First of all, I, too am sorry about your struggles with infertility. These can be very trying and difficult times, but just remember that God has a special plan for you!
We struggled with infertility for four years and had three miscarriages. After the last miscarriage, I was so devastated and I didn’t want to continue with any infertility treatment (all we did was Clomid to stimulate ovulation). I knew morally we couldn’t do IVF or anything where we were manipulating the conception process. I looked at my husband, in tears, and said “I just want to be a mom! Let’s go for adoption.”
We have two adopted children, both received as tiny infants from the hospital. We went through a private adoption agency in our state. I know many states have adoption available through Catholic Social Services or Catholic Charities – you might want to check into that first. It was not available to us at the time, though now we have friends who adopted through them.
For us, going through the home study process made us feel very prepared for children. I think all parents should go through this process!
They often ask questions about how you were raised as a child, the type of discipline your parents used, what type do you think you’ll use, communication issues with you and your spouse, what if you disagree about how to handle situation with kids, how will you work it out, etc. A lot of work, but worth it!
All I can tell you is that I know in my heart that God always intended for these children to be part of our family. We often tell our children what wonderful gifts they are, and how God made sure we were together. My daughter (now 14!) was a little over two when we began the process for our second adoption. All along, she wanted a “baby brudder” and would pray for that every night. Sure enough, when she was 4, God brought her a brother! We kept trying to prepare her that it might be a girl, but all along she insisted it would be a boy!
We were fortunate enough to meet both birthmothers; our daughter’s at the hospital before we brought her home, our son’s a couple weeks after the birth. We wrote letters and sent pictures for the first 2-3 years, and I think it’s very helpful for the birthmoms to have the assurance that their children are loved and doing well. I know each situation is different, but my advice is to stay open to at least minimal communication with the b-mom. (We don’t know each other’s last names, addresses, phone numbers, etc. – it is all done through the agency). We remember their b-moms on Mothers Day, on their own birthdays, and during January when we thank God their b-moms chose life for them. Our nightly prayers always end with “Thank you for making us a family.”
Our children have cousins who are adopted, and we have several friends who have adopted children, so it’s not anything new or novel to them. When my daughter was 5, she was in a nursery at the YMCA, and was telling the woman in charge that she was special because she was adopted. This woman thanked me a few days later, because her own children were present at the time and had never heard of adoption, so they went to the library and got children’s books about it, talked about it, and every night when they said their prayers began thanking God that our kids had a good home!
Be open to God’s plan for your life, whatever that may be! Our Heavenly Father adopted us as His children, and He loves us more than we can imagine! He will bring you exactly the children He has always meant for you to have! You are in my prayers!
. We are both apparently healthy etc. & the drs. don’t know why we can’t conceive. We went as far as the fertility enhancement drugs, no gift or ivf. It took us a little while before we could consider adoption (2 months for me-2 years for hubby)!
It seemed like everyone we knew who was trying to adopt domestically was having alot of trouble, wait time or expense. Our girls are beautiful, healthy, intelligent wonderful people! We were drawn to China specifically because they have the one child policy. They are hard on women who become pregnant without government approval, forcing abortions & sterilization.
! We adopted our youngest in May 2003, so still pretty recent.
Interesting note on the ‘open adoptions’ experience. I’d love to hear more recent experiences.
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