L
lovedance4ever
Guest
Hi everyone. I’m trying really hard to stay positive, and I actually shouldn’t be having as much trouble with it as I am right now…so I could definitely use some words of encouragement/advice.
Maybe a month or so ago, I asked for prayers regarding my faith. I reached a point where I was so angry at God for my loneliness and the constant bad that seemed to happen, that I found it nearly impossible to pray and attend mass. So one day, I was driving alone in the car and starting crying and yelling at God. Maybe that sounds stupid, but that is how it played out. Anyway, after this outburst, within five minutes, I received a text from my cousin (a second cousin, or something…don’t know her too well). I hadn’t heard from her in months, so you could have knocked me over with a feather when she contacted me. She asked if I wanted to hang out; again, something I rarely, if ever, hear someone else say to me.
From there, I’d say a good three or four times per week, she texts me and asks me to go to movies, lunches, dinners, etc. In addition, she’s introduced me to her friends, who have started exchanging numbers with me and inviting me places. These are good, Christian people too. So different from the immoral college environment I have been forced into. The blessings didn’t stop there, either. I also recently got a job working alongside some really lovely people.
At any rate, while I realize how much of a blessing this is from God, I am having a much more difficult time adjusting to it than I thought I would. I used to think it would be so easy to suddenly have friends. But having been so cooped up in my house, and limited to mostly family interactions, it’s almost like I have forgotten how to act with other people. I also have a very difficult time trusting others. The first thing that came to mind when my cousin started asking me to go here and there with her, was…“Why would she want me around? What’s the catch?” I guess there is no catch, but that’s very hard for me to accept.
Every outing causes me a great deal of anxiety, and there are times when it is almost unbearable. I don’t know how to handle such nice people. I wish I could just take it for what it is and finally be happy. I should be grateful to God for this incredible change in my life. But nevertheless, I still can’t trust. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, because from my experience, happiness is only temporary, and the happier I am, the more loss hurts. Why do I still feel absolutely miserable and alone, when in reality, I’m the furthest thing from it?
I have been seeing a counselor, so I definitely will continue to discuss these issues with her. But I’d like to hear a Catholic perspective. If you have any advice, I’d very much appreciate it. Prayers are always welcome as well…I’m still struggling a lot with my faith. I don’t want to feel numb toward Our Lord anymore.
Maybe a month or so ago, I asked for prayers regarding my faith. I reached a point where I was so angry at God for my loneliness and the constant bad that seemed to happen, that I found it nearly impossible to pray and attend mass. So one day, I was driving alone in the car and starting crying and yelling at God. Maybe that sounds stupid, but that is how it played out. Anyway, after this outburst, within five minutes, I received a text from my cousin (a second cousin, or something…don’t know her too well). I hadn’t heard from her in months, so you could have knocked me over with a feather when she contacted me. She asked if I wanted to hang out; again, something I rarely, if ever, hear someone else say to me.
From there, I’d say a good three or four times per week, she texts me and asks me to go to movies, lunches, dinners, etc. In addition, she’s introduced me to her friends, who have started exchanging numbers with me and inviting me places. These are good, Christian people too. So different from the immoral college environment I have been forced into. The blessings didn’t stop there, either. I also recently got a job working alongside some really lovely people.
At any rate, while I realize how much of a blessing this is from God, I am having a much more difficult time adjusting to it than I thought I would. I used to think it would be so easy to suddenly have friends. But having been so cooped up in my house, and limited to mostly family interactions, it’s almost like I have forgotten how to act with other people. I also have a very difficult time trusting others. The first thing that came to mind when my cousin started asking me to go here and there with her, was…“Why would she want me around? What’s the catch?” I guess there is no catch, but that’s very hard for me to accept.
Every outing causes me a great deal of anxiety, and there are times when it is almost unbearable. I don’t know how to handle such nice people. I wish I could just take it for what it is and finally be happy. I should be grateful to God for this incredible change in my life. But nevertheless, I still can’t trust. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, because from my experience, happiness is only temporary, and the happier I am, the more loss hurts. Why do I still feel absolutely miserable and alone, when in reality, I’m the furthest thing from it?
I have been seeing a counselor, so I definitely will continue to discuss these issues with her. But I’d like to hear a Catholic perspective. If you have any advice, I’d very much appreciate it. Prayers are always welcome as well…I’m still struggling a lot with my faith. I don’t want to feel numb toward Our Lord anymore.
