ACTS retreat

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As indicated in prior posts, my husband attended an ACTS retreat in April and encouraged me to attend the one for the ladies which was in early September. He didn’t tell me much about it, but he still encouraged my attendance. He said there were personal testimonials, that some people got really emotional, that some cried. That did not sound like something that appealed to me at all, since I am a private, quiet person, so I didn’t think an ACTS retreat was something for me. I am an affectionate person, love to hug and kiss and cuddle with those I love, so it is not like I am closed off emotionally, but the idea of public displays of emotion and crying don’t appeal to me. Either just before or just after the ladies ACTS retreat, a man and a woman did a presentation at the end of Mass encouraging attendance at future ACTS retreats. Though I personally didn’t find what she said to be particularly moving, the woman started crying while she was speaking. I found that to be quite off-putting and decided I had made the right decision for me in not attending an ACTS retreat. I guess she was pretty emotional about her relationship with God, but that is a private thing and I don’t think I want anything to do with that kind of display. It is just not my style.
 
SwizzleStick said:
As indicated in prior posts, my husband attended an ACTS retreat in April and encouraged me to attend the one for the ladies which was in early September. He didn’t tell me much about it, but he still encouraged my attendance. He said there were personal testimonials, that some people got really emotional, that some cried. That did not sound like something that appealed to me at all, since I am a private, quiet person, so I didn’t think an ACTS retreat was something for me. I am an affectionate person, love to hug and kiss and cuddle with those I love, so it is not like I am closed off emotionally, but the idea of public displays of emotion and crying don’t appeal to me. Either just before or just after the ladies ACTS retreat, a man and a woman did a presentation at the end of Mass encouraging attendance at future ACTS retreats. Though I personally didn’t find what she said to be particularly moving, the woman started crying while she was speaking. I found that to be quite off-putting and decided I had made the right decision for me in not attending an ACTS retreat. I guess she was pretty emotional about her relationship with God, but that is a private thing and I don’t think I want anything to do with that kind of display. It is just not my style.
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dito. These (charismatic?) retreats aren’t for everyone. but like I said these retreat organizatons, or atleast ACTS, treat everyone as though they should want to be a part of the emotionalism.
 
Shameless plug here…consider a silent retreat based on the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises. DEEPLY emotional between you and God, no group sharing. I went to one last year and now help an order of priests coordinate them in my area. Solid Catholic spirituality, orthodox, and more the style for “private” people.

I am emotional about my faith, but I do not care for displays. It’s just not my thing, and I’m glad to see others agree. One of the beauties of Catholicism is our universality and rich history of spiritual paths that appeal to a broad range of personalities. The Church should not limit herself to one or the other.
 
I haven’t been to an Ignatian Spiritual Exercises retreat although I have researched going to one in the past. It was a little too far.

How about a good read? Secrets of the Interior “The ways of God are not our ways, and the spiritual life is almost the contrary of what we fancy it.”
“Your lowliness, not your virtue, attracts God”

Oh, foolish people that we are, who believe that it is our natural talents, our good works, and our virtues that attract our Lord; and who, therefore, often wish to parade all this when we present ourselves before Him.
If I may be pardoned the expression, I would say that all this is a species of “spiritual show.” As village maids think that putting on showy ribbons is the way to be elegant and the way to attract attention in society, so souls who suffer from this “spiritual show” – and they are legion – wish also to bedeck themselves with showy ribbons and to present themselves before our Lord gaudily attired with their pretend virtues and good points. This is the fault that the Pharisee in the Gospel suffered from when he came before God and, standing, began to say, “I fast twice in the week; I give tithes. I am not like the rest of men.” Spiritual show! We already know our Lord’s judgment of the Pharisee, and His commendation of the poor publican.
Treat your soul gently, as God does
Who would find this easy to believe: that mildness is just as necessary as force, perhaps even more so, to become a saint? Mildness is not weakness; rather, it is an indication of strength. Weak souls do their works with noise and show; the strong operate with marvelous gentleness. Life is as strong as it is gentle; love is as powerful as it is delicate. Hence, the action of God upon nature, in history, and on souls is infinitely mighty and infinitely mild. We, being weak creatures rush; but God works slowly, because He deals with eternity. We bewail the passage of minutes; but God serenely watches the flow of years. We wish to achieve the goal of our desires with a single rush; but God prepares His work gently, nor does our inconstancy weary Him, nor do our failures startle Him, nor do the complicated vicissitudes of human life overturn His eternal designs.
Conversions are prodigies of gentleness, such as was St. Augustine’s. The long stages necessary for union are prodigies of gentleness, such paths as St. Teresa traveled. Great missions from God are also prodigies of gentleness, such as was St. Margaret Mary Alacoque’s. If we knew how to study the divine action in every saint, in every soul, we would be astonished, perhaps more at the gentleness than at the power of the sanctifying action.
Gentleness is indispensable for us if we are to become holy; and this we frequently forget. Undoubtedly many souls do not sanctify themselves because of a lack of power; but many also, indeed very many, fail to do so because of a want for gentleness.
The human soul is precious and delicate. It came forth from the divine lips as a most gentle breath. It is cleansed and rendered beautiful with the divine Blood of Jesus; and it is destined to be united with God Himself to participate in the life and in the ineffable mystery of the Most Blessed Trinity.
cont
 
