Acts retreats

[Fordnottuff]

My wife attended an acts retreat in July. I had never questioned what they were. There are some older post that described what happened to me( the spouse that did not go). I was upset because I knew that on Saturday evening she had experience something wonderful and I was not there to witness it. To make it worse I could not be told about it because it would ruin the surprise. I was totally left out. The exact feelings I had before I became catholic thru the RCIA classes. I would watch the parishioners receive communion and would be devastated because Jesus Christ was calling me.
When the weekend was over I gave her several opportunities to share what had happened. But she would not. She told me the standard acts response that it was like a Christmas present and it would ruin the surprise.
After that I became very emotional but did not let her know it. I would cry for no reason and felt that some one had taken her away. I began to search the Internet for answers.
Luckily for me I found the acts charter the outline for the weekend. I also found out the different experiences that would be In store for the attendees. Alot of detailed info is online and can be found. The Episcopal church acts retreat is same as the catholic one. Difference is that they state that if some one asks they are to give a full explanation even about the surprises, they are told to be honest. I think the lay people are not being trained properly and are caught up in the experience they had because they were not informed and want to follow the same tradition. I have read about the Cursillo of which the acts is based I have seen team training video on both acts and Cursillo. I understand the message and have no problem and support both. If the lay people would follow the Cursillo sponsor guidelines these problems would not occur. They are supposed to talk to persons spouse before they
attend. I the other spouse does not attend then a full explanation and methods use are given to the spouse. The catholic church that holds the sacrament of marriage as high as the Bond between God and the church. Nothing should have the potential to be divide those bonds. I will attend a retreat soon with an open mind. These retreats are not for everyone, they are meant to convert those that are away from the church and serve as a renewal for those that are closer to God. Nothing about the retreat is bad but work needs to be done to make sure the surprise element does not become more important than the sacraments that already form our faith. One suggestion would be a couples retreat where men and women are only separated when the talks and sharing is going on. Mass, meals, and other events could be shared together. After all the Acts Retreats are based on early Christian couples opening their homes to share Gods word and love.

 

[Della]

A couple of thoughts to share with you from one who has been married for nearly 30 years to a man who is a Knight of Columbus who must keep some aspects of their activities secret.

First of all, if your wife enjoyed the ACTS retreat so much, why not go to one yourself? Then you can share her experiences with her. My dh and I did this years ago. I had no problem with him not telling me everything that happened. After all, spiritual experiences are for the individual and not necessarily for others, not even spouses, to know about. Each person has his own soul, his own relationship with God. It’s good to have somethings that are just your own, married or not.

Secondly, there is no need for you to be upset about your wife having something you don’t/didn’t experience. Let her have some things for herself alone because, in the end, it will strengthen your relationship not hurt it. If you have to have every experience she does you are going to really feel left out if she has a baby or can do things you can’t or wants to be involved in some activity your don’t care for. Having differences isn’t a bad thing. It gives each spouse the room to be who they are and do the things they like to do. Cultivate your own interests and share with your wife those things that really matter in life instead of brooding over her having some experience you haven’t had.

 

[cradlecatholic5]

First of all, if your wife enjoyed the ACTS retreat so much, why not go to one yourself?

 

[Fordnottuff]

Not sure I made my point clear.

I will be going to a Acts Retreat in December even though I know the socialogical/psychological aspect created by Eduardo Bonnin is the part of the retreat everyone is trying to hide. I don’t think that the word of God should be shrouded by secrecy. The bible is an open book. If someone ask–tell them, if they don’t then they can have the emotional surprises. I don’t plan to be in the knights of Columbus. And I keep no secrets from my wife good or bad. She knows my confessions before the priest does.

It’s not just a problem of her experiencing something on her own as a individual. But rather living her life in a new way separate from her husband and family. For the communal or faith sharing community way of thinking to work then the husband, wife, and family need to on board. I Am not saying this is bad but people need to know what they are in for.

From this experience we have been closer than ever. We pray together every day. We pray the Rosery each day. We have not missed any holy days of obligations since. My knowledge of the Sacrements and beliefs are growing each day. I fully understand the purpose of the retreats. I just feel that the spouse’s partner is not taken into consideration as it should have been.

 

[The_Bucket]

And I keep no secrets from my wife good or bad. She knows my confessions before the priest does.

Truthfully, that’s kind of weird man. I get no keeping secrets in terms of big, Earth-shattering stuff but does your wife really need to know all of your sins? I’m sure she’s plenty aware of your defects without you listing them off the way you would in confession.

 

[Della]

Your wife in no way is “living her life separate from her family” by merely keeping somethings to herself. You are not entitled to her every thought and feeling, nor is she entitled to know your personal thoughts and feelings unless she or you wish to share them. Marriage doesn’t rob people of their privacy nor should it. I think you should talk to your priest about this because I can see problems down the line if you don’t know how/when to make proper boundaries in your relationships in your family. And I agree completely with The Bucket about confession. Your sins and your wife’s sins do not have to be shared with each other. Such matters are between each of you, God and your confessor. Not even children have to let their parents know their sins. This is dangerous thinking on your part–you need to consult your priest about this.

 

[Actaeon]

Not sure I made my point clear.

I will be going to a Acts Retreat in December even though I know the socialogical/psychological aspect created by Eduardo Bonnin is the part of the retreat everyone is trying to hide. I don’t think that the word of God should be shrouded by secrecy. The bible is an open book. If someone ask–tell them, if they don’t then they can have the emotional surprises. I don’t plan to be in the knights of Columbus. And I keep no secrets from my wife good or bad. She knows my confessions before the priest does.

It’s not just a problem of her experiencing something on her own as a individual. But rather living her life in a new way separate from her husband and family. For the communal or faith sharing community way of thinking to work then the husband, wife, and family need to on board. I Am not saying this is bad but people need to know what they are in for.

From this experience we have been closer than ever. We pray together every day. We pray the Rosery each day. We have not missed any holy days of obligations since. My knowledge of the Sacrements and beliefs are growing each day. I fully understand the purpose of the retreats. I just feel that the spouse’s partner is not taken into consideration as it should have been.

What is there to distrust? It’s a women’s retreat, only women are present the whole time! The “surprises” are just that for a reason. I’m a little perplexed at the fact that you have this incredible curiousity that you MUST know everything that your wife experienced. What really concerns me is that it MIGHT be indicative of a lack of trust on your part for your wife.

When my girlfriend went on an acts retreat, and I asked her about it, she simply said: there are some things I can’t tell you because I want you to go on the men’s retreat and it would be a greater experience for you not to know now. That being on the table, I did something important: I TRUSTED her that what she was saying was both true and in my best interest. I didn’t need to know anything more than that to know that my significant other was being truthful with me and that I really would benefit from her not telling me.

Furthermore, the ACTS retreat is for ALL catholic men, not just those who have fallen off (and I firmly believe that ALL Catholics should make time for retreats periodically)… and for single, young men on a retreat, women CAN be a distraction. Furthermore, everything about our mens’ retreat was tailored towards talking about male issues in the faith… everything. Our social events, meals, etc, were all about sharing the male perspective of family and/or single faith life! You simply can’t get that immersion into sharing with other men while spouses and girlfriends are present.

 

[yeseniacan2]

Hello!! Do you all know if u have to be married through church in order to serve on ACTS Team?

 

[Trick]

No.

 

[lupitarubio]

How often can you serve on team for ACTS in one year

 

[Eliza10]

I would not go on a Cursillo or an ACTS retreat. I do not like that kind of manipulated fellowship. We have so much as Catholics - we have everything. We don’t need gimics. I just don’t like it.