Adoption to gay men

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I have also contacted the adoption agency in hopes that they could help, perhaps through counseling or if necessary going through the catalog of couples again but she will not answer or return their calls.
 
sarah_beth said:
I am in the process of seeking legal help but honestly my best hope is through prayer I believe. From everything I’ve come across my hands are tied as she and her boyfriend are legally free to choose. I am absolutely sick over all of this. I’m fearful of what lies ahead for this baby and there isn’t much time left.
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Instead of looking for ways to legally intervene against the gay couple look at ways to assist your daughter in her legal rights. It doesn’t sound like you have been in on any of the conversations with the couple that your daughter has chosen. Do you know anything about what each party has promised to do? Do you know what your daughter’s rights and responsibilities are? What does she think that this adoption will be like down the road? Will she have access to her child? How much and for how long? One wrong move on her part, or even the baby daddy’s, might get her cut off if there isn’t something legally binding. I know you want the right thing done here but you’re going to need to work with your daughter and her decision, instead of against her.
 
sarah_beth said:
I apologize for not responding sooner. I would also like to apologize for my wording. My daughter and her boyfriend were in fact a large part of the conversation. We just felt this issue involved so many, my daughter, her boyfriend, both of our families and most importantly the baby. We wanted all involved to be a part of the solution. I did find the adoption agency and we all participated in choosing potential adoptive parents but ultimately DD and her boyfriend chose the couple.

To address some responses, my husband and I have suggested adopting the baby ourselves but our daughter is staunchly against this. She claims it would be “weird” to have the baby so close and essentially be her little sister. My niece, her cousin, has also mentioned an interest in adopting the baby but my daughter refuses since she has her own biological children. :confused:

I have showed her literature about the problems of being raised by homosexuals, both religious and some pieces written directly from individuals who were raised by gay people. She just gets angry and refuses to talk about it. I’m afraid the liberal culture has convinced her that it is okay. And since the baby is a boy she isn’t overly concerned about the importance of a mother.

I am in the process of seeking legal help but honestly my best hope is through prayer I believe. From everything I’ve come across my hands are tied as she and her boyfriend are legally free to choose. I am absolutely sick over all of this. I’m fearful of what lies ahead for this baby and there isn’t much time left.
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I’m so sorry for assuming. I can only imagine how hard this is for you. Please know that I prayed for your little grandbaby at Mass today.
 
Dacinom said:
Please take a step back.

Unfortunately the relationship between you and your daughter seems to have become a bit confrontational over this issue and that is not a good thing. Your daughter is vulnerable and needs love, love and more love. You cannot win her over by statistics, legal arguments or Catholic church teaching but she needs love right now and LOTS of it.

This is a young pregnant woman who is in all likelihood nervous. She is probably scared about going through labor and delivery, she is probably nervous about her future with her boyfriend and she is (even though she might not admit it) apprehensive about giving her baby up for adoption because it is a huge thing to do. Everyone around her is hailing her as a champion for gay rights but deep down she is probably nervous about the adoption but may be afraid to say anything. The pressure on her must be astronomical.

Give your daughter a hug, tell her you love her. Take her out to lunch and tell her how much you remember when she was little and wonder if her baby will look like her. She needs love now, a lot of LOVE. Tell her that you are her mother and love her so very much. Tell her that you are proud of her for giving her baby life and not considering abortion. Tell her that you are concerned about the adoption, however because it is a huge decision you wish she would wait until the baby is born before she makes a final decision. Tell her how beautiful she is, tell her you can’t wait to hold her beautiful baby and kiss it. Your daughter needs a safe place to land when all of this chaos happens, make sure that your arms are the safe place she runs to. I am so sorry this is happening please be assured of my prayers.
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^^ This. I don’t think taking the confrontational route is working. She is basically a kid going through multiple things that are very adult. As a result she needs your support & love. She probably is nervous about it all, giving birth, giving her child up for adoption, what this all means for her teenage life. Despite the fact that her life will never be the same she’s still a teen and processing life that way. She may think if she doesn’t allow the uncles to adopt it will affect her relationship with her boyfriend, a relationship that may not last anyway but as a teen you of course want to think and do think it’ll last forever. You of course can’t bring that up though. I’d stop focusing on the fact that it’s a gay couple, and focus on the adoption as a whole. Like I said before, I’d say this same thing if the bf had an aunt & uncle looking to adopt. She needs to realize what this all means and you need to know what they’re offering her. I’d meet them with her if I were you in fact and see what she sees in them and is being offered and if that will/could change should they (your daughter and her bf) break up. I’d go in with an open mind, but above all I’d look to support her right now because she needs your support and love not more stress in an already stressful time. You’re in my prayers.
 