Rely On Faith, Not On Feelings
It is not my intention at this time to speak of the importance that the spirit of faith has in the spiritual life, or of the necessity of judging everything with a supernatural rule, or of performing all our works with aims and intentions of the same order. This is what I wish to insist upon and to call attention to in an empathic manner; the chief reason we disregard faith is our preconceived idea that we must feel God and divine things. Although we know speculatively that God is not felt, practically we hold the contrary.
Do we feel a sacrament producing its proper effect? Do we feel the increase of grace in our soul? Do we feel the death of the soul by sin and its resurrection by sacramental absolution? Do we feel the real presence of Jesus in the Eucharist in such a way that if we did not perceive Him sensibly, we would not believe in it?
Without doubt there are times when our Lord allows Himself to be sensibly felt, yet it is not precisely grace that is felt, but often something else that accompanies it. We go to Confession to a priest who simply listens to our sins, gives penance, and absolves; and we feel nothing. We go to another who understands us, who helps us in our disclosures to him, who gives us helpful advice; and we feel such a peace and refreshment that upon arising, we seem to be other beings. Was it the grace of the sacrament that we felt? No. It was the profitable experience that we had with the second priest.
To be conscious of a thing and to feel it sensibly are not the same thing; neither is one’s whole spiritual life a thing of continual conscious awareness. If we read the life of St. Therese of the Child Jesus with attention, we shall be convinced that she experienced delight only a very few times in her spiritual life, and that she rarely enjoyed sensible consolation [with God]. She lived by faith, by the obscurity of faith, and she is one of the most marvelous examples of that life of faith.
How many of us, on the other hand, when we go to prayer and experience consolation, come forth content with the assurance that God loves us a great deal? But if we do not feel Him, we come forth brokenhearted, sadly thinking that He has no regard for us, or that we have none of Him. And simply because we do not feel Him!
The first secret in finding our Loud is faith. He does not hide Himself from the gaze of faith, nor can He elude it. Faith never has obstacles; it pierces all veils. If only we would understand the secret of living by faith, of going to God by the way of obscure faith!
We approach the tabernacle, and we feel nothing, just as though we were drawing near an empty tabernacle. We say, “Jesus is here,” but it is as though we were pronouncing words in an unknown language, for they move not a single fiber of our heart. But faith assures us that God is there, and if we would comport ourselves in harmony with what faith tells us, how different our prayer would be! We speak to Jesus, but we do not feel that He is listening to us, or that He is answering us. But faith tells us that Jesus listens to us and that He speaks to us, and that He needs neither external sounds nor extraordinary means in order to speak with us. He is the divine Master, who speaks and instructs without the noise of words. And if faith assures me that Jesus hears me, speaks to me, and loves me, then delights and consolations are not necessary – no, not anything at all.
Archbishop Luis M. Martinez

Those words speak to me. I have no more interest in going to retreats that emphasis a pop-psy “process” and emotionalism. I can’t help it if others don’t, or won’t, understand it.
 
It’s been frustrating reading some of these threads. Most of us who’ve been on ACTS are thinking “Gee, if they’d only go on a weekend, they’d understand.”

