Admonish the Sinner -- promptness and elders?

[Ana_v]

I have been thinking a lot about the subject of admonishing the sinner. It is surely the most uncomfortable of the works of mercy and the one most likely to alienate friends, family members, and others. The great challenge is to not let that possibility in-itself interfere with one’s duty, but simultaneously used that possibility to inform your prudential judgement.

A relevant Scripture passage is Ezekiel 3:18-19:

If I say to the wicked, ‘You shall surely die,’ and you give him no warning, nor speak to warn the wicked from his wicked way, in order to save his life, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood I will require at your hand. But if you warn the wicked, and he does not turn from his wickedness, or from his wicked way, he shall die in his iniquity; but you will have saved your life.

The entry (Fraternal Correction) in the Catholic Encyclopedia on admonishing the sinner lists 5 conditions that together establish ones obligation to admonish:

• the delinquency to be corrected or prevented is a grievous one;
• there is no good reason to believe that the sinner will adequately provide for himself;
• there is a well-founded expectation that the admonition will be heeded;
• there is no one else just as well fitted for this work of Christian charity and likely to undertake it;
• there is no special trouble or disadvantage accruing to the reformer as a result of his zeal.

However, other sources I have encountered list only three of the above conditions (the one’s I bolded)

My questions:

What about correcting your elders? (I suppose this is a question more relevant for young people like me).

How soon do you have to admonish, especially if this is not a sin that you have “seen” in the sense of being committed right before your eyes?

A concrete example:
I have a cousin, about 10 years older than I am, who is Catholic (married to a non-Catholic, and two children, and one on the way) and was for some time attending the same Mass with my family (11 am Mass, pastor recently changed it to 10 am). We live in a small town in which there is only one parish. She hasn’t been going with us these past weeks.

I recall her saying she prefers the 8 am Mass because people dress more casually whereas at the 11 am she has to dress more formally. This statement she made the day she visited us the first time since us moving to this town ( we arrived in September).

However, for Christmas, I am pretty sure she did not go to Mass. I think she wanted to go to the midnight Mass, but my family planned and did go to the 10 am Mass, and there was some confusion for some reason, such that I got the impression that she missed Mass.

I asked her daughter (10 years old) if her family went to Mass on Christmas, and she said they didn’t, and then she mentioned – though I don’t remember if this was referring to Christmas Mass or other Masses in general – that her parents were tired and sleeping.

Add to that that my uncle has told my dad that his daughter isn’t consistent with Mass attendance.

So while I don’t know first hand – from my cousin – whether she misses Mass without valid reason, I have some grounds to suspect it.

She lives close, but I don’t see here often. Yesterday I did because, along with my own younger brother, I take her daughter to catechism on Wednesday nights. When I dropped her off home, I went into the house so as to have an opportunity to bring up the yearly confession requirement (in light of the reception of Holy Communion during Easter requirement), though I didn’t phrase it in those terms. We only stayed briefly but as I was leaving I felt conflicted wondering whether NOW is the time to find out what’s going on with Mass attendance. And if this is indeed being neglected, that opens up more issues like scandal, and possible unworthy reception of Holy Communion (the times I have seen her at Mass, she receives). Meaning, that is more things to address.

That’s just one example, of one family member. And I can be scrupulous and one of my biggest fears is abstaining from Holy Communion out of doubt as to whether I am fulfilling my admonishment obligation.

PLEASE HELP. Clarification greatly appreciated.

 

[anruari]

I would recommend that you take a “Softly Softly” approach and look for a way to raise these topics without getting the other peoples backs up.

 

[agnes_therese]

I would recommend that you take a “Softly Softly” approach and look for a way to raise these topics without getting the other peoples backs up.

ESPECIALLY when you’re saying “I don’t know first hand,” and “I suspect.”

 

[Polycarp1]

I would recommend that you take a “Softly Softly” approach and look for a way to raise these topics without getting the other peoples backs up.

I agree. We have to remember "the log in your own eye"thing. And I think we have to discern whether our approach will lead someone closer to the Faith or drive them further away.

 

[Joe_5859]

You say “I can be scrupulous”. Please talk to your priest about this. In dealing with your scrupulosity, you might find that a question like this soon answers itself.

 

[dshix]

To the OP:

When “admonishing the sinner,” you must have one of these two in order to do so: Authority or Influence.

If you have neither, do not correct a person; it will have no use and will only serve to decrease you in their eyes.

If you have authority, correct gently and authoritatively; if you have influence, correct gently and carefully, so as not to lose your influence.

If you have both with the person which you need to correct, then you can look them right in the eye and correct them gently, but sternly, pointing out the mistake directly.

However, in all cases, be charitable.

 

[Rence]

Truthfully AnaV, your post makes me glad I don’t live near or around any other Catholics … please discuss your post with your confessor.

 

[Bookcat]

And I can be scrupulous and one of my biggest fears is abstaining from Holy Communion out of doubt as to whether I am fulfilling my admonishment obligation.

PLEASE HELP. Clarification greatly appreciated.

In terms of such – it is important to have a *“regular confessor” *who can give you direction in such matters…