Adoptee's Dilemna

[vindicated]

I was adopted and raised Catholic. I met my biological parents (now deceased) when I was thirty. (now 56) I am wondering as to what my obligation is, in this situation? I cannot seem to force myself to have an ongoing relationship with them. My two half-sisters, one older, and one younger, have been very welcoming, and have tried to form a bond with me, but it is simply not there. My paternal grandmother is still living, but the few times we have met and spoken on the phone have ended up in an argument, because she is Jehovah’s Witness, as well as her daughter. The younger sister is not religious. I feel that we have nothing in common, but I am feeling guilty for NOT feeling guilty! Other than praying for them, does God expect more? I would appreciate some CAF members thoughts and advice. Thanks!

 

[1ke]

I don’t think you have an obligation to be a regular part of their lives. I would not shut them out. Your grandmother will not be with your forever, at 56 you are quite lucky to still have a grandmother.

I know, however, that you think of your adoptive family as more of your “family” than your bio family.

Just try to maintain a line of communication with them. But no, you do not have to force yourself to be a part of their lives.

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

I was adopted and raised Catholic. I met my biological parents (now deceased) when I was thirty. (now 56) I am wondering as to what my obligation is, in this situation? I cannot seem to force myself to have an ongoing relationship with them. My two half-sisters, one older, and one younger, have been very welcoming, and have tried to form a bond with me, but it is simply not there. My paternal grandmother is still living, but the few times we have met and spoken on the phone have ended up in an argument, because she is Jehovah’s Witness, as well as her daughter. The younger sister is not religious. I feel that we have nothing in common, but I am feeling guilty for NOT feeling guilty! Other than praying for them, does God expect more? I would appreciate some CAF members thoughts and advice. Thanks!

Your adoptive family IS your family, as to what is owed to your biological family maintain a line of communication.

 

[Pax2u]

I don’t think you owe anything to your biological family except prayers and good wishes. Your adopted family is your family.

I think it’s totally up to you if you want to have them in your life or not, and either decision you make is ok with God as long as you aren’t harboring ill will. And it doesn’t sound like you are. Peace to you in your decision, whatever it is.

 

[robwar]

think of it this way, the only thing you have in common with these people is genetics. You also had a 30+ year break in the relationship with them. You also don’t have anything in common with them faith wise. Don’t feel bad that you do not feel or want some kind of ongoing relationship or contact. Wish them well, exchange christmas cards and don’t worry about it and as someone else said offer prayers for them. There seems to be some kind of myth out there for adoptees that if and when they contact their bio families that they can pick up the pieces in the relationship and become a big happy family again. Sometimes that is true but many times it isn’t and just because they share genetics doesn’t mean you are going to share anything else.

 

[tawny]

I was adopted and raised Catholic. I met my biological parents (now deceased) when I was thirty. (now 56) I am wondering as to what my obligation is, in this situation? I cannot seem to force myself to have an ongoing relationship with them. My two half-sisters, one older, and one younger, have been very welcoming, and have tried to form a bond with me, but it is simply not there. My paternal grandmother is still living, but the few times we have met and spoken on the phone have ended up in an argument, because she is Jehovah’s Witness, as well as her daughter. The younger sister is not religious. I feel that we have nothing in common, but I am feeling guilty for NOT feeling guilty! Other than praying for them, does God expect more? I would appreciate some CAF members thoughts and advice. Thanks!

Praying for you.

 

[vindicated]

Thank you all for your words of wisdom! I feel a lot better about it now. I hope that I was able to at least plant a seed of faith and hope in my father before he died.

 

[UnCatholicBride]

I say keep the door open. I’m in the same situation, though much younger than you. I have five half-siblings that I have varying degrees of relationships with. They’re definitely more of the Christmas/Birthday relatives than the “get together for Sunday dinner” family.

 

[robwar]

I say keep the door open. I’m in the same situation, though much younger than you. I have five half-siblings that I have varying degrees of relationships with. They’re definitely more of the Christmas/Birthday relatives than the “get together for Sunday dinner” family.

There is nothing wrong with having the Christmas card type relationship with people. It isn’t always possible to have the get together for Sunday dinner with everyone in your family as adults. But exchanging cards during Christmas keeps the door open and the relationship cordial and maybe that is all the relationship will be and that is ok.