I can see how in some places ACTS may have turned into a cliquish fraternity. In our parish we’ve had discussions about the dangers of this happening. In fact, many of us have taken on a personal resolution to meet one unfamiliar face each week at mass - not to mention ACTS, but just to strengthen the community of the parish. We see what the retreat has done in terms of building our community for those of us who’ve attended and we’d like to share that feeling with all.

I think one problem with ACTS is calling it a “retreat”. It is one in the general sense of the word, but it’s not the same thing as an Ignatian retreat, for instance. I don;t mean it’s better or worse - just different, with different goals.

My sister asked me today about ACTS, here’s part of my response:

I won’t go into much detail about the content of the retreat because it’s best experienced without anticipation. Besides, after comparing notes with [my wife] there are some differences between the men’s and the women’s. There’s nothing weird about it, though - no speaking in tongues, no touchy/feely new age stuff. And it’s 100% orthodox. It can be life-changing, but only in the good and mild sense of the word. Not in the brain-washed sense.

I can promise you, though, that you won’t regret it

It’s prepared and delivered by a team of around 30 women and one priest. It includes Mass on Fri, Sat & Sun, the rosary, confession, but a whole lot more. There are some very beautiful and profound moments. I guarantee that you’ll cry or at least get really choked up. There are some silly and fun moments. I guarantee that you’ll laugh. There’s time for quiet reflection. There’s opportunities for sharing. There’s no requirement or even request for any soul-bearing testimonies, although I have heard a few on the ones I went on.

Most significantly to me is the sense of Community that it builds (These Christians: see how they love one another). It has been, hands down, the best thing that ever happened to our parish, and was particularly needed when our three parishes merged.

The retreat is actually planned and delivered (and funded to an extent) by women parishioners, but they openly invite people from other parishes and hope that those women spread the concept to their own parishes.

Also, interestingly, there are generally more team members on the retreat than retreatants. On the one I just returned from there were 14 retreatants (only 4 from our parish and 27 team members (including me) plus Father. It’s actually been even more fulfilling for me to serve as Team than when I was a retreatant.
.
 
Some red flags:

A man and his wife become one; God has joined them. If this retreat causes marital problems when only one of the couple goes, I don’t think either spouse should go if there’s a possibility that they won’t both go. If keeping unimportant secrets from your spouse is part of the plan, no way.

Required recruitment…looking worse.

Money. How much are we talking about, per retreat?

Keep your eyes open, and IF at some point you hear accusations of sexual and/or financial impropriety by the founder, THEN run like crazy. Note: I have no idea who this would be, nor have I ever heard anything, nor am I making the slightest accusation. But this would be the thing to watch for, and the fourth red flag would be a biggie. This is just starting to sound like a really familiar story.
 
I have just joined this forum. So Hi to all.
I was in search of the internet to insure that the content of the ACTS retreat was not out there somewhere. I was captivated by this ongoing converstaion on the ACTS retreat.
I have just attended my 5th retreat 4th as a Team Member and have enjoyed myself as much this last time as every time before it.
I want to tell those who are unhappy with the retreats or are unhappy with the secrecy. Pray about it.
The secrecy is very simple to answer those of us who have been do not want to ruin the experiance for others. And if we told one that turns into a hundred in days. So there is no middle ground it is a secret. Our saying in this area is what is said on the mountian stays on the mountian. I feel it gives me the oppurtunity to help others. I work in sales and travel alot and feel as though I do not give enough of my time to the church by attending for one hour service per week. The ACTS retreat weekend every 6 months gives me something to help me feel better about the amount of time I spend with God.
One last thing be assured there is significant differnce between the Women and Mens retreats.
I will also agree because every one is different it may not be a life changing experiance for everyone. But I will tell you everyone I have ever met that has been has enjoyed the weekend.
 
