ACTS retreat

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And people wonder why I don’t believe in God. Wouldn’t be surprised if we have a “jihad” over this acts thing. Jesus may have been a great person and leader in his time, but I think somewhere along the way it got out of hand. After all, religion is really no more than a way of life that people share a common interest. Is that the same as a “cult”
 
And people wonder why I don’t believe in God. Wouldn’t be surprised if we have a “jihad” over this acts thing. Jesus may have been a great person and leader in his time, but I think somewhere along the way it got out of hand. After all, religion is really no more than a way of life that people share a common interest. Is that the same as a “cult”
study the mystics. Thomas Aquinas wrote great philosophy and theology but when he had is mystical awakening he said all that the had written was so much straw.
 
I don’t think you quite understand. I’m not asking my husband about ACTS anymore. I did a year or so ago after he first went, but no more. I’m trying as best I can to not let ACTS negatively impact my life anymore. After giving me very little when I WAS interested and WAS asking questions, finally hubby has made a few comments about ACTS since beginning his Saturday morning team meetings a few weeks ago. He wanted to use the computer when I had this thread open once and saw the title and I guess thought I had become curious about and interested in discussing ACTS and, therefore, interested in attending an ACTS retreat. I guess he thought because we haven’t talked about it for some time, all the negatives have gone away, and if I was discussing ACTS with others, that was a sign that I was now interested and wanted to go myself. I simply told him I was interested in discussing ACTS on this thread. I’m still not sure he understands my feelings. But, I am trying to not let that matter. Hubby still likes the effects of ACTS for him. Good for him. It is my hope to just let ACTS go and not let it impact my life anymore. I’m trying, believe me.
I don’t think you are being as fare and as supportive as you think SwizzleStick. You say that ACTS has had a negative effect on you, but you have never been to an ACTS retreat. Instead you see ACTS through your husband’s experience. What many do not understand is that to go to an ACTS retreat is like walking side by side with our Lord for 3 days. You can not walk side by side with him for three days and not be affected in a profound way. It is not possible to experience Christ in this way and come home and ignore him or his body (which is the church). The reason many people that have not attended the retreat misunderstand it is because they want to understand what the people did during the retreat, the never ask what the Holy Spirit did during the retreat. This is the part everyone misses. When we come back from our retreat most of us feel a profound sense on conversion, this is not an emotional reaction (all thought the effects can be very emotional!) but rather a real spiritual conversion. It is the kind conversion that only the Holy Spirit itself can bring about. The reluctance to go on a retreat that could bring you closer to your husband and closer to God is far from being supportive. I suspect that after your husband came home from his retreat there was probably very few thing he would have not done for you, perhaps even lay his life down for you. The question I give you is this: Are you and your husband one flesh or not? Would you lay your life down for him?
SwizzleStick I do not ask you to lay your life down from your husband only that you lay down 72 hours of it for him and for yourself. I do not know you or your husband but this I can absolutely guarantee, if you go on an ACTS retreat it will benefit you and your marriage in ways that neither you nor any other human being could possibly bring about on you own. I will make you a deal; if you go and you feel that is was of no benefit to you or your marriage then I will out of my pocket reimburse you the cost of the retreat. This is not an easy offer to make as I am married and have 5 kids of my own to support, never the less, if need be I will get a second job to pay for your retreat. Why would I do this? …for the same reason I adopted a 5 month old from a homeless couple a few month ago. Because the Christ that is within me told me to do so.
Be not afraid. Peace be with you.
 
Jay0870 and Mark0720, sorry for the delay in replying. I have been out of town for nearly two weeks and am still behind in a lot of areas, so though I am replying now, I will try to keep my response brief.

