"Adult" Teen cohabitating

[VeritasLuxMea]

Living with a boyfriend/girlfriend’s parents is mortal sin? What?

 

[robwar]

I appreciate this forum allowing me to vent here rather than at them. If they were talking to me…LOL

If a man was in the process of committing mortal sin (say torturing someone in his basement) and I invite him to have dinner knowing it and do nothing, what does that say about me. How am I morally responsible for what he is doing if nothing is said .(sin of Ommision?) Someone here said " pray for them but dont let them know you are doing it" Have dinner with them but dont discuss these hard issues" What’s the point folks? Its true that they know how we feel but are doing these bad things anyway. They have fallen into this moral relativism and deny any truth at all. Its kinda hard to be a witness to Love and understanding when you are hated for not agreeing with them. They have surrounded themselves with people who celebrate what they are doing and help them to get deeper and deeper in. The last thing they want is to hear from us “old fashioned” Christians.

I do understand that one gets more bees with honey than vinegar but we are talking about something that is ultimately disordered. You cant conceed all truth to go along to get along.
My kids are not talking to me at this point anyway so it doesnt matter right now but it is important to be prepared for that day. They think I hate them for thier choices even though I have offfered nothing but loving requests. We havent even spoken per se because I only heard through the Grapevine that this was happening. My limited correspondence has been through a few texts to my daughter asking her not to do this. My son is, as I said, is off the grid…lol. What I have heard was coming through my youngest on Facebook . The oldest daughter kept trying to evangelize her on this idea. Our oldest daughter has since “un-friended us all”

If either one of them call me or reach out in any way, I will extend the hand of friendship and love that I always have. Someone else pointed out the parable of the prodigal son(GREAT ANALOGY). I have used this story with my kids in the past that I will be there when they are ready to come back. I should have said in the beginning that have been distancing themselves from us/church for a while now. I will be that Father who will treat them like the lost son who has returned… It is important to point out that the son(in the story), once he had squandered all of his inheritance was broken, had nothing left and was ready to commit to a lesser life to attone for his mistakes when he finally thought of returning to the Father. Up to that point, the Father didnt have him over for dinner or send him goodie bags. The story doesnt say but I pretty sure he (Father) didnt go to places where the son was and have dinner with him and the prostitutes. The Father did wait for his return and welcomed him with open arms as I will do.

I have some growing to do here as well. This is my one and only shot I have to be a Father and I want to be a good one. The wound is still raw and stinging. I am sure over time, the pain will go we will accept this as out of our control. We are praying for our kids and have given them to the Blessed Mother to care for.

Thank you for your answers/suggestions.

Peace be with you

Again, I am sorry about the situation. Yes mortal sin does cut oneself off from God but they are adults now and have made these bad choices. It sounds like they know how you feel about it and communication is cut off now. I think what most of us on the thread have tried to suggest is to try and keep the lines of communication open which includes as one person suggested going out for dinner once and while. That doesn’t mean that you are condoning the live in situation but they are your children and if you hope to have them come back to God and live moral lives again, it might be better if you can keep some sort of friendly contact or communication with them. In the number of stories I’ve read and listen to from parents with prodigal children, the one things that keeps coming up is that the parents still tried to keep the lines of communication open with their children instead of what seems to have happen here in that communication is now broken off. Likewise, you have the advantage of praying for them which in the long run the “prayer of a righteous man avails much”. Turn your frustration over in prayer, try to go to adoration especially when you feel upset about it. I think some on the thread have experienced prodigal children. Focus again on that parable and praying for their safe come back and return.

 

[Lorelei12]

I am sure that you are very concerned for your kids, and rightly so. It must be very difficult to watch your grown children go down a path that is harmful and not be able to do anything about it.

A couple of things concern me about your approach, though. It sounds like you have made it abundantly clear how you feel about the situation, and I really don’t think there is any use or need to keep reminding them (or, your daughter, as you say you now have no contact with your son). You don’t need to support them in any way, and if it comes up you can reiterate what you’ve already told them, but I really don’t think you need to be refusing to contact them or invite them to your home.

You said you have limited contact with your daughter- why not pick up the phone and call to see how she is doing? You do not have to condone her living situation, but don’t you want her to know you still love her and care about her life? I have to say, if I were doing something my parents didn’t approve of and the only time they ever contacted me was to tell me I was sinning, without ever bothering to talk about anything else, and would not allow me in their home I would probably not bother with them anymore either. I am not saying what they are doing is right, but that you can still have a relationship with your children even if they aren’t behaving the way you would like.

Another thing you might consider is that your younger daughter is watching how you are handling all of this. She is listening to the way you talk about it and is also hearing things from her siblings. If she and her siblings are close, they may have more influence over her than you want them to right now, if she sees you being cold toward them. You can be a loving parent while not approving of their behavior. Withholding love from your adult children because they are not living the way you want them to is unhealthy for you and for them.

 

[Allegra]

Living with a boyfriend/girlfriend’s parents is mortal sin? What?

I think we are meant to understand that she is cohabitating with her boyfriend, who happens to still live with his parents. (Which is sort of sad, in my opinion. If you’re going to play house with someone, at least do it with someone who has their own!)

 

[SuperLuigi]

I think we are meant to understand that she is cohabitating with her boyfriend, who happens to still live with his parents. (Which is sort of sad, in my opinion. If you’re going to play house with someone, at least do it with someone who has their own!)

To paraphrase one commentator, taking in other people’s kids isn’t always as rosy as it sounds.

 

[Cojuanco]

Living with a boyfriend/girlfriend’s parents is mortal sin? What?

It is if it’s facilitating cohabitation without benefit of marriage.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

It is if it’s facilitating cohabitation without benefit of marriage.

Since when is cohabitation inherently a mortal sin?

 

[His_helpmeet]

Since when is cohabitation inherently a mortal sin?

“Cohabitation” (i.e. living in the same household) is not inherently a mortal sin, unless the couple are also engaging in sexual activity. The problem is that living in the same household can, and does, present a near occasion of sin. Moreover, it has the potential to create scandal because there is an assumption that they are enjoying the benefits of marriage without being really married to each other.

Sadly, we have had this experience with some of my siblings. Admittedly, I also spent some nights at my husband’s house before we were married, BUT we did not “sleep together” in the Biblical sense. I maintained my own home until 4 days before we were married, and only stayed the night in situations where I was too tired to drive home, or if he or I was sick and my help was needed to look after my stepdaughter. (I moved in with him 4 days before we were married because we were leaving the next day to go to my parents’ home, where we were going to stay for the wedding, and the night I moved in he had to work a night shift anyway.)

OP, I would recommend going with the other posters’ advice. I think once you tell your children you’re not happy with what they’re doing, there’s no need to belabor the point. If you do decide to have them come and stay with you, just assign them separate rooms and don’t make a big deal out of it. (E.g. “This is your room, Katie, and your boyfriend’s room is down the hall.”)