I had been hearing lots of things bout the ACTS retreats since my ex-mother and father inlaws had attended and my future mother inlaw had also attented and she had served on team. They were all telling me that i needed some healing and some alone time to just spend with my LORD!! I had strayed a little and was looking for comfort in all the wrong ways and places. I was really confused :confused:and didn’t seem to understand why things were happening. As young as I am I had been through a Divorce was a single parent of a precious little boy and I had just had a miscarraige!! So I was really down in the dumps. I signed up then decided that I was not going to go!!! But my Ex-inlaws said otherwise my they went to pick me up (thats a 30 min drive) and my ex mother inlaw packed my things. So I argued and I faught with my ex and future inlaws on how i didnt want to go cause I didnt want to leave my son alone and I was going to miss him and that I need him and I couldnt be with out him ( he was my security blanket.) I told them thatI was ok that I didnt need to go that everything was ok, and where was God when I needed him most. They assured me that all was going to be well and that I would think different. So I went( to please them, so I thought)…And I cant even begin to tell you how AMAZING and WONDERFUL it was!!! 👍 The LORD is AWESOME!!! When I came back from my retreat i was so glad that they had made me go!!! I would encourage anyone that has not gone to try and attend one. You will not only become closer to the LORD:getholy: but you will also become part of a new family (Your Family In CHRIST)**[sign]In the world you will have trouble, but take courage. I have conqured the world. John 16:33**[/sign]Mercy_star (roni):blessyou:
 
Mercy_Star said:
…You will not only become closer to the LORD:getholy: but you will also become part of a new family (Your Family In CHRIST)**[sign]In the world you will have trouble, but take courage. I have conqured the world. John 16:33**[/sign]Mercy_star (roni):blessyou:
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???:confused:???

I became a part of the family of Christ when I was baptised.
 
Swizzle Stick please do not be critical of an experience that other people have enjoyed. I have attended 6 retreats now and still enjoy helping at each one that I am invited to.
 
vsnbs said:
Swizzle Stick please do not be critical of an experience that other people have enjoyed. I have attended 6 retreats now and still enjoy helping at each one that I am invited to.
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It was not my intent to be critical, just truthful.:confused: How was it being critical to point out that I became part of the family in Christ when I was baptised?
 
The people who’ve been to ACTS retreats remind me a little of mormons who won’t talk about their temple experiences.
 
SwizzleStick said:
???:confused:???

I became a part of the family of Christ when I was baptised.
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When I stated that you would have a Family in Christ I ment that you would have a christian support group that you could turn to for prayer or get togethter to pray!!! Yes when you are baptized you become part of Christ’s family but I didnt mean it in that way!!! dont be so literal!😛
 
Dear Swizzlestick,
You are not alone! A friend came across your posting and emailed it to me bc your sentiments and experience seemed to be very close to mine. As I read your original posting, it was amazing! I could have written it myself! (right down to the part about having 3 children)

Anyway, I would love to talk to you. My husband and I, both cradle Catholics, belong to a large parish and send our children to school there. I “sent” my husband on the ACTS retreat, knowing it would be right up his alley! I was right - he loved it. Good for him. However, to make a long story short, the aftermath of the retreat was a terrible time for us. It caused a marital crisis that nearly resulted in divorce. Fortunately, after seeing a Christian marriage counselor for a year, we have made good progress.

I think that the ACTS retreat is flawed in many ways. In our 14 year marriage, we have always been best friends - sharing with each other everything. At the retreat, my husband followed his instructions to keep everything a secret. When he came home he offered no significant details, and refused to tell me why the experience had been profound for him. I was confused, hurt, and eventually, angry and resentful.

A friend of mine who is heavily involved in the ACTS retreats told me that this is a common issue for spouses, especially when one spouse attends and the other hasn’t yet or doesn’t ever want to go. My husband’s solution was for me to go on the retreat so that I could join the holy ranks of those who “get it,” and this turned me off even more. I despise the high pressure tactics that are used by retreatants to recruit new people. It seems to me that they should respect the fact that not everyone will enjoy the ACTS format. This is something we have worked on in our counseling sessions - respecting each other’s spiritual journeys, and understanding that each of us has different ways of feeling closer to God. I now know many details of the ACTS retreat and I maintain that it is simply not for me. If one more person tells me to just try it, I may have a stroke. If anyone else is reading this and is considering responding to me with the advice of “just try it,” please do not waste your breath!

Across town in my cousin’s parish, the ACTS retreat has apparently divided the commmunity there. My cousin says that he and his wife, who are very involved in the parish, send their kids to school there, and volunteer constantly, have actually resorted to avoiding certain ACTS members who simply will not take no for an answer.

