Adult son converting to non-denominational church?

[crcath]

Our 24-year old son has just told us he has decided to be baptized into the non-denominational “born again” church that his wife is active in. He was baptized Catholic as a baby, received his First Holy Communion and Confirmation, and was also married in the Catholic Church (although his wife did not convert to Catholicism). We’re extremely saddened by this and tried to discuss it lovingly and rationally with him when he told us, but he appears firm in his decision. After he turned 18 and wasn’t living under our roof, he says he very rarely went to Mass and admits that he did not lead a Catholic lifestyle. He says he now feels “connected” to the born-again Church in ways he apparently didn’t feel at all with the Catholic Church.
Other than praying earnestly for him, are there any suggestions as to what we can do? I’m thinking his Catholic Baptism cannot be “undone,” or at least I hope it can’t. I also pray that some day he will change his mind and find his way back to the Catholic Church. Every time I think about his recent decision, I just start to cry. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[ProdglArchitect]

I don’t have much advice for you, but a Catholic Baptism cannot be “undone,” your son is Catholic for life, whether he’s willing to accept it or not.

The only advice I have for you is to pray for him, and perhaps talk to your priest about it.

 

[mab23]

uh oh another poorly catechized catholic leaving to a non-denominational church

I would first and most foremost PRAY for him

second I would ask him why is he getting baptized again if he is already baptized - also if you feel like you can adequately defend the Eucharist maybe ask him why he would remove himself from the Eucharist- also ask him what is his biggest objection to the Catholic church is and educate yourself on it

we have a lot of Catholics leave the church because they do not know much about the church teaching , why we have it and cannot defend it when questioned by a non-denominational christian - in other words we have poorly Catechized Catholics

also if he doesn’t like having discussions with you, i would find a good book for him to read and ask him to read it so your not pulling him back the book would be

romesweethome by scott hahn is a good one

why Catholics are right by Michael Coren is good

there are so many… you can ask me personally in PM depending on what you may be looking for and I could find you some good stuff

some other good website to help you with knowledge along with this one is

www.scripturecatholic.com

www.staycatholic.com

 

[crcath]

I don’t have much advice for you, but a Catholic Baptism cannot be “undone,” your son is Catholic for life, whether he’s willing to accept it or not.

The only advice I have for you is to pray for him, and perhaps talk to your priest about it.

Thanks very much, ProdglArchitect. I appreciate the info and suggestion.

 

[jmcrae]

Our 24-year old son has just told us he has decided to be baptized into the non-denominational “born again” church that his wife is active in. He was baptized Catholic as a baby, received his First Holy Communion and Confirmation, and was also married in the Catholic Church (although his wife did not convert to Catholicism). We’re extremely saddened by this and tried to discuss it lovingly and rationally with him when he told us, but he appears firm in his decision. After he turned 18 and wasn’t living under our roof, he says he very rarely went to Mass and admits that he did not lead a Catholic lifestyle. He says he now feels “connected” to the born-again Church in ways he apparently didn’t feel at all with the Catholic Church.
Other than praying earnestly for him, are there any suggestions as to what we can do? I’m thinking his Catholic Baptism cannot be “undone,” or at least I hope it can’t. I also pray that some day he will change his mind and find his way back to the Catholic Church. Every time I think about his recent decision, I just start to cry. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Be assured that his Catholic baptism cannot be undone. If he is willing to read, give him the YOUCAT - the Youth Catechism that was distributed at World Youth Day in Madrid. It is written in plain language with short articles on every subject. It articulates the basic assumptions that we take for granted as Catholics - that life is a good thing; that we must be authentic in our dealings with others; that God loves us, and that each of us is created purposefully by God with a mission to fulfill. That God gave us the Catholic Church to help us discover and fulfill our mission in life.

 

[Kal2012]

Yeah…the Catholic Baptism isn’t undone.

In the non-denominational church, infant baptisms usually aren’t recognized because infants aren’t able to fully choose to be a follower of Jesus.

Adult Baptism is the goal because an adult is fully aware of their choice to follow Christ.
It’s the Adult Baptism that counts in the majority of the Protestant world, not the one when he was an infant.

That said, my RCIA teacher says that a lot of Catholics have come up to her and lamented the fact that we don’t do adult baptism because they don’t have the experience of remembering and choosing to be baptized in the same way as adults entering the church do.

In my case, since I was baptized as a teenager in a different denomination, my baptism still counts according to the Catholic church. I just have to provide documentation that it actually happened for record keeping purposes.

Hope that helps.

I can understand the appeal, given that’s the background that I’m from. Lively prayer services, practical sermons, lots of social activities for the under-30 folks. Everything isn’t so solemn or reverent.

