Act of mercy or occasion of scandal?

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CarrieH

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First some background: “Jill” is in her 50’s, and so is her ex-bf, “Jack.” We have all known each other since college back in the '70’s. Jill is Catholic and divorced with no kids, and Jack is a non-practicing Protestant who never married. J&J dated off and on for several years after Jill’s divorce. They eventually realized that they didn’t have the “right stuff” for marriage, but they have continued to hang out as friends, go out “Dutch” for dinner, etc. Jack has very little family – his mother has passed, his father is quite elderly, and he had only one sister who has been estranged from the family for years. So Jill is like an unofficial family member to him. This summer, Jack was in the hospital for over two months with a life-threatening illness (including an entire month in the ICU) and now he is in a rehab center to get his strength back. They are talking about letting him come home in a few weeks, and here is where things start to get complicated. Jack had only a temp job when he got sick, and even if he gets SS disability and Medicaid, he will have very little money to live on, and much of that will have to go toward his ongoing medical expenses. Jill said to me the other night that if Jack loses his apartment (which is highly likely) and it comes down to him having to go live at the homeless shelter or the “Fleabag Hotel” downtown, she would let him come and live with her. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. She assures me that Jack’s condition has left him impotent and that they would be living as brother and sister. She also quotes what Jesus said about “Whatever you do to the least of these, you have done it to me,” and says that she feels that it is her duty as a Christian to take Jack in if he can’t find any other place to go. What do you people think? Thanks and God bless!
 
Just my opinion, but I think she’s right. She’s helping a friend. She said they’d be living as brother and sister, so I don’t see any problem. They’d basically be roommates.

I’ll pray for them both.
 
I think it’s none of your business and Jill doesn’t have to “assure” *you *of anything including disclosing personal information about Jack’s condition.

Jill is doing the corporal works of mercy.

You, OTOH, seem to be acting like the “Church Lady” on Saturday Night Live.
 
CarrieH said:
First some background: “Jill” is in her 50’s, and so is her ex-bf, “Jack.” We have all known each other since college back in the '70’s. Jill is Catholic and divorced with no kids, and Jack is a non-practicing Protestant who never married. J&J dated off and on for several years after Jill’s divorce. They eventually realized that they didn’t have the “right stuff” for marriage, but they have continued to hang out as friends, go out “Dutch” for dinner, etc. Jack has very little family – his mother has passed, his father is quite elderly, and he had only one sister who has been estranged from the family for years. So Jill is like an unofficial family member to him. This summer, Jack was in the hospital for over two months with a life-threatening illness (including an entire month in the ICU) and now he is in a rehab center to get his strength back. They are talking about letting him come home in a few weeks, and here is where things start to get complicated. Jack had only a temp job when he got sick, and even if he gets SS disability and Medicaid, he will have very little money to live on, and much of that will have to go toward his ongoing medical expenses. Jill said to me the other night that if Jack loses his apartment (which is highly likely) and it comes down to him having to go live at the homeless shelter or the “Fleabag Hotel” downtown, she would let him come and live with her. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. She assures me that Jack’s condition has left him impotent and that they would be living as brother and sister. She also quotes what Jesus said about “Whatever you do to the least of these, you have done it to me,” and says that she feels that it is her duty as a Christian to take Jack in if he can’t find any other place to go. What do you people think? Thanks and God bless!
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As a friend and a Catholic member I understand your feelings about their personal choices including if they would be living as brother and sister, it’s definitely understandable, but again they are adults, they will make their own choices whether it be to live as brother and sister-roommates or not…She is doing the right thing, helping another, good friends do that…And if things go further may God bless them and may they do the right thing…I will pray for them and for you as well! Take care and good luck!!!
 
1ke said:
I think it’s none of your business and Jill doesn’t have to “assure” *you *of anything including disclosing personal information about Jack’s condition.

Jill is doing the corporal works of mercy.

You, OTOH, seem to be acting like the “Church Lady” on Saturday Night Live.
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Excuse me??? What did I say to give you that impression, except that I have “mixed feelings” about it? I am just reporting facts and asking for opinions, but nowhere did I say anything judgmental. Jill came to me out of concern because her own elderly parents were having fits that she was even considering this arrangement. I don’t want to see her get herself into a situation where her family will give her major grief, but I also don’t want to see poor Jack living at the dumpy hotel downtown. If you want to talk to someone about sounding like the Church Lady, talk to Jill’s mother!
 
I am given cause to wonder why you would not assume the best of your friend? It was - to my read - quite uncharitable on your part to even suggest any impropriety. We have a Christian duty to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Your friend sounds like a decent person, in my opinion. Her friend is lucky to have her.

We could all do to emulate her kindness.
 
GhostMan said:
I am given cause to wonder why you would not assume the best of your friend? It was - to my read - quite uncharitable on your part to even suggest any impropriety. We have a Christian duty to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Your friend sounds like a decent person, in my opinion. Her friend is lucky to have her.

We could all do to emulate her kindness.
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Who says that I am assuming impropriety? Sheesh. The thing is, my generation is old-fashioned enough that taking in a housemate of the opposite sex is still considered a bit scandalous. I’m glad that the later generations have dumped some of those silly attitudes, but I do not appreciate being judged for simply stating facts and asking opinions.
 
