Addressing priest about starting up a ministry/fellowship opportunity

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AClaire11

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Hey all, I was hoping for some advice and perspective.

I attend a pretty traditional parish and used to work at its parochial school. Now that I have had a baby and am a SAHM, I feel really isolated from the parish community, because it often seems like the school is its main focus. Everyone my age is single or newly married with no children, and everyone with children is at least 5 years older. Aside from Mass, Sunday school, and the coffee hour that follows Sunday Mass, the only non-school-related thing that takes place is Wednesday morning Bible Study. I did attend that while I was pregnant, but it was a group of fewer than 10 very elderly parishioners and the material was so basic that, having studied theology fairly extensively in high school and university, I felt like a know-it-all every time I participated. A lot of SAHMs with children at the school attend the daily Mass that takes place right after Bible Study because the students attend.

There’s a less traditional parish about 20 minutes away that has A TON of ministries and opportunities for getting involved. Last year, I joined a knitting group that meets there, and I do still try to make it when I can, but (maybe I’m super spoiled) I hate driving all the way there. The crazy roads and drivers around here make driving very stressful, plus the baby freaks out after about 10-15 minutes in the car. DC is one of the most dangerous places to drive in the whole country! And I’d rather be involved with my own parish, if that makes sense. I was participating in a group of young adults that drew from both parishes, but all their meetings and events are at 7:30pm, right when my baby goes to sleep, and no one else has kids or stays at home.

I was thinking about emailing the pastor and asking if I could help start a women’s ministry or something at our own parish, but I’m not sure how to address this tactfully. I’m worried it will seem like I’m not satisfied with our parish and am complaining. I’m not even sure how much interest there would be, since almost everyone is either elderly, involved with the school, or a young working professional who wouldn’t have time. Should I write an e-mail or just keep going to the other parish’s events? Do you have any suggestions for the e-mail, if I should send one?
 
AClaire11 said:
Hey all, I was hoping for some advice and perspective.

I attend a pretty traditional parish and used to work at its parochial school. Now that I have had a baby and am a SAHM, I feel really isolated from the parish community, because it often seems like the school is its main focus. Everyone my age is single or newly married with no children, and everyone with children is at least 5 years older. Aside from Mass, Sunday school, and the coffee hour that follows Sunday Mass, the only non-school-related thing that takes place is Wednesday morning Bible Study. I did attend that while I was pregnant, but it was a group of fewer than 10 very elderly parishioners and the material was so basic that, having studied theology fairly extensively in high school and university, I felt like a know-it-all every time I participated. A lot of SAHMs with children at the school attend the daily Mass that takes place right after Bible Study because the students attend.

There’s a less traditional parish about 20 minutes away that has A TON of ministries and opportunities for getting involved. Last year, I joined a knitting group that meets there, and I do still try to make it when I can, but (maybe I’m super spoiled) I hate driving all the way there. The crazy roads and drivers around here make driving very stressful, plus the baby freaks out after about 10-15 minutes in the car. DC is one of the most dangerous places to drive in the whole country! And I’d rather be involved with my own parish, if that makes sense. I was participating in a group of young adults that drew from both parishes, but all their meetings and events are at 7:30pm, right when my baby goes to sleep, and no one else has kids or stays at home.

I was thinking about emailing the pastor and asking if I could help start a women’s ministry or something at our own parish, but I’m not sure how to address this tactfully. I’m worried it will seem like I’m not satisfied with our parish and am complaining. I’m not even sure how much interest there would be, since almost everyone is either elderly, involved with the school, or a young working professional who wouldn’t have time. Should I write an e-mail or just keep going to the other parish’s events? Do you have any suggestions for the e-mail, if I should send one?
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How about determining the level of interest first and then propose what type of group it would be?
 
I remember that isolated feeling. Sadly it does not go away until your youngest is around five. Which, if you have more kids, may be years away. Your focus has to change until then. Am I right in reading that you seem stuck in between those who are married with no kids/older kids? I am sorry about that. When I had my youngest there where about five-six other nursing moms in the cry room with me :). One of those had six other kids already :)🙂

In asking your pastor about starting a ministry, you are going to have to present a viable ministry. It’s YOUR idea. It would help if you already had some other moms on board. Why not start something at home first that can morph into a church sponsored ministry?

