Acts of Affection

[Ross09]

What is permissible for a Catholic married couple as far as affection?
I’ve seen posters state french kissing is foreplay…so, am I not to passionately kiss my spouse unless we are “setting the stage” so to speak?

Consider the fertile time for NFP practicing couples trying to avoid pregnancy. Is sexual play allowed during fertile time as long as lust and climax are not involved?

I tried searching the forums, ask an apologist, and Christopher West’s website…no clear answer in terms of chastity between spouses other than procreative/unitive sex. Can any one offer any insight into the Church’s teaching on affection between spouses?

 

[BiologyBrain]

The Creighton Method handbook that I have has a whole chapter on what they call SPICE. Its basically establishing ways of communicating romantic love to your spouse w/o engaging in the marital embrace. It doesn’t specifically say this is forbidden, this is acceptable. It leaves it up to the couple. It emphasizes that non-sexual methods of sharing affection are very important when avoiding the marital embrace (for whatever reason).

As far as I know foreplay is acceptable until it reaches the limit of the couple. For example, if french kissing gets your knickers in a knot & may cause unintentional climax, don’t do it. However, if french kissing is simply a method you two use as a non-sexual method of sharing affection - its acceptable. Obviously, anything that leads to male or female climax outside the context of the marital embrace is to be avoided since that’s always immoral.

Most people I know that practice NFP to avoid pregnancy for the time being have to be very careful of what they allow themselves during the fertile/avoiding times. It all goes back to that ‘lead us not into temptation’ and the ‘avoid the near occasion of sin’. Some couples I know can’t even sleep together in bed during those times b/c they’re so tempted. The biological pull is very strong and it cannot be emphasized enough that it takes a lot of inner strength to avoid giving in to that pull (if that’s your intention). That’s why I contend that most couples who use NFP to avoid aren’t using it selfishly and wrongly. Its just too hard! Of course, that’s just my opinion.

 

[ethereality]

From what I’ve been reading – and I’m certainly still a novice, a learner and inexperienced – it’s about love, not lust. You want to gift yourself to the person (love), not use them as an object (lust) to satisfy some desire in an incomplete, twisted way. So, we must consider emotional as well as physical gratification. I think emotional and sensual pleasure is certainly a part of love, in so far as lust is not involved.

I’m still reading through Christopher West’s writings.

 

[Oreoracle]

How is sensual pleasure completely removed from the “object” as you call it? The very idea of sexuality is physical.

I really think we’re posing a false dichotomy when we say that we either love someone as a person or are attracted to them as an object (and love, as I understand it, is a form of attraction/acceptance). The mind is not black and white; there are grey areas.

 

[Ross09]

How is sensual pleasure completely removed from the “object” as you call it? The very idea of sexuality is physical.

I really think we’re posing a false dichotomy when we say that we either love someone as a person or are attracted to them as an object (and love, as I understand it, is a form of attraction/acceptance). The mind is not black and white; there are grey areas.

Thanks, but I asked for Church teachings.

 

[ethereality]

Please, Oreoracle (and others), look into Christopher West’s writings about Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. That is, Christopher West provides a wonderful introduction to it. Read through Good News About Sex and Marriage and Theology of the Body for Beginners (both by West) and you will begin to understand what I’m talking about, however poorly I’m discussing it.

Our greatest happiness is when we are operating as God created us to, as gifts to others. This necessarily excludes lust, which is not sexual attraction – indeed, there is a profound sexual element as Christ makes a gift of himself, a gift of his body on the cross, and the Holy Spirit is himself present during the marital embrace. Read up on the Catechism for a brief discussion of lust: it is the perversion of true sexual desire.

 

[gardenswithkids]

What is permissible for a Catholic married couple as far as affection?
I’ve seen posters state french kissing is foreplay…so, am I not to passionately kiss my spouse unless we are “setting the stage” so to speak?

Consider the fertile time for NFP practicing couples trying to avoid pregnancy. Is sexual play allowed during fertile time as long as lust and climax are not involved?

I tried searching the forums, ask an apologist, and Christopher West’s website…no clear answer in terms of chastity between spouses other than procreative/unitive sex. Can any one offer any insight into the Church’s teaching on affection between spouses?

Within marriage, the Church doesn’t have any rules or specific teachings about how much foreplay or how much time should pass between foreplay and the marriage act. Use common sense. Couples should not have to stop all physical affection simply because they are trying to avoid pregnancy. If a particular kiss or other action excite one or both to the point that they fall into sin, avoid that. It falls into sin at the point of climax outside of normal intercourse either by self or with the other.

Public displays of affection and foreplay–even within marriage–might be unchaste whereas the same acts would not be in private.