CarrieH said:
Who says that I am assuming impropriety? Sheesh. The thing is, my generation is old-fashioned enough that taking in a housemate of the opposite sex is still considered a bit scandalous. I’m glad that the later generations have dumped some of those silly attitudes, but I do not appreciate being judged for simply stating facts and asking opinions.
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I hear what you are saying…my mother is of the same generation…I am not even allowed to show pics of my fiance and myself…It’s scandalous to show oneself after a failed marriage with a potential future husband until I an married then I could show pics of us…🤷 I don’t understand the deal with it and I don’t like it, not only that but it’s costing my relationship with my mother, all the time she does things like this to me, not siblings to me…when my sister was 16 and at 17 was pg by her 21yo bf whom no one knew about, she didn’t care that her daughter dropped out of hs for a few months then went back and finished no big deal…but it was a big deal when after almost 10 years of trying to make my exhusband get our marriage blessed through the church and he never did so I left him, oh what a scandal! I was a dirty this and a dirty that and she couldn’t believe how I could just leave a man whom I had children with…Then it was a scandal when I found a good man whom wants to marry me through the church…OMG what will they say another marriage etc…I understand it’s part of your gen and all, but seriously oh man does it hurt a lot of us that really don’t care about the he said she said crowd…
But in either case, I am glad to know your concern, but your friend is doing the right thing…always helping is important!! And like I said if things go further well may God bless, and it was meant to be…other wise they will be roommates and good friends still!! 😃
 
CarrieH said:
Who says that I am assuming impropriety? Sheesh. The thing is, my generation is old-fashioned enough that taking in a housemate of the opposite sex is still considered a bit scandalous. I’m glad that the later generations have dumped some of those silly attitudes, but I do not appreciate being judged for simply stating facts and asking opinions.
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Here is from your OP:
I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. She assures me that Jack’s condition has left him impotent and that they would be living as brother and sister.
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You wonder how I could derive that opinion? You were gossiping about his sexual health and you had mixed feelings about her letting him live there. How else were we to take this? Sorry, it was poorly done on your part and well done on hers.
 
iluvmybabies said:
But in either case, I am glad to know your concern, but your friend is doing the right thing…always helping is important!! And like I said if things go further well may God bless, and it was meant to be…other wise they will be roommates and good friends still!! 😃
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Thanks. That’s what I think, too, but she is feeling really torn because her mother had such a fit when she even brought it up! Mama is good at laying on the guilt, but she’s had 80 years of practice! :eek:
 
🙂 😃
CarrieH said:
Thanks. That’s what I think, too, but she is feeling really torn because her mother had such a fit when she even brought it up! Mama is good at laying on the guilt, but she’s had 80 years of practice! :eek:
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My mother is like that too…big time…but what can we do. As long as your friend states the fact of the reason to take care of someone as Jesus would have done so then I don’t see the problem…Besides like I said if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be and there is nothing her mother nor you can really do or say about it…From the sound of things your friend’s feelings are in the right place, you shouldn’t worry to much just let her know you support her decision and think that it’s out of your control if things go beyond friendship…Just be supportive because that’s what friends do just like she’s trying to be supportive of her other friend…
 
It seems to be an act of mercy, from what you post. Not a scandal.
 
iluvmybabies said:
My mother is like that too…big time…but what can we do. As long as your friend states the fact of the reason to take care of someone as Jesus would have done so then I don’t see the problem…
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I think Mama’s big problem is that they were in a dating relationship for 5 years. If they didn’t have that history, things might be different. Plus Mama doesn’t trust men in general, and fears that Jack will try to take advantage of Jill’s generosity even if he can’t take advantage of her in other ways. :rolleyes:
 
CarrieH said:
I think Mama’s big problem is that they were in a dating relationship for 5 years. If they didn’t have that history, things might be different. Plus Mama doesn’t trust men in general, and fears that Jack will try to take advantage of her generosity even if he can’t take advantage of her in other ways. :rolleyes:
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I dont think he would…has he ever done so? I hope not if he has before then…uhm I would definitely understand the concern…but remember be there for her and she will be feeling better about everything!! 😃
 
iluvmybabies said:
I dont think he would…has he ever done so? I hope not if he has before then…uhm I would definitely understand the concern…but remember be there for her and she will be feeling better about everything!! 😃
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Jack has a history of long periods of unemployment, and along the way he has learned some refined and creative mooching skills, which concerns me. But now that he will be on disability, who knows how things will shake out? I advised her that, if she does take him in, to set up some house rules about financial stuff and to be willing to enforce those rules. Being a caring, generous friend is a wonderful thing, but I don’t want to see her take it to the point of being a doormat. Of course I’ll hang in there with her!

Actually, the “hanky-panky” factor is among the least of my concerns here!
 
It sounds like your friend is wanting to give shelter to the homeless and care for the sick…she sounds like a good Catholic. 👍
 
CarrieH said:
Jack has a history of long periods of unemployment, and along the way he has learned some refined and creative mooching skills, which concerns me. But now that he will be on disability, who knows how things will shake out? I advised her that, if she does take him in, to set up some house rules about financial stuff and to be willing to enforce those rules. Being a caring, generous friend is a wonderful thing, but I don’t want to see her take it to the point of being a doormat. Of course I’ll hang in there with her!

Actually, the “hanky-panky” factor is among the least of my concerns here!
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I understand but just be there for her and advice her and always be positive…hopefully he will be responsible on his end…and things will work out for the best!!! God bless and good luck!!!
 
I agree that it would be an act of mercy, not a scandal - the only thing that would be ‘scandalous’ would be if people thought they were sleeping together, and if she then presented herself for communion. If she’s way scrupulous, she might want to only take communion in a parish that knows her.
 
CarrieH said:
Excuse me??? What did I say to give you that impression, except that I have “mixed feelings” about it? I am just reporting facts and asking for opinions, but nowhere did I say anything judgmental.
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Look at the title of your thread…I don’t see any “occasion of scandal” in the facts you presented and agree with those who find your friend’s gesture to take “Jack” in to be one of a generous friend, not that of a woman with a loose morals. Anyone petty enough to speculate or gossip clearly doesn’t have enough to do with their time and isn’t worth worrying about.
 
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