Adulterous Wife (?)

[ineedyourprayer]

My wife, whom Ive been with 10 years, married 4, and have a 1 year old daughter with, filed for divorce in June. It was textbook scenario for the first month, anger, then she misses me, then anger, and so on. I have been praying since the first week of this awful process for a reconciliation. She has always adamantly stated that she wants to be alone right now and for a while to come, has no interest in seeing anyone at all. She had never been the lying type and wasn’t even ever interested in sexual intimacy all that much. I noticed in the last month that she would stop sending me updates on our daughter, and not even pictures of her, which we always flooded each other with. Two nights ago I saw her standing outside of a bar, smoking (she quit 2 years ago) with her new boyfriend!!! This has been confirmed. I am at such a loss. We are now half way through the divorce, and she has a new interest already??/ Should I give up praying for reconciliation? I still want to and would forgive her for any sin. But I have been in so much suffering since this started that i almost think it is unhealthy to have faith that my prayers will be answered. It feels like I need to move on to regenerate my health. I have lost weight, look ragged. I spend hours a day praying, in church and at home, or wherever I go. She is obviously still married, but can’t see the sin in her actions, nor the pain it is causing me. Is she committing adultery if we are going through a divorce? What about idolatry? She has no interest in going to church or praying even though she was raised catholic. Her mother, whom which she lives with for now, is her biggest supporter in all of this next to her best friend, who just moved back to town 3 weeks after she filed. They are the devils advocates, and it is through this best friend that she met her new boyfriend. Also my wife’s mother encourages her behavior. Should I except the fact that my prayers have fallen on deaf ears? Should I accept that these are my prayers being answered? Because It definitely is not feeling that way. I want my wife and daughter back in the worst way. Praying for that has consumed most of my time the last three months, and then today my wife finally confirms she has been seeing her new interest for about a month now, that they don’t see each other barely ever, and that they are not serious. Well, she has lied about everything to me so far during this, and when I ran into them the other night, I watched her as she was submissive to his every move. Waiting for him to move and act before she would follow. I am so crushed, in disbelief, I don’t even know. My wife has “flipped a switch” and 100% turned into a completely different person. I know a lot of it has to do with her best friend being back, and perhaps a mid life crisis sort of thing. She goes out to bars an awful lot, and when once she would never leave the side of our daughter she now leaves at her mothers house nearly every night to go out gallivanting. She just turned 31 and thinks she is getting old. I pray that she will not jump into a situation too fast just to get pregnant before she gets any older. The bible says that any relationship born in adultery will surely perish…doesnt it? Is she doomed to fail with anyone while we are still married? I have been praying the hedge of thorns around her but obviously is not working yet.

Help Me!****

 

[Stillsosola]

This is a terrible thing indeed that is happening to you and yes your wife is most definately sinning until the day your marriage is nullified by the catholic church she is commiting adultery lust, and id say from what you describe idolatry almost sounds abusive how you describe her behavior with her new boyfriend. Her mother and her best friend maybe never liked you and have been planting seeds of this for a while and her mothher is sinning as well by enabling the sin watching your child so she can go act like a fool in bars with her lover. And yes i have heard adulterous relationships perish my mother left my father after years of him cheating for my now stepdad their relationship is ok but she herself is destroying it by drinking constantly so i suppose god is using her love of alcohol to destroy her relationship that started out adulterous. The same will likely happen to your wife.

But i would never give up on something if you truly love her keep praying try to be a part of your little girls life write your wife letters if she prefers not to speak on the phone. Pray that the ungodly soul tie she has formed with this friend of hers and her boyfriend to be broken pray for your mother in law as well

I will pray for you

 

[808Catholic]

My wife, whom Ive been with 10 years, married 4, and have a 1 year old daughter with, filed for divorce in June. It was textbook scenario for the first month, anger, then she misses me, then anger, and so on. I have been praying since the first week of this awful process for a reconciliation. She has always adamantly stated that she wants to be alone right now and for a while to come, has no interest in seeing anyone at all. She had never been the lying type and wasn’t even ever interested in sexual intimacy all that much. I noticed in the last month that she would stop sending me updates on our daughter, and not even pictures of her, which we always flooded each other with. Two nights ago I saw her standing outside of a bar, smoking (she quit 2 years ago) with her new boyfriend!!! This has been confirmed. I am at such a loss. We are now half way through the divorce, and she has a new interest already??/ Should I give up praying for reconciliation? I still want to and would forgive her for any sin. But I have been in so much suffering since this started that i almost think it is unhealthy to have faith that my prayers will be answered. It feels like I need to move on to regenerate my health. I have lost weight, look ragged. I spend hours a day praying, in church and at home, or wherever I go. She is obviously still married, but can’t see the sin in her actions, nor the pain it is causing me. Is she committing adultery if we are going through a divorce? What about idolatry? She has no interest in going to church or praying even though she was raised catholic. Her mother, whom which she lives with for now, is her biggest supporter in all of this next to her best friend, who just moved back to town 3 weeks after she filed. They are the devils advocates, and it is through this best friend that she met her new boyfriend. Also my wife’s mother encourages her behavior. Should I except the fact that my prayers have fallen on deaf ears? Should I accept that these are my prayers being answered? Because It definitely is not feeling that way. I want my wife and daughter back in the worst way. Praying for that has consumed most of my time the last three months, and then today my wife finally confirms she has been seeing her new interest for about a month now, that they don’t see each other barely ever, and that they are not serious. Well, she has lied about everything to me so far during this, and when I ran into them the other night, I watched her as she was submissive to his every move. Waiting for him to move and act before she would follow. I am so crushed, in disbelief, I don’t even know. My wife has “flipped a switch” and 100% turned into a completely different person. I know a lot of it has to do with her best friend being back, and perhaps a mid life crisis sort of thing. She goes out to bars an awful lot, and when once she would never leave the side of our daughter she now leaves at her mothers house nearly every night to go out gallivanting. She just turned 31 and thinks she is getting old. I pray that she will not jump into a situation too fast just to get pregnant before she gets any older. The bible says that any relationship born in adultery will surely perish…doesnt it? Is she doomed to fail with anyone while we are still married? I have been praying the hedge of thorns around her but obviously is not working yet.