This was actually just ONE of the issues we had following the ACTS retreat. There were more. I can’t even get into how an 88 yr old priest managed to plant the seed of thought in my husband’s head that we should throw out our birth control and practice the rhythm method, despite the fact that I have a chronic disease, exacerbated by pregnancy and am currently on teratogenic medication which would injure a fetus.

The point is, the ACTS community needs to reconsider 2 things. First, their aggressive recruiting techniques, which don’t take into account personal preferences and feelings. Second, asking spouses to withhold important, profound experiences from one another. This does not help build or maintain a strong marriage. And if you believe that strong marriages are the backbone of society, you will agree that anything that threatens the relationship between spouses should be avoided.

Thanks for you time.
 
naturegirl said:
Dear Swizzlestick,
You are not alone! A friend came across your posting and emailed it to me bc your sentiments and experience seemed to be very close to mine. As I read your original posting, it was amazing! I could have written it myself! (right down to the part about having 3 children)

Anyway, I would love to talk to you. My husband and I, both cradle Catholics, belong to a large parish and send our children to school there. I “sent” my husband on the ACTS retreat, knowing it would be right up his alley! I was right - he loved it. Good for him. However, to make a long story short, the aftermath of the retreat was a terrible time for us. It caused a marital crisis that nearly resulted in divorce. Fortunately, after seeing a Christian marriage counselor for a year, we have made good progress.

I think that the ACTS retreat is flawed in many ways. In our 14 year marriage, we have always been best friends - sharing with each other everything. At the retreat, my husband followed his instructions to keep everything a secret. When he came home he offered no significant details, and refused to tell me why the experience had been profound for him. I was confused, hurt, and eventually, angry and resentful.

A friend of mine who is heavily involved in the ACTS retreats told me that this is a common issue for spouses, especially when one spouse attends and the other hasn’t yet or doesn’t ever want to go. My husband’s solution was for me to go on the retreat so that I could join the holy ranks of those who “get it,” and this turned me off even more. I despise the high pressure tactics that are used by retreatants to recruit new people. It seems to me that they should respect the fact that not everyone will enjoy the ACTS format. This is something we have worked on in our counseling sessions - respecting each other’s spiritual journeys, and understanding that each of us has different ways of feeling closer to God. I now know many details of the ACTS retreat and I maintain that it is simply not for me. If one more person tells me to just try it, I may have a stroke. If anyone else is reading this and is considering responding to me with the advice of “just try it,” please do not waste your breath!

Across town in my cousin’s parish, the ACTS retreat has apparently divided the commmunity there. My cousin says that he and his wife, who are very involved in the parish, send their kids to school there, and volunteer constantly, have actually resorted to avoiding certain ACTS members who simply will not take no for an answer.

This was actually just ONE of the issues we had following the ACTS retreat. There were more. I can’t even get into how an 88 yr old priest managed to plant the seed of thought in my husband’s head that we should throw out our birth control and practice the rhythm method, despite the fact that I have a chronic disease, exacerbated by pregnancy and am currently on teratogenic medication which would injure a fetus.

The point is, the ACTS community needs to reconsider 2 things. First, their aggressive recruiting techniques, which don’t take into account personal preferences and feelings. Second, asking spouses to withhold important, profound experiences from one another. This does not help build or maintain a strong marriage. And if you believe that strong marriages are the backbone of society, you will agree that anything that threatens the relationship between spouses should be avoided.

Thanks for you time.
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Although your experiences are very valid, they have absolutely NOTHING to do with throwing out birth control. Artificial birth control is a serious serious sin. Rhythm method is not used anymore, the NFP method (Creighton, sympto-thermal, etc) is just as reliable in avoiding pregnancy as any artificial birth control. The “health reasons” needed to use the pill are for direct therapy only-morally speaking, (and as an aside, does not actually do any therapy but masks the problem) not for the indirect need of avoiding pregnancy because of a possible health issue with the pregnancy. There are quite a few women on this forum who would die if they became pregnant, but confidently use NFP to avoid pregnancy. This 88 year old priest has been around the block with hearing confessions and is concerned for your family’s soul. Sounds like the ACTS retreat did a wonderful thing here in getting your husband to open up to the wise teachings of the church. This however is another thread. I advise doing a search to learn more.