Honestly until my youngest was old enough, I met with other SAHMs one day a week for a snack lunch and craft/art day with the kids. Sometimes we would go to the park, other days we rotated homes. We all homeschooled.

FWIW, now that all kids are grown and gone and I have time for a ministry at church, there is nothing and no one has interest in one or a Bible study. I do travel to other parishes for that.
Starting a ‘new’ ministry at an established parish is almost impossible. There seem to be a lot of naysayers unless you can start it up yourself with a few others and the pastor approves of it.
 
Don’t email. Make an appointment. Don’t focus on what is lacking…focus on how this can minister to your people who want to raise their children in a more traditional manner.

Smile and let him know that you feel like many will be interested, but numbers really don’t matter. Stress that it’s not going to “cost” anything but a room to meet in.

Good luck!
 
AClaire11 said:
Hey all, I was hoping for some advice and perspective.

I attend a pretty traditional parish and used to work at its parochial school. Now that I have had a baby and am a SAHM, I feel really isolated from the parish community, because it often seems like the school is its main focus. Everyone my age is single or newly married with no children, and everyone with children is at least 5 years older. Aside from Mass, Sunday school, and the coffee hour that follows Sunday Mass, the only non-school-related thing that takes place is Wednesday morning Bible Study. I did attend that while I was pregnant, but it was a group of fewer than 10 very elderly parishioners and the material was so basic that, having studied theology fairly extensively in high school and university, I felt like a know-it-all every time I participated. A lot of SAHMs with children at the school attend the daily Mass that takes place right after Bible Study because the students attend.

There’s a less traditional parish about 20 minutes away that has A TON of ministries and opportunities for getting involved. Last year, I joined a knitting group that meets there, and I do still try to make it when I can, but (maybe I’m super spoiled) I hate driving all the way there. The crazy roads and drivers around here make driving very stressful, plus the baby freaks out after about 10-15 minutes in the car. DC is one of the most dangerous places to drive in the whole country! And I’d rather be involved with my own parish, if that makes sense. I was participating in a group of young adults that drew from both parishes, but all their meetings and events are at 7:30pm, right when my baby goes to sleep, and no one else has kids or stays at home.

I was thinking about emailing the pastor and asking if I could help start a women’s ministry or something at our own parish, but I’m not sure how to address this tactfully. I’m worried it will seem like I’m not satisfied with our parish and am complaining. I’m not even sure how much interest there would be, since almost everyone is either elderly, involved with the school, or a young working professional who wouldn’t have time. Should I write an e-mail or just keep going to the other parish’s events? Do you have any suggestions for the e-mail, if I should send one?
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I think having fellowship is one of the biggest things missing from the Church today. A book club (not just religious subjects), a sewing group, doing ceramics… We need to stop going to Mass, getting in our cars and going home and not knowing the person standing next to us at Mass.

At this point in time, with such a strong secular media and avoidance of healthy spiritual communities in the “real” world, Catholics need to get together, make friends, and talk about leading a good Catholic life outside of the Church building. Because for too many, the Church matters when we’re at Mass but the moment we leave, the secular world surrounds us and basically preaches wrong things to us. Or provides “entertainment” that no Christian should watch or listen to.

You could even propose inviting Catholics from other parishes. The Bible tells us to encourage one another. How can we do that if we don’t communicate and get together - in person? We may even be able to help one another in some small way. Later, our children can do the same thing. We all need to be on the same page too. Secular society hinders that. Sometimes Catholics just need other Catholics to listen to. I have a Catholic friend who calls me on a regular basis just to get that fellowship.

Hope this helps,
Ed
 
My experience is that you need to have some clear idea about what you would like and a plan before approaching your priest. It also helps to have someone alongside who will help with the arrangements. It is surprising the amount of work needed for an activity e.g. booking the hall, printing posters, writing the announcement, buying tea and coffee etc. All little tasks but they build up.

Whilst you may like it to be something that attracts people of a similar age, having it open and welcome to can be a wonderful blessing. I never cease to be amazed and humbled by our elderly parishoners. They have amazing stories and insights to share and are often very young at heart, wise and fun.

In short, pray, plan, listen and see if you can find a like minded person of any age to help.

Just a few thoughts.
 
