Adoration not going well

[rsbsa]

I keep two scheduled Holy hours per week in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament.

The hours began because I felt drawn, and at my first session the coordinator gushed about the benefits I would see in my life.

I’ve been going for 8 months or so and I’ve never been so full of hate in my life. I hate God, I hate me, I hate you, I hate everyone. Seething hate. Continuing to go seems stupid, I don’t like being there anymore. Supposedly, God is love, but I know he hates me in return.

If my coordinator asks why I’m quitting, am I obligated to tell him?

 

[ServusHumilis]

While I’m no expert it sounds like it could be scrupulosity. If that’s what it is I believe the key is to try and find ways to shift your thoughts to something more positive. Try reading or just doing something else with yourself to change your thoughts. Once you’ve in your mind rejected the negative thoughts and move on to different thoughts by doing something else, you should find they’ll come around less often. Going to confession often/having a regular spiritual director is a good idea. You’ll be in my prayers.

 

[Tablefor9]

Obligated, no, I suppose not; I would though, it can only help you.

Sounds like poison being drawn from a wound, to me, and your Spiritual Director may have other resources to facilitate your healing.

I’ll say a prayer for you this morning:

Saint Michael the Archangel defend us in battle. Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly host, by the Divine Power of God thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.
Amen.

 

[oldgraymare2]

Hi rsbsa,

I agree with ServusHumilus.

When you go to Adoration, I would do something to take your mind off of your thoughts.

When I would go, I would vary what I did during my time there. I had different prayer books with me and different spiritual books that I would use and read. I would also get up and pray the Stations of the Cross, too.

I also had a Rosary with me and I would pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet, too.

These are just some examples of the things that I did during the times that I went.

 

[InspiritCarol]

You must confess this hate.
It is coming between you and God.
Do not make any excuses to not go to confession right away and I will pray that you have a confessor that recognizes that you need deliverance prayer.

Run, do not walk, to the nearest confessor.

 

[Genevieve_II]

While I’m no expert it sounds like it could be scrupulosity. If that’s what it is I believe the key is to try and find ways to shift your thoughts to something more positive. Try reading or just doing something else with yourself to change your thoughts. Once you’ve in your mind rejected the negative thoughts and move on to different thoughts by doing something else, you should find they’ll come around less often. Going to confession often/having a regular spiritual director is a good idea.

Agree. I’m also struggling with Eucharistic Adoration, because my scrupulosity tells me that I have to pray a certain way. Then, I dread it. Instead of the formal prayers that I felt I needed to say, a priest once instructed me to pray a little differently for awhile - just to stop and thank God for little things several times throughout the day. It’s helped a great deal with the “I hate my life” feelings. I hope and pray that things start to look up for you. God Bless!

 

[Simca]

I agree with all the posts here.

Sometimes when I go to Adoration, I’m in such a bad mood that I don’t talk to God at all. I just sit and read prayers.

Other times my heart praises Him.

Our emotions are so unpredictable. Sometimes I have to ask God to change my emotions because on my own, it just doesn’t work.

You don’t have to discuss this with your spiritual director or a priest, but it might help.

I’ll pray for you.

 

[tawny]

I keep two scheduled Holy hours per week in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament.

The hours began because I felt drawn, and at my first session the coordinator gushed about the benefits I would see in my life.

I’ve been going for 8 months or so and I’ve never been so full of hate in my life. I hate God, I hate me, I hate you, I hate everyone. Seething hate. Continuing to go seems stupid, I don’t like being there anymore. Supposedly, God is love, but I know he hates me in return.

If my coordinator asks why I’m quitting, am I obligated to tell him?

You are under no obligation to tell him, but if you want, you can just say that at this time the spirit isn’t moving you to do so. It’s ok to stay away for a time. Instead you can be reading bible verses and saying the rosary. If your feelings do not improve; you may want to speak with a priest.