Im’ sorry you’ve had a bad experience…clearly, there were some bad things associated with the Acts retreats, however, again, this is the what happens when places dont’ have good spiritual directors overseeing how the retreat is taking place and keeping things under control. The Acts retreat itself is a good thing.

I was like you, didn’t want to go on my awakening retreat (another retreat thats in the same umbrella). i had soooo much pride before I went, I was so mad that people didnt’ tell me what was going to happen. Then I went. Boy was I surprised. They just wanted to love me.
 
Agapewolf,
I will keep my comments on birth control brief, since this thread pertains to ACTS retreats. I regret mentioning birth control since that has distracted from my main message. First, your comments on the pill do not apply to me. Second, were I to think for myself, as I frequently do, I would not consider the use of artificial birth control even a tiny sin. Were I to need some sort of blessing from the Catholic church on this subject, I would refer to a Jesuit priest who, at my Catholic University told me point blank, “Birth control isn’t a sin. The church just wants couples to be open to having children.” Case closed. I don’t feel comfortable discussing these private matters any further.

On to the ACTS retreat. It doesn’t sound like you’ve been on one, or have any insight into how the ACTS retreat might affect spousal relations. You’ve compared yourself to me, which is presumptuous since you don’t know me. My reasons for not wanting to go on the retreat are not related to pride. They are related to my specific taste, and the way that I like to experience God. Singing songs while holding hands with my fellow parishioners would, for me, be painfully ridiculous. I can appreciate that some people enjoy this; I was even moved watching my husband participate in this activity. But it’s not for me.

I am glad you found love on the retreat. For some people, it sounds like the retreat is a wonderful, beautiful thing. I am not here to challenge that. Only to present the notion that asking all participants to keep secret from their spouse what transpired on this long weekend, is not a good idea. I can appreciate the need for confidentiality when people are disclosing their personal struggles. However, my husband could have included me in the circle of trust, of which I am worthy, or he could have told me what happened without naming names in order to preserve anonymity. These are two options that he did not feel free to exercise because he had been pressured and made to “promise” before thinking about the consequences.
 
naturegirl said:
Dear Swizzlestick,
You are not alone! A friend came across your posting and emailed it to me bc your sentiments and experience seemed to be very close to mine. As I read your original posting, it was amazing! I could have written it myself! (right down to the part about having 3 children)

Anyway, I would love to talk to you. My husband and I, both cradle Catholics, belong to a large parish and send our children to school there. I “sent” my husband on the ACTS retreat, knowing it would be right up his alley! I was right - he loved it. Good for him. However, to make a long story short, the aftermath of the retreat was a terrible time for us. It caused a marital crisis that nearly resulted in divorce. Fortunately, after seeing a Christian marriage counselor for a year, we have made good progress.

I think that the ACTS retreat is flawed in many ways. In our 14 year marriage, we have always been best friends - sharing with each other everything. At the retreat, my husband followed his instructions to keep everything a secret. When he came home he offered no significant details, and refused to tell me why the experience had been profound for him. I was confused, hurt, and eventually, angry and resentful. …
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Hello naturegirl,

The coincidences continue, as we have other things in common. Your very first post to CAF occurred nearly a year after my very first post to CAF and both posts involved an ACTS retreat. I joined CAF the end of April, 2008. Like you, my first post here was about ACTS. In fact, my post that you referred to in your first post here was my very first post here too when I was hurt and bewildered and looking for some answers and comfort. Also, hubby and I have been married 14 years too. And, your hubby, like mine, appears to have gone on an ACTS retreat about a year ago. In fact, my husband was on his retreat a year ago almost to the day, beginning April 17, 2008. Interesting, eh?

The effects of ACTS on my husband have been mostly good. As his wife, I know it is my job to help him live here on earth in such a way that he will eventually get to Heaven (and vice versa), and ACTS has helped both of us toward that goal for him. So, overall ACTS has been a good thing for him. He has grown in his knowledge and faith and he has gained good friends at Church. He has deepened his involvement in many aspects of his life as a Catholic and his faith life is fuller and much richer. However, the ACTS community is still something that we do not share and do not discuss. I have put the ACTS retreat behind me as best as I can, but I have to admit that it does still cause issues sometimes but I try to keep them my issues only. I tell myself that this is part of my husband’s life and faith journey that I will not and cannot share in. I know that I have not been nor can I ever be a part of everything in his life and this is just one of those things that is his and his alone. I know that and try to accept that. Bottom line, hubby is happy with his growth. So, I am happy for him because I love him. I am a bit sad and hurt sometimes to be on the outside of it, but this is his. Only his. I can let him have it and live it and experience it and try to remain positive about it so that he can keep it a positive experience too. So, I try to do that.

