet also read this: “While it remained unsold, did it not remain yours? And when it was sold, was it not still under your control? Why did you contrive this deed? You have lied not to human beings, but to God.” Acts 5:4. So even Peter did not imply that the Christians could not own land in their own name. The giving depicted in Acts was the giving of generosity, not the giving of communism.

I could go on and on, but suffice it to say that someone truly seeking a Church that is rooted in the Apostolic Church, the church (let us be reminded) that did not spring from the New Testament but from which the New Testament sprang, will find what they are seeking in the Catholic Church. For this is the root misconception of the Church of Christ: that is, that a group of believers can return to the Apostolic Church by returning to the words of the New Testament. Do they not realize that the Apostolic church did not have a New Testament? It also did not have Talmudic experts on the Hebrew scriptures to guide it. No, it had apostles, and those apostles are depicted in the New Testament as choosing co-workers and successors and sending them out by the laying on of the hands. (The New Testament is full of accounts of this.)

They don’t believe in a Pope? Look at Acts 10. What convocation of bishops told Peter it was OK to baptize non-Jews? There wasn’t one. The Holy Spirit lead him to it. Even the Eastern Orthodox believe that Peter had a special office and that his successor, the bishop of Rome, has a special office. The only quibble is in the exact nature of it, not that this office exists.

They don’t believe in prescribed rituals? Look at this, from 1 Corinthians 11 (boldface mine):
For I received from the Lord what I also handed on to you, that the Lord Jesus, on the night he was handed over, took bread, and, after he had given thanks, broke it and said, “This is my body that is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way also the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the death of the Lord until he comes. Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily will have to answer for the body and blood of the Lord. (1 Cor. 11:23-27) There it is, an Apostle who was made so by the laying on of hands, having never been recorded to have seen the Lord in the flesh, handing on the Traditions (with a large “t”, and some Protestants do not know that we know the difference between a tradition and a Tradition), those sacred Traditions which include ritual and a belief in the True Presence. If you get out a Sunday missal, you can find the Eucharistic Prayers for him. Compare those with the biblical texts.

And so on. I’m not suggesting that you lay this out in one big sales pitch. I am suggesting, however, that your husband belongs to a group of believers who, if they let go of prejudices about what the Apostolic Church ought to look like, will conclude that the Apostolic Church still lives, and that you are being called to join it. At least your desire may seem reasonable, from the standpoint of the aims his denomination claims to hold.

There is literature in the apologetics section of Catholic Answers which are much better than what I can do. By all means, browse them and download those that seem to speak to your husband’s fears concerning the veracity of the Catholic Church.
 
I think you may be getting my church mixed up with the United Church of Christ. Believe me, we’re a whole different ball of wax. Our tradition comes from the Restoration Movement (google that) and tends to be very traditional and conservative. Of course, there are varying degrees of conservative within our tradition; my particular congregation tends to be on the more liberal end of it. We are very much pro-life, don’t agree with same-sex marriage, and contraception is never spoken about. There is also emphasis on the husband as the spiritual leader of the home, which is why I’m trying to be so careful about pursuing this.
Ah, mea culpa. I have a very liberal acquaintance that uses the term Church of Christ for his church so my apologies for the case of mistaken identity. I saw progressive and glossed over the restoration movement portion.

In that case at least you and your husband are closer to a Catholic understanding of Christ then I was. If my wife could set me on the path to conversion from aethist leaning agnostic then its always possible that your husband may join you. There’s an old saying that goes something like “the husband is the spiritual head of the family, but the wife is its neck. Just like the neck she needs to turn the head in the right direction.”

Really I think it just comes down to what his objections may be and addressing those. To be honest most of my knowledge of Catholic teaching came from trying to prove my wife wrong when she converted. I found that what I thought I knew was completely wrong. While the three years between her and my conversion were stressful it lead me to a deeper understanding of God and his Church. I could never go back to the presbyterian church I was raised in once the truth of the Catholic Church was revealed to me.

I pray that both you and your family find the place that the Lord is leading you to.
 
Jesus said, “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” Matthew 10:37

Basically, Jesus comes first, before family.
 
I recommend you read Scott Hahn’s Rome Sweet Home: Our Journey to Catholicism. Scott converted before his wife, who was in agony over his decision having been a solid Protestant her whole life. Their story is helpful and inspirational.
I too miss something when I visit nonCatholic churches. They seem well meaning but vacant, as they don’t have the real presence of Christ.
God bless your journey.
 
By FAR and away the biggest thing here is to just make sure that your husband doesn’t feel like you’re rejecting him or abandoning Jesus. Continue to pray together, but be sensitive to his theology in prayer together (i.e. he’s really not going to pray the rosary with you). Read the bible together with a focus on what you can both agree upon. When you come across issues of differences, admit they exist, but move on rather than arguing those points.

If you become a catholic and he doesn’t, can you drag your own self out of bed early Sunday morning and go to 7:30am mass so that you can still go with him to his service? (Don’t receive their communion once you are catholic).

Look for ways to demonstrate you still love him, still respect him and his faith journey, still know that he believes in and trusts Jesus for his life. Don’t just believe correct theology. Do your best to open your soul to Grace and be changed by it. Then whether he ever converts or not, your marriage will survive. It will have rough patches, for sure. Fights will happen. But you have to follow the Holy Spirit first, not your husband first.

By far the best intro out there for folks like you is “Catholicism for Dummies.” Don’t be putoff by the title, it’s a fantastic introduction for those coming at things from the outside. (Also don’t by “The Idiot’s Guide to Catholicism” by mistake. It’s rubbish.)
 
Thanks for all the advice and support!

I’ve already read Home Sweet Rome, so I was sort of prepared for some resistance on part of the hubs. I’m currently reading Christ In His Fullness; the hubs isn’t a big reader, but if I can get him to read this one, I think it would do him a world of good. I think that the fact that the author used to be involved with the Churches of Christ would lend some credibility to his arguments for the Catholic faith.

Since today was payday, I went on and picked up the 2-book Kindle set of Catholicism for Dummies/Catholic Mass for Dummies and I’m looking forward to reading those soon.

I don’t have a problem with continuing to attend our current church while also going to Mass, too. I do need to let the hubs know of my intentions to start going to Mass on a more regular basis.

At any rate, I’m feeling more encouraged. 🙂
 
I think talking about it with him would be good. I would hope he would not try to forbid you from doing something you truly felt was right for you. A married couple does not necessarily need to be of the exact same faith. Many great marriages out there between a Protestant and a Catholic. If you have children though, or have them in the future, that might be an issue as to how you would raise them. You would have to discuss this thoroughly.
If you do choose to convert, I would let him know he’s always welcome and encourage him to explore it, but I wouldn’t put a great deal of pressure on him about it. That could place cracks in your marriage, if he felt resentful.
 
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