It is not clear to me if you have read all my posts in this thread or not. I suggest you do so. Perhaps doing so will change your opinion. Perhaps not, or perhaps you have already read them, and you still feel I am wrong about ACTS. But, I will not attend an ACTS retreat. It is not my style. Hubby knows that. Though ACTS has been positive for hubby as an individual, it has not been positive for our marriage. I find ACTS hurtful and all negative and I feel changes need to be made in how ACTS is handled in regard to individuals who are married. ** I** will not have anything further to do with ACTS. Period. However, hubby will attend and be involved as much as he wants. That is his choice. My choice is to personally not attend an ACTS retreat or be involved with ACTS but to tolerate his attendance as best I can. I feel I have valid reasons for making that choice. You both, Jay0870 and Mark0720, as members of the ACTS community obviously feel differently about ACTS and the ACTS community than I do. Fine. So does hubby. You are all entitled to your views based on your own personal experiences. But, I too am entitled to my feelings and views based on my personal experiences with ACTS. Please keep that in mind.

God bless.
 
It can save your marriage.
Wrong, it can destroy a marriage. I agree with Swizzlestick, this is not for me, and I want no part of it. The way our marriage is going now, I expect to be fully separated or divorced by the end of the year. I do not care what my wife believes in (after all this is America), but I will not tolerate the one sided secretive acts of this group. I am expected to thell her where I am going, who I will be seeing and what I am going to be doing. I would expect the same from her. Now with the ACT cronies hounding me, I fell it is time to get on with my life, with or without her. In my opinion, this is what happens when you are forced to deal with religion when you are a child till it becomes part of your life. You are taught not to question the book. Nobody should be forced into anything till you are old enough to understand what you are getting into. This is why the middle east is in such turmoil. The hate is passed down from generation to the next, same as for Catholics or other religions.🤷
 
It can save your marriage.
We are both cradle Catholics who take our vows seriously, so our marriage is and will remain intact. Though ACTS did create some tough issues, separation of any kind was never a consideration or option for us. Yes, it did hurt and bewilder me that hubby went away for a weekend with a bunch of strangers and then came home with such strong loyalty to them and a bit of a wall around himself regarding me and our family. Yes, it did make things quite bumpy for awhile and ACTS does cause issues still. But, ACTS is not a threat to our marriage. Again, please read my other posts in this thread.

The way I’m trying to come to see it, ACTS is something that my husband does that he really enjoys and it makes him happy, but it does not involve me at all, a bit like his golf game. ACTS is his and his alone, just like golf is his and his alone. That is okay. Or, will be soon, I hope. It took a bit to get here and maybe I haven’t fully arrived just yet, the old two steps forward, one step back deal may apply. But, if I can get there, fully seeing it that way would be a good place for me to be in dealing with ACTS.

That being said, I still firmly believe that the ACTS program has flawed areas that need to be tinkered with in regard to individual retreatants who are married. If changes are made, perhaps hurt can be minimized or even avoided for other ACTS retreatants and their spouses.
 
Wrong, it can destroy a marriage. I agree with Swizzlestick, this is not for me, and I want no part of it. The way our marriage is going now, I expect to be fully separated or divorced by the end of the year. I do not care what my wife believes in (after all this is America), but I will not tolerate the one sided secretive acts of this group. I am expected to thell her where I am going, who I will be seeing and what I am going to be doing. I would expect the same from her. Now with the ACT cronies hounding me, I fell it is time to get on with my life, with or without her. In my opinion, this is what happens when you are forced to deal with religion when you are a child till it becomes part of your life. You are taught not to question the book. Nobody should be forced into anything till you are old enough to understand what you are getting into. This is why the middle east is in such turmoil. The hate is passed down from generation to the next, same as for Catholics or other religions.🤷
I apologize Mr Agnostic, I should have addressed that directly to Swizzlestick. That was not meant for you, I would have never invited you to attend an ACTS retreat. You see, without faith the ACTS retreat is useless. These retreats are for people that are seeking to be closer to Christ and to his Bride. They are not meant for people that disagree with or misunderstand the teachings of the Church and hang around Catholic forums dispensing there sarcasm and taking shots at anything everyone else says in support of their faith. Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to run you off; In fact I am glad you are here. I do not hold against you your lack of faith because faith is not man made, it is a gift from God. And if you don’t have it, then you don’t have it. However, now that I have come into contact with you, brace yourself; because you will now become the target of many prayers. My prayer will be that you receive the grace needed to have faith. I know, I know… You probably think that prayer is a waist of time. That is OK you see, for my payers to bear fruit it does not matter what you believe, all that is required is that I believe.
God Bless you.
 
