Adoption?

[Suz21]

Considering that there are so many orphans and abandoned children in the world, don’t you think that we should adopt children instead of only bearing many children of our own? If we adopt AND bear, and then use NFP, and (really) can’t afford any more, is that grave reason? And is that fulfilling His purpose of the sacrament of marriage? Here in India, there are so many abandoned babies. Isn’t it our duty as Christians to offer them a place in our home as far as possible?

 

[1ke]

Considering that there are so many orphans and abandoned children in the world, don’t you think that we should adopt children instead of only bearing many children of our own?

This is an individual discernment process. We cannot make blanket statements for everyone. If you are called to adopt in addition to having children, then follow that calling.

If we adopt AND bear, and then use NFP, and (really) can’t afford any more, is that grave reason? And is that fulfilling His purpose of the sacrament of marriage?

Only the individual couple can discern just reasons, and if you have doubts then consult your priest.

Here in India, there are so many abandoned babies. Isn’t it our duty as Christians to offer them a place in our home as far as possible?

Yes, we do have a duty to the children (which can be lived out in various ways) and also to work towards social change so that women do not feel compelled to abandon their babies.

 

[Truly_Beloved]

Considering that there are so many orphans and abandoned children in the world, don’t you think that we should adopt children instead of only bearing many children of our own?

I have never adopted, but this is what I understand of the adoption process in the U.S.

Where I live, adoption is very expensive and can take many years to complete. There is a screening process used by social workers, and not all families meet the criteria for adoption. Adoption is very difficult here for some families.

For many people in the U.S., if fertile couples made a habit of adopting children, there would be many infertile couples who would never have the opportunity to adopt.

These are some of the practical reasons why my husband and I have decided, for now, not to adopt any children. If it’s in God’s plan for us to adopt, I’m sure He’ll make His wishes known to us.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Adoption is certainly a praiseworthy option.

However, if you and your spouse are able to have children of your own, why not? There are so many couples who would love to be able to have children but cannot.

If I were you I would focus on having your biological children. Then, if you still feel called, consider adopting a darling into your lives.

It could be too that you might not be able to have children of your own, and God is opening your hearts to this idea early. Then again, He might want you to have your children first, and then adopt as well.

**He will let you know. But, no, I don’t think using NFP indefinitely in place of having your own children, or only one of your own children, is a good idea, and might possibly be selfishness disguised under “charity.” **

 

[gmarie21]

Suz21, as an adoptee, I feel as you do (wanting both adopted and biological children). I also feel that many more couples should seriously look into adopting children from other countries. I would love to adopt a child from any country. Too many people in the United States want to adopt babies that look like them hence why there is usually a few year waiting list. If I could afford to adopt internationally, I would in a heartbeat. Heck, if I had the money I’d adopt and raise as many international children as possible. I know what a difference it made for me (I was adopted in the US as a baby) to be raised by my parents instead of in the abusive and alcoholic home that my biological half-siblings were raised in.

 

[StephanieC]

Suz21,

Truly Beloved had started this thread a while back, and I remember there being some discussion dealing specifically with your question.

1ke answered your question from a moral/theological basis; perhaps you might enjoy reading through the thread above and getting some personal perspective on the issue.

God bless,

StephanieC.

 

[Teakafrog]

There is also just the practical side of the issue. India is one of the countries it is hardest for an American to adopt from. We checked into many different international programs, and many countries just simply do not allow Americans to adopt their children. If they do, many of them have fees and travel requirements that make it nearly impossible for most people to afford it.

After all our research, we decided to adopt domestically, but were open to any race, and got a child that looks nothing like us. In fact, people ask us all the time, “What country is she from?” We answer, “Mississippi” (one of our states).

But if these other countries would make adoption legal for Americans, and not as difficult and expensive, then there would absolutely be more children from around the world adopted by Americans. We would still love to adopt another child from a different country, but just can’t.

 

[ChinaDad]

Suz21,

I think you and your husband need to pray about this issue and do what is right for you, and pray that God will lead and guide you to what He wants you to do.

One thing my wife and I have always said is that people should not adopt out of social conscience. You should adopt because of your love of children, not because you think you should. We have seen people who have adopted because of “social conscience” and because of what the world will think (believing that people will think more of them if they adopt), and at some point we believe their children will know that.

Would you want to be a child who found out that you were adopted because it was the right thing to do, or would you want parents who adopted you because they wanted to love you?

That’s not to say these people don’t love their children, they do, but how will their children see it…

ChinaDad
(Father to two of the most beautiful girls in all of the world…that look nothing like me).

CHINESE PROVERB
An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle but will never break.

 

[kage_ar]

We would have loved to adopt - and had planned on it early in our marriage. It is simply too expensive. May the Lord bless all the children who need homes.

 

[redpepper]

After all our research, we decided to adopt domestically, but were open to any race, and got a child that looks nothing like us. In fact, people ask us all the time, “What country is she from?” We answer, “Mississippi” (one of our states).

But if these other countries would make adoption legal for Americans, and not as difficult and expensive, then there would absolutely be more children from around the world adopted by Americans. We would still love to adopt another child from a different country, but just can’t.

It is not just Americans who are having problems with intercountry adoptions. All European countries have such small number of children available for adoption that couples have to wait to adopt for years and many of them would pay gladly for it. Domestic adoption in the USA might be expensive but it is not as difficult as in other countries.
One reason why US citizens might experience difficulties with international adoption is that the USA has not ratified a Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption.

 

[aurora77]

We are all called to help widows and orphans in our own way–if for you that means adoption, go for it!! DH and I are in the process of adopting through our state’s foster care system.

Everyone is called to have a different number of children, called to give birth to them, or adopt. It’s a matter of discerning God’s will for you. Every family is different.