Help Me!****

I’m so sorry you are going through this and pray for you, your wife, and your daughter. While I’ve never been in your situation, I have been in some serious situations where I questioned whether my continuous prayers would be answered or not. God does not let us down and He didn’t let me down then either. Have faith and continue to pray. I would recommend you take a breather every now and then and seek the support of your pastor and church. You are not the first/only husband who has been abandoned by your spouse and a peer support group can be helpful. If God wills it, your wayward wife will have a change of heart and the both of you will have an opportunity to continue your lifelong marriage communion. God Bless you and may He ease your mind and soul.

 

[Starrsmother]

My wife, whom Ive been with 10 years, married 4, and have a 1 year old daughter with, filed for divorce in June. It was textbook scenario for the first month, anger, then she misses me, then anger, and so on. I have been praying since the first week of this awful process for a reconciliation. She has always adamantly stated that she wants to be alone right now and for a while to come, has no interest in seeing anyone at all. She had never been the lying type and wasn’t even ever interested in sexual intimacy all that much. I noticed in the last month that she would stop sending me updates on our daughter, and not even pictures of her, which we always flooded each other with. Two nights ago I saw her standing outside of a bar, smoking (she quit 2 years ago) with her new boyfriend!!! This has been confirmed. I am at such a loss. We are now half way through the divorce, and she has a new interest already??/ Should I give up praying for reconciliation? I still want to and would forgive her for any sin. But I have been in so much suffering since this started that i almost think it is unhealthy to have faith that my prayers will be answered. It feels like I need to move on to regenerate my health. I have lost weight, look ragged. I spend hours a day praying, in church and at home, or wherever I go. She is obviously still married, but can’t see the sin in her actions, nor the pain it is causing me. Is she committing adultery if we are going through a divorce? What about idolatry? She has no interest in going to church or praying even though she was raised catholic. Her mother, whom which she lives with for now, is her biggest supporter in all of this next to her best friend, who just moved back to town 3 weeks after she filed. They are the devils advocates, and it is through this best friend that she met her new boyfriend. Also my wife’s mother encourages her behavior. Should I except the fact that my prayers have fallen on deaf ears? Should I accept that these are my prayers being answered? Because It definitely is not feeling that way. I want my wife and daughter back in the worst way. Praying for that has consumed most of my time the last three months, and then today my wife finally confirms she has been seeing her new interest for about a month now, that they don’t see each other barely ever, and that they are not serious. Well, she has lied about everything to me so far during this, and when I ran into them the other night, I watched her as she was submissive to his every move. Waiting for him to move and act before she would follow. I am so crushed, in disbelief, I don’t even know. My wife has “flipped a switch” and 100% turned into a completely different person. I know a lot of it has to do with her best friend being back, and perhaps a mid life crisis sort of thing. She goes out to bars an awful lot, and when once she would never leave the side of our daughter she now leaves at her mothers house nearly every night to go out gallivanting. She just turned 31 and thinks she is getting old. I pray that she will not jump into a situation too fast just to get pregnant before she gets any older. The bible says that any relationship born in adultery will surely perish…doesnt it? Is she doomed to fail with anyone while we are still married? I have been praying the hedge of thorns around her but obviously is not working yet.

Help Me!****

I’ll include you and your wife in my prayers. The sad truth is that nobody can tell you for sure whether your marriage can be saved or not. Nobody can read your wife’s mind—and as you pointed out yourself, she seems to have surrounded herself with people who are encouraging her to move on. I think that all you can do for the moment, is to continue to pray for her and to go way out of your way to stay close to your daughter who is suffering too, whether you see it or not. Your daughter needs you now more than ever whether she expresses this or not.I think it shows what kind of person you are that your marriage is important enough to you that you are willing to forgive her infidelity. Many men would not be so willing to do so. Don’t give up hope and continue to pray–just realize that right now your wife may not be able to make sane decisions and that if she insists on ending the marriage then you need to take care of yourself, accept it, and be strong–both for yourself and your child.