Adoption: a question of timing & obligation

[malexburp]

This is my first time jumping into these forums, so here goes.

My husband & I have been married almost 6 years, 5 of which involved practicing NFP - successfully, or so we thought. After a full year of unsuccessfully TTC, it seems we could’ve just thrown our charts out the window long ago.
(Adding to the situational irony is that we’re not just NFP users, we’re teachers. It’s not so easy to promote openness to life and generosity toward children when, from external appearances, we don’t practice what we preach.)

Irony aside, we still have two options: adoption or (licit) infertility screening. We have an appointment for the latter in two months at a NaPro Technology doctor 4 hours from where we live. But without sounding overly pessimistic, I don’t feel psychologically safe placing all my eggs in that basket - no pun intended!

My husband has always been 110% on board with adoption. It took me a while to warm up to the idea, but with prayer and self-reflection, I’m right there with him now.
My question is this: if nothing comes of NaPro, are we morally obligated to pursue adoption in a timely manner? If we have the financial, emotional, and physical resources to adopt, is it sinful to delay the process?

If we have no grave reasons to avoid adopting, are we violating the call to be “open to life” by waiting a year or two to adopt?
(We plan to move out of state within that time period, so we’re also weighing the stressful impact on a newly adopted child. We’d be aiming for a grade-school child, not an infant.)

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

…are we morally obligated to pursue adoption in a timely manner? If we have the financial, emotional, and physical resources to adopt, is it sinful to delay the process?

The Church does not teach that married couples must have children. The Church does not teach that infertile couples must attempt adoptions.

Luna

 

[Em_in_FL]

You are under no obligation to adopt at all… let alone the timeline…

Being “open to life” is with regard to your marital sexuality… whether or not that leads to the blessing of children is often outside your control.

The Catechism says:
2379
The Gospel shows that physical sterility is not an absolute evil. Spouses who still suffer from infertility after exhausting legitimate medical procedures should unite themselves with the Lord’s Cross, the source of all spiritual fecundity. They can give expression to their generosity by adopting abandoned children or performing demanding services for others.

See? No timeline.
Pray… unite yourselves with the Lord’s Cross and He will lead you in HIS timing… which is always perfect.

 

[1ke]

My question is this: if nothing comes of NaPro, are we morally obligated to pursue adoption in a timely manner?

You aren’t morally obligated to adopt at all.

If we have the financial, emotional, and physical resources to adopt, is it sinful to delay the process?

Again, you aren’t obligated to adopt, period.

If you feel you are being called to adopt, and have discerned through prayer that this is God’s call for you, and yet you are resistant or wanting to delay it… then that is something to talk with your spiritual advisor/priest about. But it isn’t SINFUL to be reticent, even if you feel you have that calling from God.

If we have no grave reasons to avoid adopting, are we violating the call to be “open to life” by waiting a year or two to adopt?

Can you explain where your understanding of Church teaching on adoption is coming from? You aren’t obligated to adopt.

(We plan to move out of state within that time period, so we’re also weighing the stressful impact on a newly adopted child. We’d be aiming for a grade-school child, not an infant.)

Have you talked yet to an adoption agency? It can take time to adopt, and in many states there is a delay between placement and finalization of adoption. During that time period things like moving (especially out of state) might be prohibited.

I suggest you find out more about the technical side of adoption.

 

[malexburp]

Can you explain where your understanding of Church teaching on adoption is coming from? You aren’t obligated to adopt.

Have you talked yet to an adoption agency? It can take time to adopt, and in many states there is a delay between placement and finalization of adoption. During that time period things like moving (especially out of state) might be prohibited.

I suggest you find out more about the technical side of adoption.

Don’t worry, I’ve read at least a dozen books about the technical side. I’ve also contacted half a dozen agencies in the area. (Some are closed, others only service couples in their same county, and others are cost-prohibitive.) I know enough adoption logistics to recite them in my sleep.
I’m well aware of the placement/finalization discrepancy. We weren’t planning to move before finalization - just concerned with the emotional stress of moving *relatively *soon after finalization.

Didn’t mean to come across as semi-heretical… we’re just really passionate about our vocation to be parents and wanted to make absolutely sure we weren’t overlooking anything.

 

[1ke]

Didn’t mean to come across as semi-heretical… we’re just really passionate about our vocation to be parents and wanted to make absolutely sure we weren’t overlooking anything.

I hope I didn’t imply that you were being “semi-heretical”. That wasn’t my intent at all. I think you have enough stress going on in your life without putting additional burdens on yourself that the Church does not.

If you are called to adopt, it will all fall in to place as it is meant to be. Don’t worry about timelines. And certainly don’t worry about it being sinful if you put off adoption or even if you never adopt.