 

[Suz21]

This is an individual discernment process. We cannot make blanket statements for everyone. If you are called to adopt in addition to having children, then follow that calling.

Only the individual couple can discern just reasons, and if you have doubts then consult your priest.

Yes, we do have a duty to the children (which can be lived out in various ways) and also to work towards social change so that women do not feel compelled to abandon their babies.

Thanks 1ke, you’ve given the Catholic POV of our moral obligation i guess… but I still don’t totally understand why ALL catholics do not at least CONSIDER adoption if it is possible.

 

[Suz21]

I have never adopted, but this is what I understand of the adoption process in the U.S.

Where I live, adoption is very expensive and can take many years to complete. There is a screening process used by social workers, and not all families meet the criteria for adoption. Adoption is very difficult here for some families.

For many people in the U.S., if fertile couples made a habit of adopting children, there would be many infertile couples who would never have the opportunity to adopt.

These are some of the practical reasons why my husband and I have decided, for now, not to adopt any children. If it’s in God’s plan for us to adopt, I’m sure He’ll make His wishes known to us.

Here in India there are definitely enough children to go around It is also expensive here, but I just felt that we should at least try. If it is God’s plan, it will work out.

 

[Suz21]

However, if you and your spouse are able to have children of your own, why not? There are so many couples who would love to be able to have children but cannot.

Convert, in India, there are PLENTY of babies. Even if I can have babies, I’d love to be able to include in my home some babies who’ll never have the opportunity to have one of their own.

If I were you I would focus on having your biological children. Then, if you still feel called, consider adopting a darling into your lives.

I just think that we should at least CONSIDER the option of adoption.

It could be too that you might not be able to have children of your own, and God is opening your hearts to this idea early. Then again, He might want you to have your children first, and then adopt as well.

That may be so

He will let you know. But, no, I don’t think using NFP indefinitely in place of having your own children, or only one of your own children, is a good idea, and might possibly be selfishness disguised under “charity.”

I don’t totally understand this- how could it be selfishness to have children that may not be your biologically? It take the same amount of work to bring up non-biological children- it’s only pregnancy and childbirth you’re missing.

 

[Suz21]

Suz21, as an adoptee, I feel as you do (wanting both adopted and biological children). I also feel that many more couples should seriously look into adopting children from other countries. I would love to adopt a child from any country. Too many people in the United States want to adopt babies that look like them hence why there is usually a few year waiting list. If I could afford to adopt internationally, I would in a heartbeat. Heck, if I had the money I’d adopt and raise as many international children as possible. I know what a difference it made for me (I was adopted in the US as a baby) to be raised by my parents instead of in the abusive and alcoholic home that my biological half-siblings were raised in.

that’s lovely… you really have a big open heart, huh?
I had read this lovely story in a Reader’s Digest some years ago about an American family in Haiti who were given abandoned or deformed babies, and they just kept taking them in. And finally they manged to come back to the States and they had a family of about 20 kids including their own. Pretty inspiring.

 

[Suz21]

Suz21,

Truly Beloved had started this thread a while back, and I remember there being some discussion dealing specifically with your question.

1ke answered your question from a moral/theological basis; perhaps you might enjoy reading through the thread above and getting some personal perspective on the issue.

God bless,

StephanieC.

Thanks, Stephanie- that was a good thread.

 

[Suz21]

There is also just the practical side of the issue. India is one of the countries it is hardest for an American to adopt from. We checked into many different international programs, and many countries just simply do not allow Americans to adopt their children. If they do, many of them have fees and travel requirements that make it nearly impossible for most people to afford it.

After all our research, we decided to adopt domestically, but were open to any race, and got a child that looks nothing like us. In fact, people ask us all the time, “What country is she from?” We answer, “Mississippi” (one of our states).

But if these other countries would make adoption legal for Americans, and not as difficult and expensive, then there would absolutely be more children from around the world adopted by Americans. We would still love to adopt another child from a different country, but just can’t.

Yeah, in general adoption is practically tough… and it’s great that you HAVE not only researched but actually adopted. Have you heard that adopted babies start looking like the family that adopted them? Maybe it’s the expressions or something…

 

[Suz21]

I think you and your husband need to pray about this issue and do what is right for you, and pray that God will lead and guide you to what He wants you to do.

Well, I haven’t met my future husband yet, but I will be sure to do that.

One thing my wife and I have always said is that people should not adopt out of social conscience. You should adopt because of your love of children, not because you think you should. We have seen people who have adopted because of “social conscience” and because of what the world will think (believing that people will think more of them if they adopt), and at some point we believe their children will know that. Would you want to be a child who found out that you were adopted because it was the right thing to do, or would you want parents who adopted you because they wanted to love you?That’s not to say these people don’t love their children, they do, but how will their children see it…

Yes, my mum also says ‘Never do anything out of guilt’. But it’s possible to feel you should adopt and at the same time have a big open heart for children. (That’s me )

I’m just saying that we should ALL think of adoption at least as an option… not just as charity, but out of love that Jesus has inspired in us. It’s like the religious orders… not all of us are called to enter them, but we should at least think of it as an option, and then ask the Lord to give us specific guidance.

 

[Suz21]

We would have loved to adopt - and had planned on it early in our marriage. It is simply too expensive. May the Lord bless all the children who need homes.

 

[Suz21]

We are all called to help widows and orphans in our own way–if for you that means adoption, go for it!! DH and I are in the process of adopting through our state’s foster care system.

Everyone is called to have a different number of children, called to give birth to them, or adopt. It’s a matter of discerning God’s will for you. Every family is different.

Yeah, I think that’s a good response- we are all called to help widows and orphans… and everyone else who needs help and love. I guess I started this thread partly because I felt everyone’s having so many babies that they don’t care about the rest of the world.