Okay, thank you for the advice! I’ll see what other women at the parish think, but everyone seems really wrapped up in either the school or their work, so I’m not too optimistic. I mean, if none of them come to the Wednesday study, I’m not sure how many would come to something else. I just wish I could be more involved. I asked about volunteering in the office last year, but they didn’t have anything for me to do, and now that I have a baby, I’m not sure what I can really help out with, aside from signing up to bring meals to other new moms. I did reach out to the only other FTM who recently had a baby, and we’re planning to go to lunch sometime soon. So maybe I’ll ask her if she thinks people will be interested. She has a lot more connections than I do.
 
AClaire11 said:
Okay, thank you for the advice! I’ll see what other women at the parish think, but everyone seems really wrapped up in either the school or their work, so I’m not too optimistic. I mean, if none of them come to the Wednesday study, I’m not sure how many would come to something else. I just wish I could be more involved. I asked about volunteering in the office last year, but they didn’t have anything for me to do, and now that I have a baby, I’m not sure what I can really help out with, aside from signing up to bring meals to other new moms. I did reach out to the only other FTM who recently had a baby, and we’re planning to go to lunch sometime soon. So maybe I’ll ask her if she thinks people will be interested. She has a lot more connections than I do.
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When we started our Mother’s Circle we had 2 ladies show up. 25 years later, we still meet once a month for dinner and conversation about our babies" .
Don’t let numbers get you down. At one point we had 20 moms and their children, which was chaotic.
It will be fine. What makes it successful is YOU and your willingness to befriend someone else.
Not the amount of people that show up. But, word of mouth, it will take off, you’ll see.
If fact, if the priest is hesitant, it may be better if fewer people are there to start off.
Once a group starts meeting regularly, it’s a lot harder to say “no”.
 
I think you are overthinking it.

In my experience if you go to a priest and say “I want to do X and I’ll organize it, can I make an announcement at mass and put it in the bulletin?” the answer is pretty much always “yes”.
 
1ke said:
I think you are overthinking it.

In my experience if you go to a priest and say “I want to do X and I’ll organize it, can I make an announcement at mass and put it in the bulletin?” the answer is pretty much always “yes”.
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I agree. Most Priests I’ve encountered check off the following boxes for new groups and activities that are suggested:
  1. “Is it in any way contrary to our Church’s mission or teachings?”
  2. “Is it going to cost me anything, aside from space in the Church?”
  3. “Does it conflict with a current activity already on the calendar?”
Generally, when all the answers are no, the Priest’s answer is yes.

Frankly, there aren’t many good reasons that come to mind generally speaking for saying no if those two answers are satisfied.
 
Maximilan_Kolbe said:
I agree. Most Priests I’ve encountered check off the following boxes for new groups and activities that are suggested:
  1. “Is it in any way contrary to our Church’s mission or teachings?”
  2. “Is it going to cost me anything, aside from space in the Church?”
  3. “Does it conflict with a current activity already on the calendar?”
Generally, when all the answers are no, the Priest’s answer is yes.

Frankly, there aren’t many good reasons that come to mind generally speaking for saying no if those two answers are satisfied.
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Thank you 🙂 I’ll see what ideas I can come up with and ask around.
 
I forgot that Theology on Tap was starting again, and got all excited when I received an e-mail, only to see that it’s at 7pm on Wednesdays 😦 I remember them sending out a survey to ask what times would work for people, and I guess all the other young adults voted against weekend afternoons.
 
Do you have an Elizabeth ministry at your church?

Ours does everything from providing meals to babysitting to lending an ear or a hand with laundry or housecleaning. They are on call and will come at a moment’s notice for anything from needing a gallon of milk and you can’t run out because all the kids are home sick to new moms with a colicky baby just needing a break and a fresh set of arms to rock the baby.

It’s also a great way to meet new families in the parish.
 
PhiloMed said:
Do you have an Elizabeth ministry at your church?

Ours does everything from providing meals to babysitting to lending an ear or a hand with laundry or housecleaning. They are on call and will come at a moment’s notice for anything from needing a gallon of milk and you can’t run out because all the kids are home sick to new moms with a colicky baby just needing a break and a fresh set of arms to rock the baby.

It’s also a great way to meet new families in the parish.
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We do not, but it sounds like a wonderful idea! We do provide meals to new parents, etc, but not as an overarching ministry like this.
 
Small question… does it have to be just Catholics? There may well be mothers in other congregations in the same need as you are in…
 
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