Adult Men

[kib]

I guess I should start out by saying that I am a 24 year old man.

Since beginning my life in the professional world I have had the opportunity to meet many people, both professional and blue collar workers. It has been my experience that the vast majority of adult men have one thing on their minds- sex. I can’t get through one day without a coworker, client, or student talking about sex (I am an occupational health and safety consultant and educator). Nearly every day someone mentions the new strip club in Harrisburg (I live a few miles outside of the city) called Savannah’s. If we have a woman in class my co workers comment on whether or not she is “hot” and sometimes say what they want to “do” to her. We spend a lot of time on the road and have business lunches often. During these lunches, crude comments are almost always made about the waitresses. Whenever I mention spending time with my girlfriend or a female friend, my co workers imply that I had sex with them. They often tell me that because my girlfriend and I live in different zip codes I wouldn’t technically be cheating on her if I have sex with random women. One of my co workers told me about the threesome he was planning to have one weekend with his current girlfriend and a random woman he met in a bar, all while still legally married to his third wife.

I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, I guess I have just always assumed conversations like this ended after puberty. It can be very lonely in the workplace when you have to deal with people like this every day.

I am losing faith in adult men. I can remember when I was younger my dad’s friends would make sexual comments about women. My dad never said anything like that, probably just because I was there. What a depressing world we live in.

Does anyone else have to deal with this?

 

[SarahR]

I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, I guess I have just always assumed conversations like this ended after puberty.

Same here. I guess I didn’t think most guys still spoke like you described. Sad.

 

[sanctamaria17]

As a woman, I’d say women do the same thing. Unfortunately, society is much more crude than it used to be.

Even though my father is not a practicing Catholic and is more liberal about sexual morals, cheating is a reprehensible crime to him and he doesn’t like people talking about their sex lives. I was raised to be more conservative about that, even before I formally entered the Church (and honestly, it’s gross…I’ve lost so much respect for a ton of men because of that).

I hate that it seems that, no matter what I’m wearing, people cat-call me. I swear, the next guy who yells an obscene comment and finishes with “Angel Face” is going to get a reminder that, while angels represent purity, they used force if necessary.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

As a guy in his early twenties, yeah I can say that a lot of dudes I know talk like that. Not all of them though and I’m personally not outspoken about sexual stuff.

Sadly the price of your words being devoid of sexual references gets you labeled gay. It’s what happened to me in high school. :\

 

[Ridgerunner]

I guess I should start out by saying that I am a 24 year old man.

Since beginning my life in the professional world I have had the opportunity to meet many people, both professional and blue collar workers. It has been my experience that the vast majority of adult men have one thing on their minds- sex. I can’t get through one day without a coworker, client, or student talking about sex (I am an occupational health and safety consultant and educator). Nearly every day someone mentions the new strip club in Harrisburg (I live a few miles outside of the city) called Savannah’s. If we have a woman in class my co workers comment on whether or not she is “hot” and sometimes say what they want to “do” to her. We spend a lot of time on the road and have business lunches often. During these lunches, crude comments are almost always made about the waitresses. Whenever I mention spending time with my girlfriend or a female friend, my co workers imply that I had sex with them. They often tell me that because my girlfriend and I live in different zip codes I wouldn’t technically be cheating on her if I have sex with random women. One of my co workers told me about the threesome he was planning to have one weekend with his current girlfriend and a random woman he met in a bar, all while still legally married to his third wife.

I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, I guess I have just always assumed conversations like this ended after puberty. It can be very lonely in the workplace when you have to deal with people like this every day.

I am losing faith in adult men. I can remember when I was younger my dad’s friends would make sexual comments about women. My dad never said anything like that, probably just because I was there. What a depressing world we live in.

Does anyone else have to deal with this?

Sure. It does seem adolescence is extended now, in the main, beyond what it was once.

I’m getting a bit on the agey side, and while most men back when I was growing up were less puerile, some were breathtakingly obscene in what they said and did. So, it seems simply to be a bit broader than it once was.

My wife works almost exclusively with women and, yes, they can really be crude too. It might be more peculiar to women than to men, but it does seem that the presence of a woman in a group who does not participate and refuses to do it, tones it down some. Of course, my wife is in a position of authority, so the fact that she won’t tolerate vulgarity in her presence probably has a lot to do with that.

In my own office, I won’t put up with anyone saying vile things. I know what kind of things they say in private, but they can’t do it out in the open here. I think a lot depends on the kind of tone an employer demands. I don’t talk that way myself in here, and I almost never have to say anything to anyone about their mouths.

You’re 24. Maybe when you get older and on top of your game, you can demand a better tone where you work and make it stick. If so, you will provide an example for others.

 

[Rascalking]

They clearly take a bit too far.

However, boys will be boys-just don’t go overboard.

Find some new friends. I have many guy friends who don’t talk like that-and we’re just as normal.