We are both cradle Catholics who take our vows seriously, so our marriage is and will remain intact. Though ACTS did create some tough issues, separation of any kind was never a consideration or option for us. Yes, it did hurt and bewilder me that hubby went away for a weekend with a bunch of strangers and then came home with such strong loyalty to them and a bit of a wall around himself regarding me and our family. Yes, it did make things quite bumpy for awhile and ACTS does cause issues still. But, ACTS is not a threat to our marriage. Again, please read my other posts in this thread.

The way I’m trying to come to see it, ACTS is something that my husband does that he really enjoys and it makes him happy, but it does not involve me at all, a bit like his golf game. ACTS is his and his alone, just like golf is his and his alone. That is okay. Or, will be soon, I hope. It took a bit to get here and maybe I haven’t fully arrived just yet, the old two steps forward, one step back deal may apply. But, if I can get there, fully seeing it that way would be a good place for me to be in dealing with ACTS.

That being said, I still firmly believe that the ACTS program has flawed areas that need to be tinkered with in regard to individual retreatants who are married. If changes are made, perhaps hurt can be minimized or even avoided for other ACTS retreatants and their spouses.
OK Swizzlestick, let me just say this. I hate chat rooms and forums like these because they are so time consuming and people usually start arguing in circles and I just don’t have that kind of time. I am married, have 5 kids, work a full time job, go to daily mass, fallow daily the Liturgy of the Hours, attend ACTS meetings, and when I do have time I like to spend time helping the homeless and praying in front of Planned Parenthood. In addition I am on team for the next Men’s ACTS retreat coming in September. My point is that my time is scarce. Having said that, I came to this forum (and your post) by accident. I was looking for ideas for building a web site (for our ACTS community) when I entered ‘ACTS’ in a search engine and the next thing I knew I was reading your post. For whatever reason God has put you in front of me and has tugged at my heart, I am not one to turn away when God calls. So this is what I am going to do. I will print and read everyone of your posts in a meticulous way and I will get back to you.
May the peace of our Lord by with you and your family.
 
OK Swizzlestick, let me just say this. I hate chat rooms and forums like these because they are so time consuming and people usually start arguing in circles and I just don’t have that kind of time. I am married, have 5 kids, work a full time job, go to daily mass, fallow daily the Liturgy of the Hours, attend ACTS meetings, and when I do have time I like to spend time helping the homeless and praying in front of Planned Parenthood. In addition I am on team for the next Men’s ACTS retreat coming in September. My point is that my time is scarce. Having said that, I came to this forum (and your post) by accident. I was looking for ideas for building a web site (for our ACTS community) when I entered ‘ACTS’ in a search engine and the next thing I knew I was reading your post. For whatever reason God has put you in front of me and has tugged at my heart, I am not one to turn away when God calls. So this is what I am going to do. I will print and read everyone of your posts in a meticulous way and I will get back to you.
May the peace of our Lord by with you and your family.
Hi Mark. If no one else has done so, let me welcome you to CA.

I attended an ACTS retreat last year. It was good, but not great, for me. However, I have seen it do miraculous things for several men. I did not help out for this year’s retreat because I didn’t have the time to give.

I know there are those who don’t like ACTS for whatever reason. Some don’t like the faith (Mr. Agnostic) and others feel threatened by it (Swizzlestick). Neither are wrong because their feelings are what they are, although I wish they could both experience the retreat to see if their opinions would be different.

I can’t say that ACTS helped my marriage, but I have one of the strongest marriages I have ever seen (yep, I’m bragging!) and so I don’t think that ACTS was needed for us. The reason it was good but not great for me is that my relationship with the Lord was already pretty strong, so it helped but not to the extent it helps some.

I applaud your service and I wish you great things in your ACTS ministry.