I find it kind of odd, given that everyone in my RCIA class are spouses of Catholics, but a lot of it has to do with how much Catholicism plays a role in our lives already. We are converting to have unity in our families, but our spouses find value being Catholic and they aren’t going to change to be with us.

I just don’t think being Catholic is a value to him. Maybe that will change when he gets older and has his own kids. In the meantime, just love him and try to take some comfort that he’s still interested in going to church. Pray - of course!

 

[lovemyjob]

Sacrifice.

 

[crcath]

…also if he doesn’t like having discussions with you, i would find a good book for him to read and ask him to read it so your not pulling him back the book would be

romesweethome by scott hahn is a good one

why Catholics are right by Michael Coren is good

there are so many… you can ask me personally in PM depending on what you may be looking for and I could find you some good stuff

some other good website to help you with knowledge along with this one is

www.scripturecatholic.com

www.staycatholic.com

Thank you for the book recommendations and links, mab23.

 

[CountrySteve]

No advice, but i shall pray for him

 

[R_C]

First: every Church except the Catholic Church is “denominational”

Second: the idea is that those “churches” take the Sacred Tradition and strip it of things (they pick and choose, that is) even though this is contrary to the apostolic spirit. Christ explained very clearly what it meant to follow Him. Unfortunately some only want to follow Him inasmuch as that does not hinder one’s life - not unto persecution, sorrows, or to the point of giving up self.

That being said: the ways of the Lord are infinite. We confess one baptism, and your son is marked eternally with the seal of the Holy Spirit. Furthermore, Christ knows his heart and thoughts. Perhaps he ignores many important things. Perhaps other have deceived him with seemingly truthful arguments against the Church. Don’t be sad. Trust in Christ! He took hold of your little one and will never let go of him. Let the Spirit work in his heart. One day he may come back, if it be God’s will.

I think it would be very nice if you kept the loving kindness in your behavior, showing that you respect his free will and that you are always there for him, to talk about his experience, and in case he feels like he wants to change his mind. In this, you will reflect to him our heavenly Father, who loves us unconditionally.

May the good Lord bless your family and keep you all within His Sacred Heart.

 

[crcath]

Be assured that his Catholic baptism cannot be undone. If he is willing to read, give him the YOUCAT - the Youth Catechism that was distributed at World Youth Day in Madrid. It is written in plain language with short articles on every subject. It articulates the basic assumptions that we take for granted as Catholics - that life is a good thing; that we must be authentic in our dealings with others; that God loves us, and that each of us is created purposefully by God with a mission to fulfill. That God gave us the Catholic Church to help us discover and fulfill our mission in life.

Sounds like another good recommendation. Thanks, jmcrae. God bless.

 

[crcath]

Yeah…the Catholic Baptism isn’t undone.

In the non-denominational church, infant baptisms usually aren’t recognized because infants aren’t able to fully choose to be a follower of Jesus.

Adult Baptism is the goal because an adult is fully aware of their choice to follow Christ.
It’s the Adult Baptism that counts in the majority of the Protestant world, not the one when he was an infant.

That said, my RCIA teacher says that a lot of Catholics have come up to her and lamented the fact that we don’t do adult baptism because they don’t have the experience of remembering and choosing to be baptized in the same way as adults entering the church do.

In my case, since I was baptized as a teenager in a different denomination, my baptism still counts according to the Catholic church. I just have to provide documentation that it actually happened for record keeping purposes.

Hope that helps.

I can understand the appeal, given that’s the background that I’m from. Lively prayer services, practical sermons, lots of social activities for the under-30 folks. Everything isn’t so solemn or reverent.

I find it kind of odd, given that everyone in my RCIA class are spouses of Catholics, but a lot of it has to do with how much Catholicism plays a role in our lives already. We are converting to have unity in our families, but our spouses find value being Catholic and they aren’t going to change to be with us.

I just don’t think being Catholic is a value to him. Maybe that will change when he gets older and has his own kids. In the meantime, just love him and try to take some comfort that he’s still interested in going to church. Pray - of course!

Thanks very much, Kal2012, for that perspective from the other side of the aisle, so to speak. Perhaps everything he learned and practiced growing up as a Catholic is now being overshadowed by his wife and her family and their participation in the “born again” church. It saddens us greatly to think of his yet unborn children who will not be raised Catholics unless he has a change of heart. But, we take solace in the fact that he does go to church at least, although not a Catholic one. And we definitely pray.
God bless you as you continue and complete RCIA!

 

[RedSparklyShoes]

I’m going the other direction and my mother is NOT happy about me coming to the Catholic church. It’s not even that far off from growing up Anglican and I married an RC. It is awfully tiring that nearly every week, SOMETHING comes up about it and honestly, it gets everyone very angry considering that I’m firm in my decision and feel that this is where God is calling me. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is pray, but don’t repeatedly bring it up with your son. Because if my mother hadn’t stopped doing it as often as she was, I would be pushing her away right now because there are other things that I would rather talk about than me “switching churches”. I’m an adult and honestly wish that my mother would realize that some things are just not her decision.