 

[kib]

Well you see these aren’t my friends. These are coworkers, clients, and blue collar workers that I teach. This is a sampling of men from all over the state of Pennsylvania (and, to an extent, Louisiana- where I lived last summer) from all backgrounds: professionals, blue collar, young, old, middle aged (most between 35 & 60), all sorts of men. My coworkers have even talked about cheating on their wives with me.

I shouldn’t have to refuse to go to a strip club for lunch with my coworkers, especially after I had only been working there for three weeks.

 

[Kimothy80]

I’m a 30 year old woman and work with mostly other women. We do “talk trash” every now and then but we certainly have our limits and boundaries. Sounds like these “boys” never learned them while growing up. Sad.

As the old saying goes “what goes around, comes around.” Karma will catch up with them.

 

[bluerose]

My husband is disgusted and frustrated about the exact same thing… fortunately for him, most of his co-workers have begun to respect his wishes to keep the smut out of lunchtime conversations.

I’ve blasted several co-workers at my place of work for the same thing. Women CAN get even smuttier than men sometimes.

They all think we’re crazy. Maybe. But if they’re the standard of sanity and normalcy, then crazy works just fine for us!

 

[SMHW]

Sad.

But it doesn’t really surprise me. It doesn’t necessarily get better with age either.

Some companies have more businesslike atmospheres than others. It’s been my (limited I’ll admit) experience that employees whose jobs require lot of intellectual and/or technical collaboration are less likely to behave poorly than are employees who are in sales or have repetitive type jobs.

Any business is going to be influenced by the policies set by it’s owners and managers. So if management has clear policies about the way people speak and backs up those policies then things will be better.

I would also say that some work situations bring out the worst in employees who might otherwise not be so bad. Mandatory training classes, business conferences, and corporate parties can have that effect on people.

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

If we have a woman in class my co workers comment on whether or not she is “hot” and sometimes say what they want to “do” to her.

This rather irritates me when I hear guys (or hear about guys) saying things like this. It makes me want to blow-up on them. What especially bothers me is when I think about the possibility of this happening to my beloved female Catholic friends. They are very special to me personally and I’d be extremely upset if I heard guys talking about them like this.

Whenever I mention spending time with my girlfriend or a female friend, my co workers imply that I had sex with them. They often tell me that because my girlfriend and I live in different zip codes I wouldn’t technically be cheating on her if I have sex with random women.

Wow that’s irritating. I don’t have a girlfriend but having this happen would irk me. And there’s no good defense your yourself either because they’ll just accuse you of denying it. The cheating thing is bad too.

One of my co workers told me about the threesome he was planning to have one weekend with his current girlfriend and a random woman he met in a bar, all while still legally married to his third wife.

The problem with immorality isn’t that people nowadays “do it” but that it’s done without any care whatsoever. Not only is it done but no thought is taken as to it’s effects.

I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, I guess I have just always assumed conversations like this ended after puberty. It can be very lonely in the workplace when you have to deal with people like this every day.

Apparently not, unfortunately. I recall hearing that many people today are basically children in adult bodies and I can readily attest to this fact.

I am losing faith in adult men.

I don’t blame you, but remember to keep praying for them. Some men on this board may have done the very things you describe back in the day.

Does anyone else have to deal with this?

I haven’t heard this type of stuff in awhile but I do overhear conversations where people talk about getting drunk, etc., which basically boils down (again) to immaturity.

 

[cmscms]

I have been in situations where no one appreciated my ‘not wanting to hera crude language’ and yes it has invited a lot of criticism. I am fortunate that today I work in a place where everyone knows, ‘as long as you don’t send the email to CM, she will not go to human resources’.

I know things go on but everyone respects not to do it around me so I am lucky in that way.

When they assumen you had sex, perhaps they are trying to get you to cave and join the rude talk. Keep your stance. You don’t know how many of them are secretly jealous. They are jealous because they know a good guy like you can get a quality girl and they are forced to pick from the lower ranks

CM

 

[kib]

They are jealous because they know a good guy like you can get a quality girl and they are forced to pick from the lower ranks

CM

Thanks for the kind words CMS. Unfortunately, my girlfriend of 4 years recently told me (on my birthday of all days) that she isn’t sure if she wants to be with me any longer. I guess that doesn’t have much to do with this topic but it still bites.

 

[I_Fortuna]

Well you see these aren’t my friends. These are coworkers, clients, and blue collar workers that I teach. This is a sampling of men from all over the state of Pennsylvania (and, to an extent, Louisiana- where I lived last summer) from all backgrounds: professionals, blue collar, young, old, middle aged (most between 35 & 60), all sorts of men. My coworkers have even talked about cheating on their wives with me.

I shouldn’t have to refuse to go to a strip club for lunch with my coworkers, especially after I had only been working there for three weeks.

Adult?

It sounds as those these men are far from adult and far from responsible or mature.

If I were you, I would set boundaries or avoid hanging out with these people all together.

