Adoption

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JMSM97

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My husband and I are close to completing our adoption classes, and we are very excited when we get that future phone call. Since we have been unable to have any children of our own, we have discussed with both of our families the welcoming of a child into our home. My husband’s family are ecstatic. My siblings have expressed their “open arms” with the adopting process; however, my parents have been unable to accept that it because the child is not “part of the family”. I am pulling my hair about this, and still don’t have any more words to express to my parents. Any guidance or words I can tell them? Anyone there adoptive parents?
 
Tell them what a gift you can be to that child. We can of course never know what the future is, but God is putting a particular child in your life for a very specific reason. Your gift will be providing for them as best you can, and giving them a strong faith to stand on. Adoption is one of the most special things that can be given to a child. I will contact you with more ideas, and you are most definately in my prayers!
 
my advice is to not make a big deal out of their response. We adopted a baby girl almost 8 years ago. My family felt the same way, including my inlaws but as soon as they held our daughter, it was over and they were all in love. She’s a great kid and I know everyone in our family loves her dearly. My sister in law was so encouraged by everyone’s response that she went to Russia and brought home another baby girl.

Hope this helps
 
I was adopted, so I can only speak from that perspective. I can tell you that it’s hard enough being adopted, and hopefully this won’t make it harder.

My guess is that they’ll end up loving your baby, however. I know that I’ve talked to, for example, people who married outside of their race. Their parents were prejudiced, but ended up being the best grandparents to their biracial grandchild, and totally getting over their hangups.

Who can resist a baby? I say, give them time. If they don’t come around, I imagine they’ll end up seeing less of you at Christmas, but probebly all will be well.
 
I have two adopted children, 11 and 6. My mother is a cold hearted woman who was going to be a hard sell. She melted when she held my first son and they have become very close. My father was one of those blood people. He never really warmed up, but he doesn’t have much to do with my sisters natural kids either. My wife’s parents are a older hispanic family, where all children are welcome, but blood is important. My children are closer to them than any of their other 8 natural grand kids or 3 great grand kids. My father in law nearly went to blows with one of his friends that once mentioned that my kids were not blood. I never thought he would respond as he did, but it is quite clear that he loves my children. I would strongly suggest that, while pleasing your family is very important, you make your own nest. You are the parent and you will have to protect your children from all harm. If your family pose a threat to them in an emotional way, let them know that it will not be tolerated. I would guess that your family will be very supportive of your choice and the child will be received with open arms. My kids are very normal and being adopted is not an issue with them (yet). We chose an open adoption, which is a different subject altogether. But, I think that they need to know all the truth. My prayers are with you…
 
By our baptism we are all adopted sons of God. If adoption is good is good enough for God, it is good enough for me. We have 2 adopted children, they became members of our family long before we adopted them when we prayed for them. Each child is made in the image and likeness of God, that is what is important not genetics. It is God that places children in our lives, however they get there. Hope this helps.
 
It’s nice to be idealist about adoption, but blood does matter, and that reality will always be under the surface. I think it’s important not to pretend too much in adoption. The adoptee will be a questioning teenager before you know it, wondering about his/her identity, ethnic background etc.

Also, blood matters more to some than others. Hopefully, though, everyone will behave immpecably, but eventually the adoptee will feel left out in some way, it’s just a fact of life.

I never felt like I belonged anywhere and carry that feeling with me to this day…
 
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WhiteDove:
I never felt like I belonged anywhere and carry that feeling with me to this day…
I can definately understand where you’re coming from, but I hope you can find some sense of self and remember if nothing else you belong to God above all things!
 
Yes, in God there is the ultimate belonging and acceptance. The psalms reflect God’s solace to us in times of utter despair. I was talking more of everyday, worldly feelings of non-belonging. But lack of those can make one appreciate the comfort of God even more.
 
I would suggest you pray for the intercession of St. Joseph. After all he was the adoptive father of Jesus here on earth.
I believe he’ll help you in very special way.
 
I just wanted to say God Bless you!! I gave up two children for adoption and I am so grateful to those who desire to adopt children. To White Dove-- I am sorry for your sense of not belonging… I worry about that for those children I gave up for adoption, but the children we now have know and pray for the their half brother and sister- so that they will hopefully always feel welcome if they ever desire to come looking… I know with certainty that I would never have been able to be a mom to those children I gave up for adoption- I had been raped at aa young age and really struggled with my mental health for a long time…I wanted those children yo have a mom and dad who could provide a stable, unconditionally loving environment for those children- rather than the upheavel and insanity of my life…

God Bless all of you adoptive parents!! And to the OP-- I wouldn’t worry about your mom- she’ll love the heck outta the baby when he or she comes!! (It’s the was I feel about criticism of having more children- they can say whatever they want, but when the baby is born they’ll love the baby head over heels!!)
 
Congratulations on your decision to adopt! We have two adopted children, both of whom we received as tiny babies. They are now 14 and 10! While most of our family members have been wonderful, we have also come across some opposition. Most of this melts away as the child comes into the family, and in many cases, we even forget they are adopted (like when I take them to the doctor and they ask about heredity!).

Some will never understand, especially if they don’t know families who have adopted. It takes great love for both the adoptive family and the birthmother, and talking about it openly with your family, and with your child as he/she grows older is very important. We remember their birthmothers often in our family prayers, especially around their birthdays and Mothers Day and in January when we remember all the innocent babes who have died through abortion.

Stay positive and loving, and your family members will follow! I agree with praying to Saint Joseph, who loved Jesus as his own. God will bring you exactly the baby you are meant to have as part of your family and that He has known would be your child even before the world began! Isn’t Our Heavenly Father gracious and loving to us, his adopted children?!

God bless,
Didi
Portland, OR
 
God Bless you in your choice to open your hearts and home to adoption. I am a birth mother, I gave my precious baby girl up almost 21 yrs ago. As to your parents, my only advice is to keep praying for them, constantly, everytime you think of them say a prayer for God to help them accept you choice to adopt, and that they will love any and all the children that He blesses you with, how ever He gives them to you.

May I also suggest you listen to a CD, Lynn Cooper’s “Songs From the Rocking Chair”. There are three songs on the CD, and all of them are about adoption. I think they are so beautiful, the 1st is for the adoptive parents, the 2nd, is the birth mother, and the last “Just Imagine” is from the feelings of a adopted child. I had the honor of meeting Lynn a few weeks ago at the Women of Grace conference in Orlando. She is a child of adoption, and has also been a labor & delivery nurse. Lynn is a gifted vocalist and song writer, and one of the most truly beautiful people I have or ever will meet in this lifetime.
Linda H.
 
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