 

[WaitingForJesus]

rbsa, you have no obligation to tell the coordinator why you are quitting. But, I remember you. You have been having these struggles for a long time now. I think you should talk to a priest about all this.

I know what it is like to hate God. I hated him for most of my life because he took my father at a very young age. The first thing I confessed when I reconciled was that hate because I felt that in one way or another it had contributed to virtually ever other serious sin I committed (and there were many). I needed to find a way to forgive so that God’s love could come in. I was fortunate enough to find good things to read as well as a priest that could help me to understand all that.

I am praying that you will find someone who can help you too.

 

[rsbsa]

You must confess this hate.
It is coming between you and God.
Do not make any excuses to not go to confession right away and I will pray that you have a confessor that recognizes that you need deliverance prayer.

Run, do not walk, to the nearest confessor.

I have confessed it, repeatedly. At this point it feels trite and I’m so hate filled that I honestly don’t know if I still have remorse or not. Not only that, but in all seriousness, when a priest hears “I hate humanity with a passion and I’m sorry” every other week, at what point will he no longer offer absolution?

 

[rsbsa]

rbsa, you have no obligation to tell the coordinator why you are quitting. But, I remember you. You have been having these struggles for a long time now. I think you should talk to a priest about all this.

I know what it is like to hate God. I hated him for most of my life because he took my father at a very young age. The first thing I confessed when I reconciled was that hate because I felt that in one way or another it had contributed to virtually ever other serious sin I committed (and there were many). I needed to find a way to forgive so that God’s love could come in. I was fortunate enough to find good things to read as well as a priest that could help me to understand all that.

I am praying that you will find someone who can help you too.

WaitingForJesus, I’m sorry about your father and it’s good to know that you have worked through your stuff. You’ve always been really kind, kinder than I deserve. And I thank you for that and your prayers, but I don’t really want help at this point. Sometimes we are too far gone. I just want to be done with this obligation.

 

[Tablefor9]

You must confess this hate.
It is coming between you and God.
Do not make any excuses to not go to confession right away and I will pray that you have a confessor that recognizes that you need deliverance prayer.

Run, do not walk, to the nearest confessor.

There may be things here beyond your control. Sometimes people have reasons in childhood to be filled with anger and hurt, and it festers til the bitterness and hatred spews over into every aspect of life. For this, counseling may be the key. There are other things, though, that feed on hatred, and this poster alludes to it, please re-read the bolder text.

Please keep seeking help. Don’t despair of forgiveness.

May the holy cross be my light! May the dragon never be my guide.
…
Begone Satan! Never tempt me with your vanities! What you offer me is evil. Drink the poison yourself!

 

[fred_conty]

I keep two scheduled Holy hours per week in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament.

The hours began because I felt drawn, and at my first session the coordinator gushed about the benefits I would see in my life.

I’ve been going for 8 months or so and I’ve never been so full of hate in my life. I hate God, I hate me, I hate you, I hate everyone. Seething hate. Continuing to go seems stupid, I don’t like being there anymore. Supposedly, God is love, but I know he hates me in return.

If my coordinator asks why I’m quitting, am I obligated to tell him?

“…I’ve never been so full of hate in my life. I hate God, I hate me, I hate you, I hate everyone.”

Sounds to me that you have a thorn in your soul. It isn’t just God, it’s just that you hate. That is just pure anger about something. Whatever it is you should discuss your anger with someone and try to get to the bottom of it.

May God our Father give you grace and peace.

 

[WaitingForJesus]

WaitingForJesus, I’m sorry about your father and it’s good to know that you have worked through your stuff. You’ve always been really kind, kinder than I deserve. And I thank you for that and your prayers, but I don’t really want help at this point. Sometimes we are too far gone. I just want to be done with this obligation.

Is OK to drop the obligation. But, please keep trying to work things out with God. If you are angry with him tell him why and ask him to give you the grace you need to forgive so you can leave all this anger and hurt at the foot of the cross. Our Lord loves you so much…he wants to fill your soul with love.