Admonishing the sinner kindly and effectively: sex before marriage

[Trebor135]

The other day, I was talking to a lifelong friend who goes to church with her parents mostly because she feels obligated to. Sex before marriage came up, and my friend said that she’s had it and doesn’t see a problem with doing so as long as the two parties are committed to one another, so it can have real meaning. Of the ideal of remaining chaste, she scoffed, “Get real.” Not that she was encouraging me to abandon a principle to which I hold firmly; she just meant it as a generic commentary on the Catholic viewpoint on this matter.

My friend also stated that she thought she was still a decent person and, because I didn’t want to seem judgmental, I replied, “Well, you aren’t running around encouraging people to have abortions.” My friend doesn’t feel she wants to be Catholic anymore, since she doesn’t accept the moral teachings involved; I commend this attitude, since too few people are intellectually honest enough to go there. Still, she’s receiving communion in objective mortal sin, and clearly doesn’t see a problem with what she’s done, so encouraging her to go to confession would be pointless.

If this comes up again, what on earth should I say? She’s a good friend, and I’m concerned for her spiritually. I’ll keep praying for her, but would like to know what I can say to get the wheels turning next time a situation like this arises. I don’t want to preach at anyone, but can’t stay silent on such an important issue either.

 

[Beth_Cecilia]

You don’t say how old your friend is. That ought to effect responses.

I do not understand why she “doesn’t feel she wants to be Catholic” but she receives communion. That seems odd.

 

[Trebor135]

You don’t say how old your friend is. That ought to effect responses.

I do not understand why she “doesn’t feel she wants to be Catholic” but she receives communion. That seems odd.

We’re both twenty-one.

My friend didn’t say that she takes communion, but I have no reason to believe she doesn’t. Based on our conversation, I would be shocked if anyone had bothered to tell her about what happens at consecration, and even if that isn’t the case, I don’t imagine she would believe it. Of transubstantiation, “That’s cannibalism!”, declared someone in my immediate family when the topic came up.

 

[catholicgirl08]

Hi!

I have been in a similar situation before–unfortunately you can’t make your friends believe what you believe. You can tell them how you feel–that you want to wait until you are married. The reasons why you would prefer to wait. But after you tell them–they know your feels on the subject–you have done all that you can do. You can only make your own choices and praying for her, like you are doing, is the best thing you can do.

You can’t really give your friend the strong faith which is what I believe gets me through the preasures from society that comes with waiting. However, you can pray that she becomes blessed with strong faith and you do have the advantage that she is going to church even if she doesn’t really want to be there.

Kim