Peace

Tim
 
FYI Mark070, we have been married over 30 years, never had a problem till the ACTS people convinced my wife it would be good for her. Even though I was born a Catholic and went through all required steps, for me, the numbers and facts do not add up about a god.
If I sounded sarcastic, I apologize. The way I see it, wee had a perfect marriage till she spent the weekend at the ACTS. I assumed when she went it would be sitting around the campfire sort of thing. Not brainwashing. Hope you can see why I have the bitter feelings.
 
Time for me to vent here a bit to try to keep things positive on the homefront.😊

I’ve decided what ACTS stands for to me. It is a toss up between Acquired Community to Torture Spouse or A Cross To Shoulder. 😃 Yep, that’s the way it has been around here lately with hubby on team. I say that partly in jest, but it is also a bit true to an extent.

Back when hubby returned from his retreat, hubby and the ACTS community told me that I was not one of them, that I did not belong, that though I am a cradle Catholic and his wife, I was still an outsider, that since I had not climbed the mountain or whatever and did not have one of their crosses, I was still a level beneath them, and as such could not be a part of their little club or glimpse their secrets. I was hurt, angry, bewildered. Fast forward to now and hubby is showing me a glimpse now and then of what goes on at his meetings, makes comments here and there, last night he showed me a prayer that he is working on for something. I am bemused by this change and he just seems confused and lost that I want no part of it and do not say much. I did actually ask him once “Now do you have to kill me?” Since I know it would not be helpful at all to actually say it, I’ve bitten my tongue more than once to keep from asking him how it is he can NOW share with me, his wife and just part of his family in life and in Christ, but not one of his ACTS “brothers” or “sisters” when right after the retreat when I really needed some help and reassurance, while I was hurting and confused, he would not share anything beyond “You’ll have to go to an ACTS retreat yourself to find out.” I’d love to tell him that as far as I’m concerned he can just keep sharing anything ACTS related with his ACTS community, and just leave me out of it because I am not interested, that I want NOTHING to do with ACTS.

He loves ACTS, so I really want to be positive or at least try to be able to stay neutral, but it is a difficult thing. It really bothers me that he seems to not understand my feelings at all, even now all this time later, but there isn’t much I can do about it but keep tolerating, tolerating, tolerating to try to keep it positive. I keep hoping to get ACTS out of my life, but I fear that even after this upcoming retreat, that will not be the case. So, for me, ACTS is A Cross To Shoulder, an Acquired Community to Torture Spouse and I’ll experience ACTS in my own way whether I like it or not. And, I don’t.

Okay, hopefully, this will help me get through this and tomorrow I’ll be better at dealing with this again.😊
 
SwizzleStick - I itch to respond to your note but I told you I would read all your posts before further comments. I realized that I also needed to read what you have heard form others. When I printed it all out it was 70 pages and I have a very hectic life being married with 6 kids (Including a 6 month old we just adopted from a homeless couple off the street) , full time job (Thank God!), daily mass, very active in ACT and preparing for with team for the 3rd retreat. I just have not been able to finish the 70 pages. Frankly, I think you should go to a retreat but I understand that your heals are dug in and that it is not me or your husband who are to guide you but rather the Holy Spirit. Catholicism is not something we practice on Sundays, it is our faith, it is our life. I pray for you and when I finish reading all posts I will give a more coherent response, until then may God bless you and may his Holy Spirit guide you.
 
SwizzleStick - I itch to respond to your note but I told you I would read all your posts before further comments. I realized that I also needed to read what you have heard form others. When I printed it all out it was 70 pages and I have a very hectic life being married with 6 kids (Including a 6 month old we just adopted from a homeless couple off the street) , full time job (Thank God!), daily mass, very active in ACT and preparing for with team for the 3rd retreat. I just have not been able to finish the 70 pages. Frankly, I think you should go to a retreat but I understand that your heals are dug in and that it is not me or your husband who are to guide you but rather the Holy Spirit. Catholicism is not something we practice on Sundays, it is our faith, it is our life. I pray for you and when I finish reading all posts I will give a more coherent response, until then may God bless you and may his Holy Spirit guide you.
Thank you and bless you, Mark0720. I very much appreciate your prayers and efforts and since I seem to be in a bad place today, I particularly need and appreciate them. Thank you.