I had to put up with a lot of trash like this when I worked at a well known TV station I decided to deal with it.

Voice your disapproval and walk away. If you cannot walk away make a blanket statement that this behavior is not acceptable or mature behavior in the work place nor in your presence and that you would appreciate their cooperation… These people have created a hostile work environment and you need to address this issue. I am not a lawyer but I have been through this to the extreme and it is a serious breach in work place decorum.

Is is too late to nip it in the bud? If so, I hope you stand up and choose to change this offensive situation.

God Bless.

 

[Rascalking]

Thanks for the kind words CMS. Unfortunately, my girlfriend of 4 years recently told me (on my birthday of all days) that she isn’t sure if she wants to be with me any longer. I guess that doesn’t have much to do with this topic but it still bites.

Sorry about that, my friend. Nothing worse than girl trouble.

 

[Samson01]

It seems this goes on with both men and women, but men tend to be immature, perhaps even foolishly frank when talking to each other and women can often be just as graphic in their art of english slang/ metaphors. Listen men and learn. LOL

 

[Benadam]

It takes awhile but eventually coworkers will realize how you are. I think they all feel a sense of internal shame. I find that they fall into two categories. Some will go through a period of time saying crude things and then feeling awekward because you are among those they are speaking too, so they eventually stop saying those things if you are around. Other’s go through a period of time testing you in an attempt to get your approval, then they may confront you with a ‘c’mon don’t you ever’ speech. They may then be angry and purposely dirty the air when you are around. These coworkers sometimes have to be told that their behavior or speech is anacceptable to you and that the boundaries of a professional relationship be kept between you and them. If that doesn’t have to happen eventually they give up and have to put up with the scandal-less atmosphere you create around yourself. I’m now pretty much in the same place as cmscms is.

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

They behave that way about women because that is what the male role models modern society ah presented them with tells them men do, we live in a society that worships sex and has turned it into a competition this is just one of the dreadful consequences.

Tell them you are Catholic and that you consider their behaviour over women to mark them out as pathetic degenerate losers. Or you can do it gentler than that I guess if you think it better suits your purpose. What you need to understand is that they are behaving this way because they think it will impress you, its the same reason people tell each other about their brand new Lexus or their 10 bedroom mansion, once you tell them it does the opposite, that it makes you think that they are no better animals most of them will stop telling you this kind of thing. They may not like you much either which is probably a bonus as it will make avoiding their conversations a lot easier.

And on a side note your gf isn’t sure if she wants to be with you any more because after 4 years she is still just your girlfriend, what is she supposed to do wait until she is old and grey in the hope you will make a commitment to her?

If shes a good Catholic and you think she would be a good match for you propose already, after 4 years your going to know whether she is or not as much as you ever will, if your not sure after all this time then she isn’t the one and you should have broke it off yourself way back.

Time waits for no man.

 

[kib]

Is is too late to nip it in the bud? If so, I hope you stand up and choose to change this offensive situation.

Unfortunately, this is the culture of the company I work for. We have about 30 employees, all of them act this way to an extent. I am now known as the “super Catholic” (if only I could live up to the label) because I avoid these conversations and try to keep my nose clean.

Sorry about that, my friend. Nothing worse than girl trouble.

Quite right, Rascalking. Sucks to be me right now. Thanks for the kind words.

It seems this goes on with both men and women, but men tend to be immature, perhaps even foolishly frank when talking to each other and women can often be just as graphic in their art of english slang/ metaphors. Listen men and learn. LOL

I haven’t really had a fair sampling of women yet actually. My field is very much dominated by men and so are my students (mostly contractors in the construction/ labor industries). I will say that I would never date a woman that spoke or acted the way these men do.

It takes awhile but eventually coworkers will realize how you are. I think they all feel a sense of internal shame. I find that they fall into two categories. Some will go through a period of time saying crude things and then feeling awekward because you are among those they are speaking too, so they eventually stop saying those things if you are around. Other’s go through a period of time testing you in an attempt to get your approval, then they may confront you with a ‘c’mon don’t you ever’ speech. They may then be angry and purposely dirty the air when you are around. These coworkers sometimes have to be told that their behavior or speech is anacceptable to you and that the boundaries of a professional relationship be kept between you and them. If that doesn’t have to happen eventually they give up and have to put up with the scandal-less atmosphere you create around yourself. I’m now pretty much in the same place as cmscms is.

At least one of my coworkers is constantly trying to see how far he can go. He constantly insinuates that the business administrator at our office (a 55 year old woman) wants to have a physical relationship with me. He also makes comments about Catholic priests being pedophiles etc. Unfortunately, he was just promoted last week and is now my boss… What a great situation to be in. I would look for a new job but I have been here for less than 3 months.

 

[Samson01]

Recently, me and this beautiful, educated women discussed how 36 oz.'s can equal a pound, in 12 oz. increment’s and she was more then right.