Man’s brain is not at all equipped to function properly alongside the insanely hyper-stimulating recent mechanisms he’s invented for artificial arousal. The rise of pornography, romance novels, Hollywood, Photoshop, etc. – all have had drastic negative effects on the sexual dynamics between men and women, as apparently we start to resent the fact we don’t live in the constant and immediate gratification of our exaggerated short-term fantasies. Pornography is sexual fast-food; once your body finds this abundance of what throughout its evolved history was a scarcity, it will react by strongly urging you to keep returning to the source until it’s been depleted. (As in
research on rats: “When the junk food was taken away and the rats had access only to nutritious chow (what Kenny calls the ‘salad option’), the obese rats refused to eat. ‘They starve themselves for two weeks afterward,’ Kenny says. ‘Their dietary preferences are dramatically shifted.’”)
Wikipedia on
the “pleasure center”:
*The pleasure center was discovered in the 1950s by two brain researchers named James Olds and Peter Milner who were investigating whether rats might be made uncomfortable by electrical stimulation of certain areas of their brain, particularly the limbic system.[5] In the experiment, an electrical current was given to rats if they entered a certain corner of a cage, with the hypothesis that they would stay away from that corner if the effect was uncomfortable.
Instead, they came back quickly after the first stimulation and even more quickly after the second. In later experiments, they allowed the rats to press the stimulation lever themselves, to the effect that they would press it as much as
seven-hundred times per hour. This region soon came to be known as the “pleasure center”.
Rats in Skinner boxes with metal electrodes implanted into their nucleus accumbens will repeatedly press a lever which activates this region, and
will do so in preference over food and water, eventually dying from exhaustion. In rodent physiology, scientists reason that the medial forebrain bundle is the pleasure center of rats. If a rat is given the choice between stimulating the forebrain or eating, it will choose stimulation to the point of exhaustion.[6]. . .]
The limbic system is also tightly connected to the prefrontal cortex. Some scientists contend that this connection is related to the pleasure obtained from solving problems. In a now-obsolete practice to cure severe emotional disorders, this connection was sometimes surgically severed, a procedure of psychosurgery, called a prefrontal lobotomy (this is actually a misnomer). Patients who underwent this procedure often became passive and lacked all motivation.* [Emphasis mine, here and below. (-I.S.)]
According to
Psychology Today:
*If too frequent orgasm alters the sensitivity of the brain temporarily (and it appears to do this in some brains), then it makes perfect sense that when we overdo it, our mate doesn’t look so hot—until our brain returns to homeostasis. Trouble is, thanks to today’s hype that “more is better,” the unsuspecting heavy porn user is unlikely to realize what’s going on until he hits a wall. This can lead to futile churning in intimate relationships.
As the men quoted above stopped the intense stimulation of Internet porn, the pleasures of closeness gradually grew more tangible and satisfying.*
From
another PT article:
*Research on other mammals also shows that after orgasm other changes occur. First, enkephalins (endogenous opioids) are elevated for more than 24 hours in some brain areas, and more than two days in the hypothalamus. And this happens after one ejaculation, or after many. Opioids have been shown to inhibit oxytocin neuron activity, which may decrease feelings of satisfaction. Sexual impotence is associated with increased production of opioids and reduced production of oxytocin. Are opioids leaving some lovers restless and dissatisfied over the days after orgasm?
Second, androgen receptor density in the reward circuitry decreases, and the reduction is greater with each copulation.
Lowered androgen receptor density means that key brain centers temporarily aren’t responding as strongly to important sex hormones, such as testosterone (which influences dopamine, and thus mood and libido, in both men and women).*
Lower testosterone levels amount to lower sex drives and worse moods. None of that bodes well for your being able/desirable to enjoy the fruits of a consistently loving sex life with your wife (thus driving you toward sinful acts in isolation even further). Starting right now, dedicate at least
one full month to being 100%-free of unchastity (viz. pornography and masturbation), and pay close attention to whether your sense of well-being, focus, anxiety, sociability, motivation, general attractiveness, marriage, etc. have improved. I suspect they will. Then you will be able to associate this very concrete reward to your abstention, and it shouldn’t be quite as difficult to be “master of your domain” in the future (especially when the sexual attraction in your marriage has received a boost). Make sure to consciously focus on the link between frustrated pornography-urges and general happiness.