He is going to be on team for the next men’s retreat. I have not been on an ACTS retreat myself and I doubt I will ever go, so his experiences will continue to be his and those of the other retreatants and not mine at all. That is just the way it is. I do admit that I still do not like the way the ACTS community gets someone on retreat and then asks them to promise not to share anything when they no longer have a choice and are in no position to refuse. I think if that is going to be the case, married retreatants should be allowed to go together, but ACTS isn’t set up that way, so that is still a sore subject with me. But, hubby is happy with his ACTS experience. So I accept it. At times acceptance is harder than at other times. I do wonder how the next retreat will affect us when he is on team and gone for four days and then won’t share anything with me. We shall see. I’ll pray that I am a positive for my husband because ACTS was good for him and will likely continue to be good for him and I would like to try to keep it that way from my end too.

Here, I’ll quote myself from almost a year ago:
SwizzleStick said:
…He underwent profound religious experiences and they were shared with other ACTS retreatants. The experiences are theirs and theirs alone. These men ARE a part of an exclusive group, but I understand now that that is not necessarily a bad thing. While they are on fire with faith and love for our Lord and are called to share the Truth and their excitement about it, they also must strike a balance with keeping the confidences entrusted to them. I get it now and I appreciate each of you helping me get there. It took a bit of doing, but now I see.

Thanks to all of you. May God bless you!
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naturegirl said:
Agapewolf,
I will keep my comments on birth control brief, since this thread pertains to ACTS retreats. I regret mentioning birth control since that has distracted from my main message. First, your comments on the pill do not apply to me. Second, were I to think for myself, as I frequently do, I would not consider the use of artificial birth control even a tiny sin. Were I to need some sort of blessing from the Catholic church on this subject, I would refer to a Jesuit priest who, at my Catholic University told me point blank, “Birth control isn’t a sin. The church just wants couples to be open to having children.” Case closed. I don’t feel comfortable discussing these private matters any further.

On to the ACTS retreat. It doesn’t sound like you’ve been on one, or have any insight into how the ACTS retreat might affect spousal relations. You’ve compared yourself to me, which is presumptuous since you don’t know me. My reasons for not wanting to go on the retreat are not related to pride. They are related to my specific taste, and the way that I like to experience God. Singing songs while holding hands with my fellow parishioners would, for me, be painfully ridiculous. I can appreciate that some people enjoy this; I was even moved watching my husband participate in this activity. But it’s not for me.

I am glad you found love on the retreat. For some people, it sounds like the retreat is a wonderful, beautiful thing. I am not here to challenge that. Only to present the notion that asking all participants to keep secret from their spouse what transpired on this long weekend, is not a good idea. I can appreciate the need for confidentiality when people are disclosing their personal struggles. However, my husband could have included me in the circle of trust, of which I am worthy, or he could have told me what happened without naming names in order to preserve anonymity. These are two options that he did not feel free to exercise because he had been pressured and made to “promise” before thinking about the consequences.
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Actually, the case isn’t closed. one jesuit priest (which by the way speaks volumes that he is jesuit) does not override the catechism. The truth has never changed and never will. My pill example was a generic example trying to teach the point on how ABC can be morally used and not used. Please look into it further. You are harming your marriage by using it. You can’t determine what the truth is…it doesn’t matter what you want to believe…poison is still poison whether you believe it is or not. The Catholic church does not give you its blessing on this very serious matter.

I was not being presumptious nor did I compare myself to you. I was being honest with how I felt because it was similar to what you stated. As stated before, the confidentiality goes far beyond just the personal struggles becasue actually the process of the retreat cannot be revealed before hand, and it would take away from possible future experiences of others.

I have been to several different types of these retreats, and they are all under an umbrella of cursillo. I have studied them extensively in ministry formation classes and I know the process intimately. The standing together holding hands and singing is not integral to the process of this retreat…I wouldn’t like that either.
 
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