HDLSeanWileyTin said:
there is nothing wrong with being raised by a gay couple. a lot of them raise children and they do just fine. we’re getting rid of the old gender stereotypes that you can only have a mom and dad to be successful. many studies have shown otherwise.
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nature has designed humans to have parents of two genders. To deliberately deprive a child of the experience of having a mother and a father is child abuse. And a very selfish act on the part of the parents. I’m not saying that any group of adults can’t successfully raise children but this must be done for the maximum benefit of the child. Gay men renting women’s wombs to produce children for them to raise is cruel to the child.
 
gh4 said:
Here’s a really good article on the most recent statistics about children raised by gay or lesbian parents.
statistics
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Regnerus has sullied his own reputation and involvement with this topic. He’s not thought of as credible by anyone else in the field.
 
sarah_beth said:
I’m not quite sure where to start but here I go. My husband and I are Catholic and we have raised our children in the faith. We attend mass regularly, they go to Catholic schools and overall our faith is a large part of our life. I thought I was doing everything right until I found out my oldest daughter was pregnant. She is 17 now. Her boyfriend and his parents are Catholic as well. Obviously an abortion was out of the question. Collectively the boys parents, my husband and I discussed adoption and that seemed to be the resolution. We found a wonderful agency and a wonderful Catholic couple was picked. Now my daughter has decided against her original plan. She still wants the baby to be adopted but insists she doesn’t want ‘strangers’ raising the child. (She has communicated with the couple for months and met with them a handful of times. They adoption would even be open with pictures and updates). Now her and her boyfriend have announced they want his uncles to adopt the baby. That’s right, uncles! His homosexual uncle and his ‘husband’. My daughter knows homosexuality is a sin. I’ve tried to talk to her about the difficulties this child will face until I’m blue. We’ve prayed, we’ve had her speak to a Catholic counselor. She is rebelling hard. I am heartbroken for the innocent baby. I am heartbroken for this couple who were promised this baby. I’ve even mentioned the alternative of her keeping the baby and her father and I helping her until she gets settled into a career. She insists on the adoption with these gay men. I’m beyond frustrated. I need advice, I need help and I need prayers!
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I didn’t read all of the answers before replying, so sorry if this has already been said:
reading your story makes me think that this gay uncles scenario was sent to you as a great temptation - maybe the Lord wants you to keep the baby with you? So you have been given this horrible alternative of the 2 uncles in order for you all to wake up and see there is no better family for the child than yours?
The Lord spoke to you, you have to fight for your grandchild.
You are in my prayers.
 
I don’t know whether to post here or on a new thread. After many prayers and conversations my daughter promised to just reconsider her options. She is struggling with emotions and hormones, understandably and tries to avoid conversations about the baby at all costs. It did seem as if things were getting better temporarily but she is in the process of making a birth plan and informed me I would not be allowed in the delivery room but that the homosexual “fathers” would be. I’m devastated. She says she wants them to be there for the birth of their child. She now says she isn’t backing down, she wants these men to adopt her son, my grandson. I am at a loss. She is very close to her due date and at this point all I know to ask for is prayers.
 
oh sure. like it’s gonna be that bad. seriously people, get over it.
 
those men aren’t doing anything wrong. they are the way they are, and there’s nothing wrong with it. they need to be able to cope with the way they are just like you cope with having a disability, and there’s nothing wrong with that so long as they remain monogamous and god-fearing. and yes you can be in a homosexual relationship that is monogamous and god-fearing.
 
now if they were being polygamous, sex-based and not worshipping god, then yes i could understand how that particular homosexual relationship would be wrong, but some aren’t wrong.
 
