Admonishing the Sinner Problem

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SnowAngels

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Hello!

I am a bit confused on what to do in this situation. I was reading some details about the Spiritual Work of Mercy of Admonishing the Sinner in the book, “The Dogma of Hell: How to Avoid Hell” by Fr. F.X. Schouppe, S.J., and Thomas A. Nelson. The books says that one is only obligated to admonish the sinner when we are certain that moral sin is involved, when we have reasonable hope of success, and when we can do so without a grave inconvenience to ourselves. Every three or four weeks, my Dad won’t go to confession, and when he does go, he’ll get Communion. He hasn’t been to confession in years, and I believe he said he doesn’t feel it is necessary. I know he is well aware of the teachings of the Church about skipping Church. I don’t say anything because I believe he would just get very mad at me, and he’d feel like I am placing myself up on a pedestal. I hate to see him receiving the Lord in a state of moral sin because it is hurting both him, and offending God, but I am not sure if I have the obligation to say anything. I know my saying anything wouldn’t do anything. A couple months back, I was urging him to come to confession, and he get very irritated with me and told me that he has free will, and he could do whatever he wants. To complicate things, I have several younger siblings (ages 12, 10, 7, and 5), and I know his random skipping of Mass is a very bad example for them. Whenever he skips, he always tells the 7 and 5 year olds that they can stay home with them, and what little kids wouldn’t just at the opportunity? My Dad is quite dominant in my family, so my Mom doesn’t say anything. I told my 7-year-old sister about the importance of going to Church, especially now that she has reached the age of reason. She will be getting her First Communion in April, and then she’ll have no excuse to skip. Any thoughts of recommendations would be appreciated! Thank you!
  • SnowAngels
 
Are you in a position to take your younger sister to Mass with you on a more regular basis? You could start with that step. Have you ever asked your dad why he does not want to go to confession or does not feel he has too?

Some people have had some pretty rotten experiences with this Sacrament. I was lucky and for the first years of my Catholic Life, I had a very excellent Confessor. But one time I had to go to confession at a different parish, and let’s just say I am glad that was not my initial experience with this Sacrament. Had it been I might still be struggling with the idea of going. The Priest was more interested in how long the line was outside, yelled at me for no apparent reason, didn’t let me finish, forgot to ask for an act of contrition or to give me a penance. I left in tears and got in another line to try again with another priest.

Perhaps the best you can do is lead by example, invite your siblings to join you whenever possible and speak cheerfully of the things you experience in Church.
 
Sadly, no. I don’t have my permit yet, and when I get it I know I won’t be allowed to drive my siblings around (my parents have made that clear in the past). My siblings know I go to Mass every Monday night along with Sunday, and they have all asked me why I enjoy it so much. I tell them in an excited way, and they kind of look at me like I’m crazy.

My Dad has said in the past that he wants to go to a priest that he has a good relationship with, and he feels comfortable with. The only problem is that he finds faults in all the priests we ever go to, and he dislikes all of them, even though we have an amazing pastor! The priest that does the regular confessions at my parish does a really good job, and my Dad has definitely been around when I’ve been praising him.

My siblings know they are always welcome to come to Mass with me on Monday nights. Once my 7-year-old sister came, and once my 10-year-old brother came and both times they left bored afterwards. The “problem” is that it is always a long procedure because I go to a Rosary beforehand and a Novena afterwards. They get jumpy, and don’t want to sit through the whole thing.

I don’t know if it is just the age, but my youngest sister who is 5 always starts out Mass by asking how many songs until the end. 😦
 
It is wonderful that you love your family so much 🙂

However, you have no authority in your family–this is all the responsibility of your parents. the best things you can do are to pray (and offer things up for) your family and to set a good example for them.

You might, if this is possible, invite your brothers and sisters individually to Mass and maybe a treat like an ice cream afterwards. Skip the Rosary and Novena when you do and mention that you will because you saw that was too long for them to sit still and pay attention. Do what you can to teach them about the Mass.

Don’t sound overly enthusiastic. The more enthused I sounded, the more my children staed away. Just show that this is a part of your life and that it makes you happy and helps you to behave better and (on a child’s level) grow in virtue.

Pray for your parents, but don’t try to talk with them. Be grateful that your father goes when he does, and remember that the Mass obligation doesn’t bind if one cannot attend. At the age of First Holy Communion, a child is not expected to get herself to Mass!

And discussing this with your pastor might be helpful to you as well. He will be able to give you more specific advice 🙂
 
SnowAngels, you’ve asked an answered your own question:
SnowAngels said:
one is only obligated to admonish the sinner when we are certain that moral sin is involved, when we have reasonable hope of success, and when we can do so without a grave inconvenience to ourselves.
Click to expand...
SnowAngels said:
I know my saying anything wouldn’t do anything.
Click to expand...
No, there is little you can do in terms of admonishing the sinner. Keep praying for all of them and continue to be the best example you can be to your siblings. Love and respect your father. God made this one of the commandments of the law, and God knows full well that many people have to cope with rotten parents (not that your dad is rotten, but you get the point).
 
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