Addiction and Mortal Sin

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Just sharing this personal struggle is incredibly hard but I’ve hit rock bottom so I would love some advice!

I’m a devout Catholic but have struggled with masterbation my entire life. As a kid I didn’t even know what it was or that it was wrong, it wasn’t until my teens that I realized and began confessioning it…but now I’m 21 and still have yet to break the habit. I used to do it daily but have now gotten it down to once a week or even once a month (I know that’s still awful but it’s been hard to even attain that). I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle and am getting nowhere. I confess it weekly, pray daily, do my best to avoid temptations and live a chaste life outside of this habit.

However, I feel like this sin is unbeatable and every time I fail I fall into depression. I don’t even want to pray because I am so ashamed. Until a few years ago I didn’t even realize it was a mortal sin and now that I know it is one I torment myself with it when I fail.

My question is, because I’ve done it my whole life is it actually an addiction and if so, is it still mortal? (I’ve been reading posts which somewhat approach that idea but would like more clarification.) Secondly, is it wrong of me to receive? I have a few times after sinning in this manner which then led me to feel even guiltier and even worse.

Basically, every minute of my life is spent consumed with guilt and self-loathing yet for some reason I still commit these sins. At this point, I feel hopeless and unsure of how to approach my next confession.

Thank you in advance for any advice/ideas!
 
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Stay busy. Don’t lie in bed past the alarm. Don’t fantasize during the day. When you feel tempted, pray a favorite prayer and get moving.
Ask your guardian angel to motivate you to helping others, and also to prayer.
 
A lot is involved with this addiction. i’m very sure you are fighting
a demon & it’s dominating you now.
If you resist solely on own unaided effort, failure is certain.
By COMPLETELY depending on Jesus & Mary & never
losing communion with them, rejecting it is possible.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for in your weakness
My power reaches perfection”

You MUST fight it the right way
 
I struggled with porn addiction until my 30’s, then God took away the desire and I’m now free of it. Idk if it will take that long for you, but I remember thinking there was no end in sight as well. Just keep persevering in prayer, mass, and confession and you will stop at some point.
 
If you got it down from once a day to once a month, you can get it down to like, never.

Age will probably take care of some of the problem. Stuff just gets less novel and exciting and more like “here I am at it again for six lousy minutes of pleasure, what is the point.”

Just keep on getting up every time you fall down. Try some Adoration or some more Rosary. Ask Mother Mary to help you.
 
This may seem strange, but I must say from experience
that frequent OVER-EATING will make you HORNY
Natural food doesn’t give grace & should be minimized imo
 
Serve other people. As you serve orhers you will fnd fullfillment.
 
THIS. This is a discussion you should have with your confessor. There are a lot of nuances here that cannot be discerned by strangers on an internet forum.
 
Unfortunately, I don’t really have the opratunity to have one. Long story short, I live in a rural area, priests and parishes are combining and changing and confession is only available for 30 min once a week. Sometimes I arrive to confession, wait in line the entire time, only to not be able to confess.
 
I’m concerned about the extent of your anxiety/depression. That should be part of a conversation with your confessor. If he can’t address it, he will almost certainly be able to refer you to a Catholic-friendly psychologist or other form of counseling. Personally, I think you’re doing great to have reduced it as much as you have. You may yet lose some more battles with your demon, but you seem to be winning the war. As others mentioned above, you will most likely have less interest in masturbating as you age, especially given your motivation to quit. In the mean time, try to distract yourself when you feel the urge. Get up and go do something that makes you feel good about yourself, rather than bad. One suggestion would be to exercise outside/away from your computer and TV (e.g., running or cycling outdoors). Initially, exercise seems hard. It took me a few months to build up the stamina to run increasingly longer distances. Your brain releases feel-good hormones when you exercise enough and you’ll eventually find yourself eager to do it regularly. And when you come home drenched in sweat, you’re going to want a nice cold shower, which should further reduce your desire to masturbate. Don’t like exercise? Go to a movie or a mall. Or fill up your free time with volunteer work, so you’re too busy/tired. Above all, when the urge strikes, go someplace where you can’t masturbate.
 
I Second this. If you are able to say no to yourself when you want to eat for no reason, youll be better able to say no to sins of the flesh.
 
This reply helped—thank you! If I had to rate my anxiety I’d give it a 10/10 without hesitation. I know I do it in part to get out of my head and escape my anxiety wracked brain which is dumb because it only leaves me more anxiety ridden. Thanks for replying it’s devinurely helpful.
 
Do you have health insurance? Anxiety is something psychologists (talk) and psychiatrists (pills) can usually treat.
 
Yeah, those are all things which I have begun to explore. Thank you!
 
You will triumph in the end. Imagine the guilt St. Paul the Apostle had to overcome. He persecuted Christians and actually was instrumental in the stoning of St Stephen. Millions of humans are struggling with the same affliction as yours. The Son of God once said “some demons can only be exercised through fasting and prayer.” Maybe this is one of those.
 
I quit. If you’d like to PM me feel free. But you can be free from it!
 
It’s really the scourge of this generation. I’ll pray for you, and note that what you have, millions of other of young men are fighting alongside you.
 
You’re 21, don’t start popping pills for everything and stop being so hard on yourself. You’ll find this problem gets a lot easier to manage with age, from what I’ve read it doesn’t even sound like a mortal sin but it’s not my call to confirm that.

Catholicism isn’t just about not doing things. People love to dish out advice on sexual habits but how many of them feed the poor? You have a finite amount of energy every day, think about how to use it positively rather than exhausting yourself trying to not do something. You’ll find the former achieves the latter anyway.
 
I’m going to start by congratulating you for reducing the habit as much as you have. I know from experience that this is no small accomplishment!

There’s a lot of good advice already given so I can’t add much, but it might be worth mentioning that, for me, taking care of myself (getting enough sleep and stress-relief) was huge. Also, going to daily mass (if possible) helps so much. It is wonderful that you go to Confession weekly, those graces you receive will help you.

Now, you mentioned you sometimes feel this sin is unbeatable and that shame makes it hard for you to pray. Since you’re a devout Catholic I’m sure you already know this, but maybe it will help to have someone say it: this is what the devil wants you to think. He whispers to you it can’t be done, that you don’t deserve God and there’s no point in praying. He knows that if you believe that, despair will make you give up. He’s such a liar. God doesn’t want you to give up, and He’s not going to give up on you. Ever read the Diary of St. Faustina? The lengths God goes to for the sake of a single soul is breathtaking! What I went through - what you’re going through now - doesn’t go away over night. God knows this. He also knows it’s an addiction - and yes, that does lessen the severity of the sin. Your prayer, perseverance, and trust in God will bring Him glory and He’ll bring you the graces you need to beat it. Just don’t give up and don’t despair.

As for receiving Communion… I don’t know. I usually avoided it after to be safe. Except for those times I didn’t, which, like you, caused me extra feelings of guilt. Perhaps you can ask when you next go to Confession?

Oh - one more thing. I have the grace of a regular confessor, and he always advises me to make an act of surrender every day. When I complain that my sins are habitual, he reminds me of this, and adds that we should never expect to conquer ourselves without God’s help. If you don’t already, please consider surrendering yourself completely to Our Lord and Lady every day. No one has ever been abandoned by them.

My prayers are with you!
 
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