There’s not really any point debating anything connected to this, using the much overused “but better an orphan have someone care for them” example as the base we all know the answer. The Catholic Church would much prefer the orphan to remain in the orphanage. I can’t remember the quote exactly but Cardinal Newman is attributed with the statement that it would be better for the stars to go out, the world to end, for all humanity to die than a single sin to be committed. (If anyone could furnish me with the source and a full correct version I’d be very much indebted and appreciative).

Cardinal Burke also recently claimed that it was “grave sin” for children to be exposed to homosexual relatives, and they should be excluded from all family events less “scandal” be created.

A Catholic Child raised by a homosexual couple is very unlikely to come to condemn the lifestyle of his parents, something as a Catholic he would be obliged to do. The Catholic Church wills it that all convert to Catholicism, so there can be no room for errors that would impede this conversion.

The Catholic Church understands that the child may be in a very unpleasant adoption center, but it’s far more important to the Catholic Church that the child is not exposed to sin. Not too long ago under the advice from Thomas Aquinas thought it was better to execute unbelievers than to “let them infect the rest”, while the willingness to use Capital Punishment may have waned the general sentiment behind it is still there. Sin cannot be tolerated, it must be purged and cast out.

Catholics are to engage situations compassionately, but preventing sin always trumps all other considerations (one can find many debates involving Catholics and non-believers on youtube on the HIV/Contraception issue that refer to this point often.).

Just as a disclaimer, no I don’t agree with this. And it probably doesn’t take a PhD in Philosophy to work out why.
 
sarah_beth said:
I don’t know whether to post here or on a new thread. After many prayers and conversations my daughter promised to just reconsider her options. She is struggling with emotions and hormones, understandably and tries to avoid conversations about the baby at all costs. It did seem as if things were getting better temporarily but she is in the process of making a birth plan and informed me I would not be allowed in the delivery room but that the homosexual “fathers” would be. I’m devastated. She says she wants them to be there for the birth of their child. She now says she isn’t backing down, she wants these men to adopt her son, my grandson. I am at a loss. She is very close to her due date and at this point all I know to ask for is prayers.
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Thank you for updating us. I’m so sorry. I can imagine how difficult this must be for you. I’ll offer more prayers for this situation. :gopray:

St. Gerard Majella, pray for this family.
St. Anne, pray for this family.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for this family.
 
gracepoole said:
Regnerus has sullied his own reputation and involvement with this topic. He’s not thought of as credible by anyone else in the field.
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:rolleyes:

That’s just because he doesn’t go out of his way to show that so-called gay “marriage” good to the family, including children.

It’s funny, really, because if their personal relationships were so high and mighty, why would they care about his research? What are they so afraid of?

Also, in this day and age, being thought of as not credible by left-wing academia running wild on human emotion and getting revenge on the alledgely “conservative” bullies of the distant past is more of a compliment. 😃
 
I mean absolutely no offense to the OP, in fact my heart goes out to her… But this situation reminds me of why our family has had for generations a policy towards our kids of “I don’t want you to, but if you ever do get pregnant, we’re here for you and we’ll help you take care of the baby”…

My daughter is only 10 but she already knows that if she were to become a pregnant teenager, she would have emotional, physical and financial support from me and her grandma.

It’s our attempt at preventing abortions and giving relatives up for adoption. Just something for other moms to think about.

To the OP: I really hope it all turned out for the best. Has the baby been born yet?
 
gardenswithkids said:
It occurs to me that your daughter may consciously or subconsciously realize that if she allows these two men to adopt her child, the child will not know a mother. Perhaps your daughter doesn’t really want her child to have a mother who isn’t her. Giving her child to another woman to raise would replace your daughter as the child’s mother. It may indicate that in her heart she wants to be the child’s mother and not let some other woman have the privilege.

Prayers for this situation. :gopray:
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This post has possibly hit an even unconscious desire by your daughter. I would concur with this wise perceptive comment. Others have suggested the alternative of keeping the child under the care of a loving extended family of grandparents with the mother maintaining her position of authority over her own child.
To allow the child to be raised in even a loving homosexual environment is unconscionable to most thinking Catholics as such a scenario robs the child of a true mother.
Pray to Our Blessed Mother that she may have a word to Our Lord to find the correct solution to this quandary. St. Gerard Majella is also a Saint of strength in these situations.
 
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