Dona Nobis Pacem

Deo Gratias
 
Best of luck to you with your endeavors Swizzlestick. For me the aggravation and headaches are not worth it. I am closing on a beach front condo next month, and you are welcome to use use it if it is open when you need it. What is really funny, I am going to Madrid for a month to visit some friends there. Also they are catholic by birth, they consider the church a mafia. You have these hugh churches with very few people in them.
Maybe one day John Lennons dream will come true.
😃
 
The secrecy thing is handled all wrong in a lot of retreats. I avoided ACTS for 12 years because I heard it was a cult. When my wife went, primarily to meet people in her new parish, she came back sworn to secrecy. It caused a good bit of tension in our young marriage and I had to remind her that we had vowed to “forsake all others” and she could not take a vow of secrecy that excluded me. Once she opened up, I really lost interest and finally agreed it was confidential.
I went to a mens ACTS later that year, ready to blow them away if they tried to make me forsake my marriage vows. To my surprise, the said that only the testimonies were confidential, all the ceremonies, prayer, and schedule were NOT secret. They did say the retreat would mean more if it was a surprise, but I’ve told several men about it, answered their questions, and once relieved of their fears of cultisim, they have attended. Whoever is in “charge” of ACTS needs to calrify this issue; a lot of good Catholics are missing out because of it.
 
Best of luck to you with your endeavors Swizzlestick. For me the aggravation and headaches are not worth it. I am closing on a beach front condo next month, and you are welcome to use use it if it is open when you need it. What is really funny, I am going to Madrid for a month to visit some friends there. Also they are catholic by birth, they consider the church a mafia. You have these hugh churches with very few people in them.
Maybe one day John Lennons dream will come true.
😃
Best of luck to you too, MrAgnostic. I’m sorry to hear that the aggravation and headaches are not worth it. I do hope you reconsider and continue to try to work with your wife to save your marriage. Maybe your trip to Madrid will give you a chance to reflect and reconsider and perhaps come to a resolution that satisfies both you and your wife without ending your marriage.

Whatever the outcome, blessings to you and yours and peace be with you.
 
The secrecy thing is handled all wrong in a lot of retreats. I avoided ACTS for 12 years because I heard it was a cult. When my wife went, primarily to meet people in her new parish, she came back sworn to secrecy. It caused a good bit of tension in our young marriage and I had to remind her that we had vowed to “forsake all others” and she could not take a vow of secrecy that excluded me. Once she opened up, I really lost interest and finally agreed it was confidential.
I went to a mens ACTS later that year, ready to blow them away if they tried to make me forsake my marriage vows. To my surprise, the said that only the testimonies were confidential, all the ceremonies, prayer, and schedule were NOT secret. They did say the retreat would mean more if it was a surprise, but I’ve told several men about it, answered their questions, and once relieved of their fears of cultisim, they have attended. Whoever is in “charge” of ACTS needs to calrify this issue; a lot of good Catholics are missing out because of it.
As I’ve said before, perhaps ACTS needs to make some simple changes to their format, just tweak it a bit, in regard to how it is handled with married retreatants. That won’t help hubby and me, but maybe that will help future ACTS retreatants who are married to spouses who won’t attend the retreat for whatever reason.

In my case, my hubby is a person that if you tell him to hold a secret, he will take it to his grave. He knows that I wasn’t interested in hearing the private testimonials of the other retreatants and I certainly would not expect him to break confidences entrusted to him, but I don’t think he realized at first that he could share some of the structure of the reatreat, that he didn’t have to be so vague and evasive. Had he known from the get-go that I would not attend a retreat so there was no reason to try to keep it a “surpise” for me, maybe he would have shared the ceremonies, prayers and schedules that really are not secret, maybe he would have shared SOMETHING. Maybe he wouldn’t have so completely walled me out in those early days. Unfortunately, now it is a little too little, a little too late to share information about ACTS for it to ever be a positive for me, but maybe that doesn’t have to be the case for future couples.
 
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