 

[crcath]

No advice, but i shall pray for him

Thank you SO much, Steve. We truly appreciate it. It’s such a wonderful reassurance to know there are so many kind folks like yourself here at CAF. God bless you always!

 

[Chantal25]

Oh mye, i am so so sorry.

Do the Rosary, pray novana (i would do the sacred heart of Jesus) and do some fast. Prayer and fast are far more powerful then words. Pray the Holy Spirit to guide you and ask God to arrange a time for you and him to talk again. Pray for the right person to be place on his path and to inspire him to stay loyal to the Catholic faith.

I will be praying for your child, don’t give up hope. Saint Monica prayed for years for her son and husband to convert. Her son is now a saint. The power of prayer is amazing and especially the unconditional love of a mother to a child.

This son has you on his side and please, believe that God is hearing you and don’t cease to pray for your son.

((((((Love and blessings)))))))

 

[bmaj]

… the idea is that those “churches” take the Sacred Tradition and strip it of things (they pick and choose, that is) even though this is contrary to the apostolic spirit. Christ explained very clearly what it meant to follow Him. Unfortunately some only want to follow Him inasmuch as that does not hinder one’s life - not unto persecution, sorrows, or to the point of giving up self.

That being said: the ways of the Lord are infinite. We confess one baptism, and your son is marked eternally with the seal of the Holy Spirit. Furthermore, Christ knows his heart and thoughts. Perhaps he ignores many important things. Perhaps other have deceived him with seemingly truthful arguments against the Church. Don’t be sad. Trust in Christ! He took hold of your little one and will never let go of him. Let the Spirit work in his heart. One day he may come back, if it be God’s will.

I think it would be very nice if you kept the loving kindness in your behavior, showing that you respect his free will and that you are always there for him, to talk about his experience, and in case he feels like he wants to change his mind. In this, you will reflect to him our heavenly Father, who loves us unconditionally.

May the good Lord bless your family and keep you all within His Sacred Heart.

Beautiful thoughts.

 

[crcath]

Thank you so very much, R_C, for your kind thoughts and (name removed by moderator)ut. I love your sentence that Christ took hold of our little one and will never let him go! I will definitely endeavor to continue to treat our son lovingly and always be here for him, no matter what. He saw my tears which I couldn’t hold back, and I don’t think he will soon forget them. But he also saw our deep love for him. He’s a very compassionate person with a wonderful heart, so I know God will continue to be with him.
God bless you always for your kindness!

 

[crcath]

I’m going the other direction and my mother is NOT happy about me coming to the Catholic church. It’s not even that far off from growing up Anglican and I married an RC. It is awfully tiring that nearly every week, SOMETHING comes up about it and honestly, it gets everyone very angry considering that I’m firm in my decision and feel that this is where God is calling me. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is pray, but don’t repeatedly bring it up with your son. Because if my mother hadn’t stopped doing it as often as she was, I would be pushing her away right now because there are other things that I would rather talk about than me “switching churches”. I’m an adult and honestly wish that my mother would realize that some things are just not her decision.

I really appreciate that advice, RSS - thanks for sharing. I’m sorry you’re going through this with your Mom, though. I will definitely endeavor not to bring up the subject too often with him. Quality not quantity of discussion might help for me, I think. And I will keep praying as you suggest. Will also say a prayer that things work out for you with your Mom. Hang in. She may not realize how it’s upsetting you.

 

[crcath]

Oh mye, i am so so sorry.

Do the Rosary, pray novana (i would do the sacred heart of Jesus) and do some fast. Prayer and fast are far more powerful then words. Pray the Holy Spirit to guide you and ask God to arrange a time for you and him to talk again. Pray for the right person to be place on his path and to inspire him to stay loyal to the Catholic faith.

I will be praying for your child, don’t give up hope. Saint Monica prayed for years for her son and husband to convert. Her son is now a saint. The power of prayer is amazing and especially the unconditional love of a mother to a child.

This son has you on his side and please, believe that God is hearing you and don’t cease to pray for your son.

((((((Love and blessings)))))))

Thank you very much for your prayers and suggestions, Chantal. I know you’re right and will continue praying for him. And I really like the thought of praying for someone to be placed on his path to inspire him to return to the Catholic faith. I won’t give up hope!
The feedback from all of you on this thread has encouraged me greatly, and I truly appreciate it. I’m finally at the point now when the tears don’t automatically come when I think about what he told us, and that’s a very good thing.
God bless you for your concern and prayers!